


Desert Christmas

by ShamelessSpocker (ForgottenOne)



Series: Desert Christmas [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, First Time, Homophobia, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Starfleet Command being jerks, This is part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 10:23:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 71,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgottenOne/pseuds/ShamelessSpocker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the most innocent request can lead to an adventure of a whole new kind.  Jim and Spock have been stuck at that awkward stage for a while; what will it take to push them over the edge?  K/S, longer story to be posted chapter by chapter but it's all complete.  AU now that STID is out.  Cross-posted from FanFiction.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Silver Bells

**Author's Note:**

> If I owned Star Trek, Jim and Spock would be married. Sounds good, but I don’t own it. Yet.

_Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is you!_ Jim sang in his mind as he puttered around his quarters. The _Enterprise_ was due for a winter stand-down and this year Jim had no plans. His mom was off-planet again, presumably at the Deneva colony with Sam and his family. Scotty was going to be busy tinkering with the engines over the break. Bones was going to spend the holidays with his daughter, whom he had commandeered from his ex-wife. Hikaru and Pavel were going to Russia for their first Christmas together. And Uhura and Spock? They probably had something to do together. It was going to be a lonely break.

 

_At least we’re all alive and happy,_ he mused. The year and a half they’d been together had been particularly stressful. One would have thought that being thrown together in the midst of a crisis would guarantee nothing could bother them afterward. However, Starfleet made sure they were plenty busy, even after the _Narada_ disaster.

 

As he hunted around for the tiny fake Christmas tree he had bought on shore leave, the door chime sounded. Jim straightened up slowly and grunted out an “Enter.”

 

Spock stood in the doorway. It took a moment for Jim to say anything. He was struck dumb by the sight of Spock in his civilian attire. He had on a very formidable looking Vulcan robe with inscriptions down the front. Finally Jim found his voice.

 

“Spock! Come on in!” His eye spotted the elusive tree in a box in the corner and he walked over to retrieve it. “What brings you to this neck of the woods?”

 

Spock let out a rare huff of impatience. “Captain, our quarters are connected. I could have just as easily come through the bathroom.” Jim chuckled and set the tree up on his desk. “You are decorating?” Spock ventured.

 

Jim stopped arranging the branches and blushed. “Well, Spock, I wasn’t raised with a particular religion but we always celebrated Christmas at our house. I just thought it would be nice to have a touch of home.” He turned and gestured to Spock’s outfit. “Speaking of home, looks like you’re on your way there.” He smacked a hand across his mouth. He had forgotten that New Vulcan would not be ‘home’ to Spock. However, Spock paid no heed to the slip.

 

“Indeed. That is why I have come to speak with you. According to the ... ‘gossip’… around the ship, you are staying here for the break.” There wasn’t a question so Jim didn’t say anything. “Do you not have family with which to spend the holiday?” Curiosity was getting the better of Spock. Why was the captain not going somewhere to be with others?

 

“Eh. Everyone in my family is going to be on Deneva this year. I figured I’d just hang out and catch up on my paperwork.” Spock’s mouth pulled into a slight frown and Jim tried to interpret it. “Are you afraid I’ll mess it up without you to keep an eye on me? I’ll wait if it’s going to bother you,” he offered.

 

“Jim.” He stopped at his first name being said by the officer. “I wanted to know if you wished to come with me to New Vulcan.” The last part was said so quickly Jim almost didn’t hear it correctly.

 

“Wouldn’t Uhura rather have you to herself?” he shot back. He ducked his head in shame. If Spock was reaching out to him then he shouldn’t be such an ass about it. “I’m sorry.”

 

Spock seemed to pale momentarily, then a soft green blush crept up his cheeks. “Lieutenant Uhura and I are no longer involved romantically. Regardless, I would be making this trip alone. Unless you would join me.”

 

Jim fussed with the tree in lieu of an answer. He wanted to go. He _really_ wanted to go. But he wasn’t sure he should. He had been having more and more unusual reactions towards his First Officer since the beginning of this cruise. At first it had alarmed him. He felt closer to the Vulcan than he even did to Bones, and that was unheard of. He had tried to keep his behavior under control. However, when he inevitably let his guard down, he noticed he seemed to get closer to Spock. Perhaps it wasn’t such a bad thing.

 

_And yet you were singing a chick song and thinking of him not ten minutes ago._ Jim decided he would ignore that voice and just continue with Operation Normalcy.

 

“If you want me there, Spock, I’d be honored.” Secretly, Jim was excited at the prospect of seeing Ambassador Solion again. The older Vulcan was still close with Jim and the two traded transmissions whenever their schedules permitted. Then the thought of the two Vulcans meeting suddenly crossed Jim’s mind and he freaked out. Wouldn’t the space-time continuum be destroyed?

 

“Captain?” Spock’s concerned voice came across. “You are breathing rather heavily. Do you require assistance?”

 

Jim cleared his throat roughly and shook his head.

 

“Um, Spock, have you ever been to the colony?”

 

“Negative.”

 

“How big is it exactly? How many Vulcans live there?” Jim demanded.

 

“There are approximately 7, 296 Vulcans residing at the new colony. It is rather small, Captain. Did the possibility of large numbers of others distress you?” Spock ventured.

 

Jim ducked his head and rubbed his neck. “Yeah, that was it. Sorry Spock. Um, I have a call I have to make; can you excuse me for a moment?” If Spock was insulted he didn’t show it. “I’ll pop over to your room to make plans as soon as I’m done.”

 

“That is acceptable.” Spock left through the bathroom, which privately tickled Jim to no end. But now he had to figure out what to do. The first thing would be to warn the older Spock. Jim sat at his console and entered the number hastily. When the call wasn’t answered until the fourth ring, he was slightly concerned until he saw a very sleepy Solion. It was still night time on New Vulcan.

 

“Jim? Is something the matter?”

 

“Crap. I’m sorry, I forgot the time difference. Well, yes, there is something wrong. Spock is coming to the colony. What if he meets up with you?”

 

Solion almost smiled sleepily. “What if he does, Jim?”

 

“Won’t the world end?” Jim demanded. Why wasn’t the man taking this threat seriously?

 

“Jim, my counterpart is aware of my existence. We have spoken already. I will tell you what I told him: there are so few Vulcans left, he and I cannot afford to ignore each other. I apologize, old friend. I was not aware you were still under the impression we could not meet.”

 

Jim realized that he was gripping the table tight enough to lose circulation in his fingers. He forced his hands to relax.

 

“You’ve already talked.” Jim’s voice was flat.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, now, isn’t that special?” Jim muttered sarcastically. “Anything else you’d like to tell me while we’re at it? Santa Claus is real and living in the house behind you?”

 

“No, Jim. However, Sarek is aware of me, as well as the clan Matriarch. So I am not entirely hidden, as you would say. Spock and I are in communication every week, usually shortly after your call.”

 

“Anything else?”

 

“I do not believe so, no.” Solion was very amused at this conversation.

 

“Spiffy. Well Spock has invited me to come with him during break to New Vulcan, and I’m going to come. Care for a game of chess while I’m there?”

 

“If you have time. I will see you when you arrive, Jim.”

 

“Good night, Solion.” Jim switched off the console and put his head in his hands. All these months, all this secrecy, for nothing. They were already talking. Sneaky Vulcans. Jim wondered idly what it would be like to talk to one’s self. Eerie. He abandoned that line of thought and decided to head over to Spock’s quarters to discuss the trip.

 

He clambered through the bathroom hastily, decorum forgotten in the light of this new information.

 

“Spock!”

 

“Captain?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you spoke with Ambassador Solion?” Jim demanded. At this, Spock stopped packing and turned to face his commanding officer slowly.

 

“I was not aware you required the information. I also wanted to see how long you would maintain the air of secrecy as to why you place frequent private calls to New Vulcan. I was intrigued at how long you would keep silent on this matter.”

 

Jim laughed out loud. “You’re saying I can’t keep a secret?”

 

“Affirmative.”

 

“You’re a nut, Spock. Let me go pack and I’ll be ready to leave when you are.” Jim headed back the other way.


	2. On The Road Again

Later that afternoon the two men climbed aboard the tiny runabout that would take them to New Vulcan. Spock gave Jim the window seat, and sat carefully beside him. They braced for a moment as the craft left the hanger deck and exited into space.

 

“You sure you don’t want the window seat Spock?” Jim felt guilty having such a great view.

 

“I am sure, Captain. It is more important that I take this seat to protect you from possible attack,” Spock pointed out. Jim’s jaw dropped.

 

“First off, we’re not on the _Enterprise_ , I’m in jeans, so I’m Jim. Second, we’re not on the _Enterprise_ , you’re not my second-in-command, so you don’t have to protect me from unseen threats. We’re just two guys off to see the new colony.” At Spock’s long glance, he repeated in a heavy grunt. “Me Jim. You off-duty.”

 

“Very well. Jim. Did you bring sun protection and were your allergy shots updated by the doctor before you left?”

 

Jim did a very deliberate face-palm and growled softly. “Yes, Mother, I packed my sunscreen and I had my shots. Jeez!”

 

Spock smiled very briefly, although Jim did not catch it.

 

“Captain, you have a proven track record of being cavalier when it comes to preparedness,” Spock began. “I am simply endeavoring to protect you from the very real consequences you will undoubtedly face when your lack of concern comes back to ‘bite’ you.” Jim’s response was to kick Spock in the leg.

 

Spock thought for a moment, then: “Jim,” he corrected himself.

 

“Thank you. And Spock, for heavens’ sake, I’m not as bad as all that. I forget things, yes, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care or that I’m out to do myself in. I just get so wrapped up in excitement that it slips my mind.” Jim stretched a bit. “What in the world could I be allergic to on New Vulcan? Dust? Building materials? Are there any plants I could possibly come in contact with that will start my allergies? Why does it matter that much, anyway, Spock?”

 

“The way Dr. McCoy carries on, one would think your allergies can be started by oxygen itself, Jim. So traveling to a planet I have not scouted previously would be an instance where caution is the better part of valor.” Spock raised an eyebrow smugly at Jim, who pulled his shirt up at his neck and settled down in the seat.

 

“Whatev’s. I’m going to take a nap. Night, Spock.”

 

“Good night, Captain.”

 

There was a violent kick to the seat.

 

“Jim.” It was a game to Spock now.

 

As Jim drifted off into sleep, Spock relaxed into a light meditation. Trying to keep his senses aware, he thought for a while on the matter of how he was going to explain to Jim why he invited him to the colony. It may not be exactly welcomed to say _I am attracted to you._ The captain may not be bisexual. The captain may be bisexual, but not interested in Spock. The captain may actually take regulations seriously and refuse to date _anyone_ below him.

 

Spock had never been cussed at and glared at quite in the manner Dr. McCoy had when Spock had asked him if he were in a relationship with the captain.

 

“ _Elf-eared, green-blooded bastard! What the hell do you mean, ‘are you in a relationship with the captain?’ Of course I’m not in a relationship with the buttmunch, he’s like a brother to me! What the hell is your problem? What, are you jealous?”_

 

Spock had not dignified that last question with an answer. The answer would have been ‘yes.’ Spock sighed and began to draw himself out of the meditation. It wasn’t a fruitful one, after all.

 

Suddenly, he became aware of Jim’s breathing, which had grown shallow and rapid. Spock flew back into awareness and glanced over at the young man. His eyes were screwed shut tight; he was perspiring, and panting lightly.

 

“Jim?” Spock called out. Jim shook his head, and his hand flew up. Not thinking, Spock grabbed it. Their fingers locked together, and Jim cried out.

 

“Spock!”

 

“I am here, Jim. Wake up.”

 

“Nero…” Jim moaned. Spock’s heart clinched in sympathy. Apparently he wasn’t the only one with bad dreams still. Spock touched two fingers to Jim’s temple and projected feelings of calm and peace. Presently, Jim began to relax. He melted back into the seat with a small smile on his face.

 

“Love you, Spock,” he mumbled, and Spock’s eyebrows flew up. Had the captain just admitted his feelings for Spock? He could only be so lucky. Maybe humans thought that way about friends. Maybe it was just part of the dream. This was in no way an answer. But it sounded nice to Spock, anyway. He regretfully let go of Jim’s hand.


	3. My Mind Was Somewhere Else

Spock let Jim sleep for another three hours before the shuttle began its approach to New Vulcan. Shaking him gently, Spock woke the captain up.

 

“Hmwah?”

 

“We are approaching New Vulcan, Captain.”

 

“Report,” Jim croaked, still asleep.

 

“No, Jim, we are not on the ship. Wake up.”

 

Jim opened one eye and then yawned. “Man, that trip was easier than I thought! Hey, I didn’t drool on you, did I?” he joked. Spock looked appropriately bored by the captain’s humor, and the runabout dropped easily into the atmosphere. Jim looked out the window eagerly. “Spock, you can’t even see any evidence of the city! Guess Vulcans do environmentally friendly well, huh?”

 

Spock was only half-listening to the other man, focusing mainly on the pilot calling out landing coordinates and instructions. The landing didn’t worry him, so much as seeing the colony made him uncomfortable. He still felt he should have been there, helping rebuild. Again, his counterpart’s urging rang though his mind and he wondered if it was all a part of a grand scheme, for him to fall for his captain. Life-altering indeed.

 

“—and then we had sex.” The younger man finished whatever tale he had been telling and Spock realized with a start that he had totally tuned him out.

 

“I beg your pardon? Who?” he asked, in shock.

 

“I was kidding, Spock, I just wanted to mess with you. You were a million miles away. What’s up?” Spock practically scowled at Jim, and Jim raised his hands in mock surrender. “I give. I’ll shut up. Sorry.” His apology shamed Spock.

 

“Ca—Jim. There is nothing for which to apologize. Seeing the colony reminds me of the duty I shunned to come aboard the _Enterprise_. It is slightly unsettling. I should not have taken it out on you, however.” Spock closed his eyes for a brief moment, and Jim noticed the tension lines on his face.

 

“Jeez, this is really getting to you! Should we not have come? I didn’t mean to pressure you into something, Spock,” Jim whispered.

 

“I would have had to make this trip regardless. My father insisted that I come see the new colony at my earliest convenience. This may not have been the earliest instance; however it was the most logical.”

 

“Did you want to come alone?” Jim asked honestly.  
  
“ _No._ ” The answer came more forcefully than Spock intended, and he cleared his throat. “What I mean to say is….” He trailed off.

 

“Spock you don’t have to say it. I prefer not to go home alone either. Bones usually went with me while I was at the Academy. That’s why I was staying on the ship this break – nobody to join me. So I totally get it, Spock.” Jim patted his forearm gently. “I’ve got your back,” he whispered.

 

The runabout landed and for a moment there was only dust. Then it settled and Jim was amazed. The city was beautiful, not as austere as he expected. Indeed, it was kind of inviting. Spock got up and stood at the front of the craft. Jim got the feeling if Spock could tap his foot he would. This was not going to be a pleasant trip, he could tell.

 

Jim thought of all the times in the past year and a half he had faced uncomfortable situations. Talking with Komack and Nogura. Oh boy, those two could make him feel an inch tall. Facing alien leaders when entering negotiations. Writing those dreaded bereavement letters to the (thankfully) few crewmembers’ families for those who wouldn’t be returning. Yet he got through it.

 

But _how_ did he get through it? He wasn’t drinking over it. He wasn’t starting random fights anymore. Bones was pretty busy with Sickbay, so he couldn’t unwind by telling him all about it. No, nowadays he told … Spock.

 

That was it! Spock had taken every one of his burdens and eased them somehow. Did Spock realize how much he meant to the captain? But it wasn’t just at work. They played chess together, Spock was teaching Jim different martial arts, and they ate every meal together. They couldn’t be any closer if they tried. Of course, he could try to _date_ Spock. That would be closer.

 

Spock might really kill him, then. Did Vulcans have gays or bisexuals? They might think it was illogical. Especially now. No little pointy-eared babies.

 

“—and then we engaged in intercourse.”

 

“What?!” Jim sputtered, pulled hastily out of his reverie.

 

Spock was the picture of serenity. “The pilot gave us permission to disembark five minutes previously. You were distracted. I chose to return the favor.” He tilted his head briefly and handed Jim his carry-on. “After you, Jim.”


	4. Redefining Awkward

Jim climbed down and had to immediately shield his eyes. God, the sun was bright. It was also freaking _hot_ already _._ It felt like sweat broke out on his forehead the moment his feet touched the ground. Spock climbed down behind him and took a deep breath. It hadn’t occurred to Jim that this environment would be preferable for Spock. Now that he thought about it, Spock looked more relaxed now than before. Wait; there went that line in between his eyes. He was staring at something coming up the road.

 

Jim moved discreetly in front of his First and tried to look big and menacing. He thought he had the menacing part down when the aircar parked and out came … Solion, who looked at Jim with great fondness.

 

“I believe it is the First Officer’s job to protect the captain, not the opposite, Jim.” Solion watched as Spock hastily moved forward, obviously annoyed.

 

Jim jerked his thumb towards Spock. “Hey, Solion. Don’t antagonize him; he’s had a rough trip.” He walked over to the aircar. “Are you our ride?”

 

“Indeed. Ambassador Sarek sends his regards and asks that he pick you up at my dwelling as soon as his job will permit him.”

 

Jim looked around for a bit before climbing in the back of the aircar. “Hey, Solion, take the most scenic route to your place. I want to see the colony.”

 

Solion chuckled softly. “Always the adventurer, Jim. I can take you on a tour if you like.”

 

“Yes.” “No.” Jim and Spock answered in unison and looked at each other.

 

“No.” “Yes.” They switched their answers at the same time. Solion raised an eyebrow and nodded.

 

“Very well,” Solion began, “I will take you on a ‘scenic’ route and hope that will suffice.” He started the aircar and pulled away from the visitors’ center. He glanced over at his younger counterpart in sympathy. “My Jim was also fond of doing activities specifically meant to traumatize me.”

 

“It is no trauma to see the colony,” Spock began, but Jim overrode his platitudes.

 

“He’s upset that he didn’t stay and help the colony, and Sarek’s been riding him to come visit.” Jim wasted no time on pleasantries. “I say it’s a hard decision. Stay with New Vulcan, or stay with the _Enterprise_ , either way someone gets disappointed.”

 

“Any being could fill the positions of Science Officer and First Officer. Only a Vulcan could help rebuild our race,” Spock pointed out frostily.

 

“And who’s the half-Vulcan everyone spent most of their lives shunning?” Jim shot back.

 

“ _Kroykah!_ ” Solion called out. “No fighting during this visit. Jim, that was what you would term a ‘low blow.’ Please refrain from mentioning our genetic makeup and upbringing.” Jim colored and looked away. Spock straightened minutely. “And Spock, you and I have had this discussion previously. You are in a five-year mission now. If at the end of the mission you still feel the need to help, you may return at that time. However, do not make Jim suffer for your decision.” At the gentle rebuke Spock turned away again.

 

The rest of the ride was painfully quiet, with only Solion calling out points of interest. Jim watched intently. However, Spock left his gaze fastened on his lap. At one point, Jim tried to look at the aircar’s controls, and pulled himself forward over the seat. This put his hand against Spock’s shoulder, and his head in Spock’s sight. Spock breathed in deeply, which Jim immediately misinterpreted.

 

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” he mumbled, sitting back. Solion turned to look at Jim.

 

“What brings this apology?” Solion questioned. He noticed Jim was flushed, and Spock wasn’t much better off. A small smile crossed his face, and he pulled the aircar off the route and left it hovering. “I believe this trip will go more smoothly if we get this uncomfortable topic out in the open now.”

 

Spock went pale and his eyes widened dramatically. Jim began to investigate the interior of the car. Solion frowned.

 

“Spock, is there something you wish to say to the captain?”

 

“No.” Spock shook his head and looked out the window.

 

“Jim, is there something you wish to say to Spock?” Solion tried.

 

“No. Yes! Wait. Uh…” Jim was uncharacteristically speechless. Finally he forged ahead. “Solion, so help me if he tries to kill me and you don’t defend me I’ll never forgive you.” That being said, he took a deep breath.

  
“I … kind of have a crush on you,” Jim began, forcing himself to look at Spock’s left ear. “It wasn’t quite so bad when I thought you were dating Uhura. But now that I know you’re single, it’s kind of taken on new life.” He lowered his eyes when there was no reaction. “I’m really sorry. I’ll get over it eventually. I’m sorry.”

 

Solion reached back and patted Jim’s hand. “That took great courage, James.”

 

Spock looked at his feet. “Perhaps I do not wish for you to ‘get over it’.” His voice was low and rough. Jim looked at Spock, then Solion, as if for confirmation.

 

Solion took over. “Do you realize you have each confided in me about your feelings, and I could not tell the other? Do you realize what a strain it has been for the past six months, two weeks, three days, and some-odd minutes to keep this secret?” There was warmth in his voice. “My bondmate was just as nervous as you both are. Our circumstances were … a little more extreme, however. Should I say, rushed?”

 

“How much more extreme can you get?” Jim asked in surprise. Spock thought for a moment and then paled yet again.

 

“You … went … on the ship?” Spock stuttered. Jim was totally lost by this point. Solion flushed a light emerald. “You? But? When? Oh dear gods,” Spock breathed. He was nearing panic at this point, and Jim reached out and gripped his shoulder.

 

“What on the ship, Spock? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Jim looked at Solion. “What did you say to freak him out like this?”

 

“Do you wish me to answer his question, _tomasu_?” Solion was gentle. Spock shrugged and looked out the window, trembling slightly.

 

“I will take that as a yes. James, there is a special time in a Vulcan’s life, when something happens--”

 

“You’re giving me The Talk?!” Jim blurted out. The capital letters came through clearly in his tone. Then terror struck him. “You mean you guys have _babies_?”

 

Spock’s head whipped back around and he opened his mouth to object, when both realized Solion had gone silent but was shaking with repressed laughter. They waited for several moments until the old man had regained his composure.

 

“My – my apologies. I have not laughed like that since my Jim was alive.” He wiped a stray tear from his eye. “Child, I am apparently doomed to ‘botch’ this. Perhaps you should be the one to tell him.”

 

Spock sighed. “Very well. Captain, Vulcan reproductive cycles are bound by a rhythm, and during their Time, as it is referred to, adult Vulcan males must mate or die. This occurs approximately every seven years.”

 

“If you are lucky,” murmured Solion.

 

“It was not so for you?” Spock questioned weakly. He really didn’t want to know the answer.

 

“My first Time was delayed by many years. Thus my being on the ship when it occurred. I thought I had escaped that particular part of my biology.”

 

“But then it was seven years, correct?” Spock demanded. Solion tilted his head and calculated.

 

“No. It varied. Sometimes four years, sometimes nine. However, it _did_ continue for the entirety of my middle age.”

 

Spock pursed his lips in concentration before asking his next question. “If you were on the ship all those years, how did you reach your bondmate in time?” Spock was frantically making preparations in his head for this horrific event.

 

Solion almost – _almost_ – rolled his eyes. As it was, he looked up in supplication. “You remember I told you I was close with my Jim. Listen to me. After all these years he is still ‘my Jim’.”

 

Spock nodded. “So ‘your Jim’ was able to get you back home in time?” he prompted.

 

Solion closed his eyes. “Please tell me your deductive skills are not so weak as to miss this, child.”

 

There was silence in the aircar, until Jim raised his head with a smile on his face.

 

“You didn’t need to go to your bondmate. Your bondmate was with you the entire time.” He grinned at Solion, as if all the pieces suddenly fit. “That’s why you weren’t surprised at my little secret. His either.”

 

Spock’s jaw dropped slightly. “You were _bonded_ to your _Captain_?!”

 

“Some things apparently remain constant in any time line,” Solion supplied.

  
It was Jim’s turn to cackle in delight. “Oh, this is rich. So it’s like our destiny to be together? You think all the Jim Kirks and Spocks get together like this? Or were you just hoping?”

 

Solion raised an eyebrow in consternation. “This, coming from the man who proclaims he does not believe in destiny.”

 

“No, I said I don’t believe in no-win scenarios. Big difference.”

 

“Regardless,” Spock interjected, “your past does not foretell our future. You said this yourself.”

 

“Hmm. You have me there. But the facts remain that you, Jim, think Spock is ‘the whole package’. Spock, you think your captain is aesthetically pleasing as well as mentally stimulating. High praise on both sides. What do you propose to do with this new knowledge?” Solion sat back and gave his most piercing glare, directed for the moment at his younger counterpart.

 

Spock withered under the stare. “Perhaps we can discuss this at a _later time?_ ” he pleaded.

 

“Very well,” Solion conceded. “You will be here for eleven days. There will be plenty of opportunity.” He started the aircar and eased back onto the path. It turns out they had stopped not that far from Solion’s home. It looked … well, it looked like a home. Not that special. Jim gave it the once over.


	5. Do We Need To Discuss This NOW?

Spock beat him to it, and it turned out to be a good thing. “This is quite amazing, _tomasu_. Impressive for one of your station.” Oh. So this was actually a big place on New Vulcan? Jim was glad he kept his mouth shut.

 

“There is apparently a reverence for elders now. One might say I am as endangered as our entire species.” Solion looked down sadly.

 

“Most of your elders were lost, weren’t they?” Jim whispered.

 

“Lost.” Spock had a definite glare on his face, but it wasn’t directed at anyone in particular. “ _Lost_. As if they could be found someday. They were massacred, plain and simple. By that madman.” Spock still wouldn’t speak his name.

 

“Child. Be still. It is over. Now is the time for healing, not more anger.” Solion made a gesture towards the domain. “Please, be my guests.”

 

They entered Solion’s home, placing their bags in the front entrance. Solion walked forward. “May I offer you refreshment?”

 

Spock accepted, and gave Jim a look that told him he’d better accept too. They received glasses of water. “Most kind,” Spock replied.

 

“Thank you,” Jim added. He took a sip tentatively. He wasn’t much of a water drinker, much to Bones’ annoyance. Water was for making coffee in Jim’s world. He noticed Spock drank his glass rather quickly, and then set the glass aside. Jim had the feeling he was missing some sort of ritual here.

 

“May I show you my abode?” Solion offered. Spock nodded, and gestured for Jim to come along. Jim trailed behind, sipping at his water as much as possible. The house was beautiful. There were two bedrooms, a single bathroom, a sitting room, a kitchen, and a room Solion referred to as a meditation center, but that door remained closed. Jim raised his eyebrows at that but said nothing.

 

After the tour, they returned to the sitting room. Solion glanced at Jim as if to check something, and then nodded. He went to his kitchen and returned with a small packet.

 

“My Jim wouldn’t drink plain water. Dr. McCoy finally convinced him to drink a concoction known as Kool-Aid. This should help you get your drink down,” Solion offered. Jim grinned and accepted it, reading it.

 

“Oh, awesome. Grape. My favorite!”

 

“Yes, some things are constant…” Solion replied quietly. They sat down and relaxed for a moment. Outside, the sun was baking everything in sight. Jim stared out the window a long moment, and then closed his eyes. It was so peaceful here. So easy to just drift off and ….

 

“What will be your explanation to your father of your relationship with Jim, Spock?” Solion’s quiet question floated in one ear and almost out the other. Jim cracked an eye open and assessed the situation. The two Vulcans were staring each other down across the room. Apparently, Solion was winning. Spock glanced away, fidgeting with his hands clasped in his lap. Jim feigned sleep until the question was answered or someone called him out.

 

“My father does not need to know--”

 

“Your father is not blind, child, and unless your acting skills improve dramatically in the next half hour, you will be found out.” Solion rose and stood beside Jim’s seat, looking out the window. “This does not have to be a crisis, Spock. Your father wants only the best for you.”

 

_That isn’t me_ , Jim thought.

 

“Father wants me to bond and procreate.” Spock’s voice turned hard and bitter. “As if the community would be any more accepting of three-quarter Vulcans than a half-Vulcan. The captain was correct -- my people have shunned me my entire life. It is highly unlikely they will change their behavior now.”

 

Spock turned the tables. “And you would dare lecture me of my choices? You chose your own way. What were your results? How did _your_ family take the news that you were bonding with a human male?”

 

Solion gripped his hands behind his back and stood tall in the sunlight. “I was determined I had found something beyond measure. I had found my _t’hy’la._ My family’s opinion was not a deciding factor, although their support meant a great deal in later years.”

 

“ _T’hy’la_? Was it true? Was he that to you?”

 

“That and more. We operated as two halves of a whole, for over thirty years. As a command team and as a pair, we functioned fluidly and powerfully. Nothing could come between us.”

 

“But something did,” Spock pointed out hesitantly.

 

“It did,” admitted Solion. He turned and faced his younger self. “I will say this much. Treasure Jim for the time you have him, because regardless of how long it is, it will be over before you know it.”

 

Jim decided to fake a yawn and open both his eyes. “Hey guys. All this heat makes me sleepy. I’m sorry; I hope I wasn’t too rude.”

 

“It is understandable. However, I expect Sarek within the next few minutes. As you humans would say, ‘we need to talk.’” Solion sat beside Spock and pointed to the space beside Jim. Spock crossed obediently and sat beside his captain.

 

“Jim. Entering into a relationship with Spock will not be as easy as doing so with a human mate. First, there is no casual dating. You will either be with him or not. Second, speaking of casual, there is no casual sex. Intercourse is reserved for committed relationships. Last, if you intend to bond with Spock, you must make your announcement to his family. If you decide this is your path, I will be willing to assist you in your preparations. Spock, is there anything you would like to add?” Solion wrapped up his impromptu lecture.

 

“I have not been a perfect Vulcan,” Spock objected. “I was in a casual relationship with a human female for approximately two Standard years. I can be casual.”

 

Solion raised an eyebrow. “How far did this casual relationship go?” Spock blushed hard and Solion nodded. “You turned her physical advances down. You remain a virgin.” Solion looked at Jim very pointedly.

 

“Hey, it’s not like I planned on raping the guy. Doesn’t anyone actually just _sleep_ with someone anymore?” Jim protested jokingly. Solion shook his head.

 

“I cannot answer your queries as to how far you can advance with Spock. That is his domain alone.” Solion looked to the window again suddenly. “Sarek is here.” Jim wasn’t sure if there was a sigh of relief from Spock, but he knew _he_ was glad that talk was over.

 

Solion answered the door. “Enter. May I offer you refreshment?” he intoned as Sarek walked in.

  
“I would be grateful,” Sarek replied. Solion raised an eyebrow at the younger men as he passed by to get Sarek’s water. Jim waited for Spock to say something – anything – to his father, but apparently that was postponed until the water ritual was over.

 

When Sarek had finished his water, Spock approached him and raised his hand to show him the _ta’al_. “Greetings, Father. It is agreeable to see you again.”

 

“Greetings, son.” He turned to Jim with almost perfect control on his features, but the surprise still showed. “Greetings, Captain Kirk.” Jim felt a sudden chill in the air, but he wasn’t sure where it originated.

 

“Hello, Ambassador Sarek. How are you?” Jim asked politely.

 

“I am hale. If you are ready, we will continue to my dwelling. Solion, thank you for caring for my son and his companion.” Sarek picked up Spock’s bag at the door. Spock looked from his father to Solion and back again, and then followed him to the door.

 

“We’re still on for chess, right Solion?” Jim tossed over his shoulder.

 

Solion nodded. “If your schedule permits. Do not forget our conversation. Peace and long life, Captain, Commander, Ambassador.”

 

“Live long and prosper,” Sarek replied, and then he and his son were out the door. Jim followed soon after.


	6. Home On The Range

The ride to Sarek’s house was silent, too, but this silence seemed to seep into the very pores of the beings it surrounded. This was a heavy, painful silence. No one was inclined to end it; Jim got the courage up once or twice, only to be given a look by Spock as soon as he drew in breath to speak.

 

 _I guess this is what passes for family time on New Vulcan,_ Jim speculated. The vehicle slowed to a stop and everyone got out. Spock took his bag and went in the house without looking back at either Jim or his father. Sarek glanced at Jim and followed his son in. Jim stood outside in the sun, blinking back confusion that had been building since he arrived on this planet. Finally, the heat got to him and he picked up his belongings and followed the others inside.

 

The house was very sparsely furnished; honestly, it made Solion’s place look like a resort. There were no pictures on the walls or in frames on tables. There wasn’t a couch or comfy chair in sight. As Jim shut the door, he waited warily to see if the water ritual was going to be repeated. He doubted Sarek had Kool-Aid in his kitchen cabinets. After a few quiet minutes of nothing, Jim walked over to Spock, who had pulled off his robe and was unpacking his belongings in the sitting room.

 

“Hey. Uh, need any help?” It was lame, but it was all Jim could think of to say. After such a long quietude, his voice sounded ten times too loud. He winced.

 

Spock pitched his voice lower. “You will be staying in the guest room. Down the hall, on the left.” He didn’t make eye contact. Jim started to get very frustrated.

 

“Spock, we need to talk,” Jim hissed under his breath. Spock glanced back at the hall, and then shook his head.

 

“Not here. Later. I will take you into the city.” Spock began buttoning up a dress shirt over his undershirt.

 

“But--” Jim interjected.

 

“ _Not here._ ” Spock repeated forcefully. Jim blew out a breath of aggravation and practically stomped down the hall. The bedroom was very tiny, big enough for the bed that inhabited it and that was all. He flung his pack on the bed and sat down hard, dropping his head in his hands.

 

What in the holy hell was wrong here? If the whole ritualistic nature of the visit to Solion’s had him uncomfortable, its conspicuous absence here was downright horrific. Maybe it wasn’t done with family members. But Solion was practically family! And then there had been Sarek’s reaction to Jim’s presence. He seemed taken aback. Apparently Spock hadn’t filled in his father that he was bringing company home. Jim’s mother was always prepared for an extra person tagging along. But it wasn’t so here.

 

Maybe Sarek didn’t expect company. Maybe Sarek was expecting Uhura! That put Jim back on his heels. No, no, maybe he just wanted to be alone with his son. That was better.

 

Jim knew he couldn’t really discuss his budding feelings for Spock with him while they were on the ship. He was hoping they would do it here, like Solion started, but now it seemed all wrong. Spock had said something about going into the city. Where could they talk without being overheard? Suddenly Jim was very paranoid. _Good god, man, get a grip,_ his inner voice told him, sounding very much like Bones. _You can have your little love talk and then go about your business. No reason it should be the only thing you get out of this trip._

 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and completely missed the soft footsteps in the hall. Someone cleared his throat. Jim looked up in surprise to find Sarek standing in the doorway.

 

“Captain,” Sarek began, but Jim jumped in.

 

“Ambassador, I am so sorry I’m intruding on your family time. I thought Spock had let you know I was coming. I can leave if you would prefer.” It all spilled out of Jim in one breath. The Vulcan on the receiving end of this spiel remained motionless. Finally, the silence stretched out and Jim looked away.

 

“Captain. James. May I call you James?” Sarek sounded exasperated. Jim nodded. “My son had informed me he was bringing a guest. I was simply not expecting it to be you. It is not an unpleasant development.” He gestured to the room. “You are quite welcome here.”

 

Spock appeared behind Sarek. “Father, I had promised the captain I would show him the city during daylight hours. May we take your leave?”

 

If Sarek was surprised, it didn’t show. “Certainly, my son. Will you be traveling by foot or will you need the aircar?”

 

“On foot,” Jim and Spock answered at the same time. Spock flushed a little. Sarek nodded.

 

“It is a two hour journey to the city limits. Please time your return before sundown.” With that, Sarek turned and walked out of the room.

 

Jim watched him leave, and then looked back at the younger Vulcan. “So, uh, do we need to say goodbye … or, uh … anything?” He was grappling to find proper words.

 

Spock looked at Jim rather dispassionately and shook his head once. “We only depart. If you will follow me?” The two walked out to the tiny kitchen of the house, where Spock had filled two water bottles. Spock handed one to Jim and then turned and walked towards the door. Jim was becoming frustrated again. This was going to be the world’s longest and most painful vacation ever if this outlandish behavior continued. Maybe he could go stay with Solion. If he could just remember the directions back there….

 

The pair departed, casting small shadows under the midmorning sun. Jim tried to regulate his breathing while still keeping up with Spock. Either Spock’s desert-bred physiology gave him an advantage, or Jim was seriously out of shape. When they had kept up this punishing pace for an hour, Jim’s legs began to quiver and he stopped.

 

“Spock!” he called out, panting. “I gotta stop. Please stop.” Spock halted and looked back, alarmed at the tone of Jim’s voice. Jim was bent over, hands on his knees, trembling slightly. Spock dashed back and reached down to place a hand over Jim’s heart. He stood there for a moment, and then nodded.

 

“Your heart rate is accelerated, but not alarmingly so. Is your breathing labored?” His words sounded clinical but the worry in his eyes was very evident.

 

Jim shook his head and bent over. “Just gotta … catch my breath. You walk fast!” he exclaimed.

 

Spock removed his hand from Jim’s chest and placed it on his back, in support. “Can you continue, or do I need to return and retrieve my father’s aircar?”

 

Jim huffed out in amusement. “I’m not going to expire right here, Spock. I just need to catch my breath. And maybe not walk three miles an hour?” he joked. He wiped the sweat away from his forehead and slowed his breathing.

 

“I apologize, Capt--Jim, I did not anticipate the effects of the atmosphere or weather on a human body. Do you wish to continue?” he asked again.

 

Jim nodded. “Unless you and I are going to have our first lovers’ spat here in the middle of the desert, we’d better keep going.” Jim didn’t miss the shock that sprang up on Spock’s features at the word ‘lovers’, nor did he miss the fact that Spock didn’t correct him. He counted that as a small victory. He was just about ready to go when he noticed Spock scrutinizing the side of his head.

 

“Uh … Spock? Whatcha doin?” Jim asked, holding still just in case. Spock frowned and touched the top of Jim’s ear, causing Jim to yelp in surprise.

 

“It is as I feared,” Spock remarked. “I was distracted and did not have you apply your sunscreen. You are burning, Jim.” Spock seemed very remorseful. “There is no alternative. We are at the halfway point. Either we return to my domicile and tend to your burns, or we seek assistance in the city. It is your decision, sir.” Spock stood up straight. He was at attention. _Oh, no no no,_ Jim’s mind raced. _We’re not going back to Captain and Commander now._

 

“Spock. Listen to me.” Jim reached out and took his hand tentatively. Spock stiffened for a moment, and then relaxed. “It’s just me,” Jim spoke in a soft undertone. “We’re okay. Don’t clam up on me now. I know you’ve got to be the perfect Vulcan for your father and the perfect officer on the ship, but right now it’s just you and me. You’re safe,” he whispered.

 

Spock squeezed his hand a fraction. “Thank you. Jim. I will remember that.” He let go and nodded to the west. “We have just under a mile to go. Shall we continue?”

 

Jim smiled. “I’m right behind you.”


	7. Alone At Last

By the time the two reached the city limits, Jim could feel his skin drawing tight as it burned under the intense sun. It had taken them another hour to complete the journey, traveling at a speed that would not exhaust a human. Jim looked around. The city kind of reminded him of old movies about a place called Dodge. Dirt streets, dusty buildings, people going about their business quietly. It was very peaceful. Several of the passers-by stared at Jim and he smiled back weakly. Spock walked up beside him.

 

“Captain, there is a restaurant fifty meters ahead on your left. We may stop there and eat lunch.” Spock’s voice was very quiet, and Jim made a mental note to keep his down too.

 

“I’m not that hungry, Spock,” he began.

 

“Sir, you must eat. Dr. McCoy would not be pleased with me if I neglected to care for you.” Spock lowered his voice even further and touched two fingers to the back of Jim’s hand. “Nor would I forgive myself.”

 

Jim smiled shyly. “Okay, Spock. Let’s go eat.” Walking another fifty meters was easy after the trek they had completed already. Jim started to enter the building but Spock walked ahead and opened the door for him. Jim looked at him funny but went in regardless. There were only two other patrons in the establishment. A waiter approached Spock.

 

“Greetings, sir. How may we serve?” The waiter was maybe Spock’s age, maybe younger.

 

“We would prefer your most private placement.” Spock spoke clearly, holding his head up high. The waiter’s eyes opened marginally and he took in the sight of his two customers.

 

“Very well, sirs. This way.” He led them back to another wing of the restaurant and placed them in a booth. “Would you like a beverage?”

 

“Water would be appreciated,” Spock replied calmly.

 

“Um, do you have any soda?” Jim asked. The waiter nodded and wrote the order down. Placing two menus before them, he looked between the two once more before walking away.

 

Spock leaned forward across the table. “Jim.” Beneath the table, he reached out and took Jim’s hand discreetly. Jim jerked a bit in surprise but didn’t pull away.

 

“Spock, what are you doing?” he whispered, leaning forward as well.

 

“Jim, we agreed we would discuss this at a later time. It is later. I brought you here so we could talk without being overheard.” Spock seemed earnest.

 

“Without being overheard? Spock, we’re in a public restaurant! We’re going to be overheard!” Jim protested in a harsh whisper.

 

“The others will honor the precepts of privacy. We can speak here. Quietly,” he amended. “We cannot speak at my father’s house, and speaking at Solion’s would be….”

 

“Weird?” Jim supplied. Spock nodded. “Okay, so we talk here. Spock, listen, everything that Solion told me--”

 

“—was not exactly true.” Spock shook his head once. “Monogamy _is_ a key element in relationships, however, if you would prefer to date other people--”

 

Here Jim broke in. “I don’t. Want to date other people.” He screwed his eyes shut and drew in a breath. “Spock, I don’t know how to tell you what I feel. It’s so overwhelming, so intense, it’s almost frightening. But it’s real and it’s been here for almost a year now.” He opened his eyes and smiled. “So if there’s any way I can explore where these feelings lead, I would really like to do it. If that means I don’t date anyone else until we know for sure where this is headed, then I’m in it for the long haul.”

 

Spock’s eyes lit up. “It is very pleasing to hear you say this. I, too, have struggled with emotions concerning you for approximately 8.6 months. I did not know how to approach you without offending you.”

 

“Why would you have offended me, Spock?” Jim frowned slightly.

 

Spock cut his eyes to the side and his color heightened. “I do not know how to discuss this without upsetting you.”

 

“Just say it.” That was Captain Kirk speaking now.

 

“Your … I believe the phrase is ‘your reputation precedes you.’ I was not aware that you would be in favor of my advances.”

 

Jim instantly understood and softened again. “You heard I was a ladies’ man and thought that meant I wasn’t interested in guys. I’ve known I was bi since high school, Spock. I just haven’t ever found the right guy to be involved with. That didn’t stop everyone from thinking Bones and I had a thing going….”

 

Spock began to choke, and Jim sat up straight. “You okay?” he asked. The waiter returned with their drinks and Spock sipped his water, still coughing from time to time.

 

“Are you gentlemen ready to order?” There was something about his tone that Jim didn’t like. But this was his first time on this planet; it wouldn’t do to cause a scene over a rude waiter.

 

After they had placed their orders and were alone again, Jim reached under the table to take Spock’s hand again. “Hey, what was with the sudden attack about Bones? Did someone say something about us to you?” Jim was apologetic.

 

Spock shook his head and squeezed Jim’s hand. “I had made that erroneous conjecture on my own. Dr. McCoy was adamant I be set right and accused me – quite appropriately – of being jealous.” Spock’s face struggled to remain impassive in the face of this amusing memory.

 

“ _You_ went to _Bones_ about this?” Jim’s grin could have lit the entire room. Spock felt an odd warmth flood his senses.

 

“Spock.” The two men looked up at an older Vulcan man standing by their table. They pulled their hands apart as inconspicuously as possible. “I was unaware you were coming to the colony. What business have you here?”

 

If the waiter’s tone had been unwelcoming, this man’s voice was downright frigid. Jim was ready to kick his ass on principle alone. Spock straightened and nodded to Jim.

 

“S’Taren, this is Captain James T. Kirk. This is his first visit to the colony. My family is hosting him.”

 

Jim plastered a smile on his face that he knew didn’t reach his eyes. “S’Taren, live long and prosper.” He gave the _ta’al_ flawlessly, and Spock cheered on the inside.

 

S’Taren darted his eyes between the two and then was forced by politeness to return the greeting. “Peace and long life, Captain. How long will you be staying in our humble community?”

 

“I believe my visit will last just over a week. You already know my second-in-command. How did you meet?” This was stilted but Jim wasn’t going to take his snobbery lying down. Spock placed his foot gently on top of Jim’s in warning.

 

“Spock’s father and I work together at the embassy. I have known Spock his entire life. Certainly longer than you.” There wasn’t any camouflaging that attack. Jim rose smoothly out of his seat. He stood perhaps a good three or four inches shorter than S’Taren, however his anger made him appear to tower.

 

“Is there something I can do for you, sir, or did you just want to catch up on old times with Spock? Because we’re just here to enjoy a meal in the city. We don’t want any trouble.” _But we’ll handle it if it comes,_ Jim’s voice suggested.

 

“You appear sunburned, Captain. Were you not prepared for your trip?” S’Taren’s voice oozed fake sympathy. Jim’s right hand closed slowly into a fist. Spock noticed quickly and stood as well.

 

“Captain, I believe we are due for a transmission this afternoon. We should depart immediately.” Spock’s eyes pleaded with Jim to stand down. Finally, Jim’s pseudo-smile appeared again and he nodded to Spock.

 

“Very well, Commander. We can take our meals to go. S’Taren, if you will excuse us?” Jim moved sleekly around the Vulcan and to the front of the restaurant. He glanced back once to see that Spock was behind him.


	8. We Aren't Exactly Welcome

Leaving the establishment, they walked in silence and at a faster pace than usual until they cleared the city limits. Jim dropped his parcel in the sand and growled fiercely.

 

“That son of a bitch! What the fuck was his problem?” His voice carried over the placid desert. Spock turned to face his enraged companion.

 

“S’Taren is not what you would term a fan of mine, Jim. He merely meant to provoke a reaction out of me. It is not a new tactic, nor is it that effective anymore. You should not have let him perturb you. That was his entire goal.” Spock’s voice sounded tired, as if the whole encounter had drained him. He picked up Jim’s bag and continued forward, but at a slow enough pace that Jim could keep up.

 

“Spock, what’s wrong?” Jim called out, jogging to catch up. He studied his partner carefully. That line that always appeared in between his eyes when he was aggravated was very deep. And Jim had known before that Spock’s eyes were capable of smiling; now he knew they could frown too, without him changing his face. In fact, Spock seemed to be struggling to keep his composure. Jim grimaced and snatched a bag out of Spock’s grasp and replaced it with his hand. “Hey, talk to me,” he pleaded.

 

Spock jerked his hand free and glared at Jim. “Do not touch me!”

 

Jim stopped abruptly. “Excuse you?” he challenged.

 

Spock whirled around to confront him. “I let myself become careless in your presence. I behaved irrationally. Do not take further liberties with me. Do not touch me!” he repeated.

 

“Wait a minute,” Jim declared. He grabbed Spock’s wrist tight, knowing if he really wanted to, Spock could break free. “Wait one fucking minute. You have all these strictures about how you want a relationship? Well I’ve got a couple myself. And one of them is you don’t go hot and cold on me. Pick a direction and head for it. At the restaurant you were holding my hand and making googly eyes at me--”

 

“I was not making ‘googly eyes’ at you,” Spock interrupted.

 

“—and now you’re going to act like we’re back to the beginning of this mission? Oh no you don’t, mister. We’re going to talk this out, here and now.” Jim dug his heels in and the pair stopped.

 

Spock sighed. “Captain, you will burn further if we do not make haste to return home.”

 

Jim wasn’t hearing it. “No. What bug crawled up your ass?” He opened his mouth quickly again. “And you know damn well what I mean. Don’t play stupid now.”

 

Spock looked down at the ground. “May we walk and talk? I _am_ concerned about your health.”

 

“Fine.” Jim let go of him and they resumed their journey across the desert.

 

Spock was silent for a long time, and then he began to speak very softly. “Before I entered Starfleet, I tried to be the best Vulcan I could be. I wanted to fit in. However, at every turn I found myself judged by my mother’s blood. S’Taren is just one of a long line of people who take a perverse pleasure in proving I am not a true Vulcan.” He shook his head.

 

“I entered Starfleet because I wanted to be judged for being Spock. On my merits, and my merits alone. I did not expect acceptance. That is, until I became your First Officer. I have found that my shipmates have fond reactions to my presence, and my contributions are appreciated. And in you, I have found a friend.” Spock looked up briefly at the sun’s journey while gauging how much longer their walk would take.

 

Finally he finished his thought. “In you I thought I found a friend. I have come to realize I have found something much more important. Solion told me he and his Jim were _t’hy’la_.”  
  
“What does that mean?” Jim interjected.

 

“Its meaning cannot be translated properly. A friend, a brother, and a lover. You would call it ‘soulmate.’ It is the most sacred bond our people know.” Spock looked at Jim. Some of the tension had left his face, and his eyes seemed softer now. “I admit I have hoped you and I have that bond as well.”

 

Jim shielded his eyes for a moment to look out across their path. “How will you know?” he finally questioned.

 

Spock shrugged. “The one time you and I have mind-melded in the line of duty, I know I felt compatibility. If we were to meld enough, we may form a mating bond.” He fell silent for a moment before speaking his mind. “Would you want that?”

 

Jim thought about it. “Isn’t that permanent?” he posed.

 

“No. There have been bonds dissolved before.” Spock stopped and looked at Jim timidly. “You would not want a permanent bond?” The hurt came through in his tone.

 

Jim spun back around and held up his hands pleadingly. “No, no, no, that’s not what I meant. It’s just … well shit. It’s like this. I’m not the tomcat everyone paints me out to be. I’m not a playboy. I want to fall in love and have it last forever. I want what my parents had. But everyone I’ve ever gotten close to has left. They find out who and what I really am and they leave.”

 

Spock closed the distance between them, put his bag down, motioned for Jim to set his bag down, and connected their hands. “ _Ashayam_ , I hear your pain and I tell you I will not leave you.”

 

“Forgive me if I’m not exactly convinced,” Jim murmured.

 

Spock wrapped his arms around Jim, holding him close to him. “Feel me. I am right here. I will not leave, so long as you want me.” Jim melted a little into the embrace. Finally, Jim began to sway and Spock pushed him back. “You are in the beginning stages of heat exhaustion. We have 1500 meters to go. Can you make it?”

 

Jim smiled at Spock. “Yes, sweetheart, I can make it.” Spock nodded and they set out for the last leg of their journey.

 

“You’re just going to let me call you sweetheart?” Jim’s voice floated out across the desert.

 

“Preferably not in front of my father,” Spock’s answer echoed back.

 

They came into the house as quietly as possible, but all for naught. Sarek was sitting in the front room, reading a journal.

 

“Son,” he began, but then took in Jim’s appearance. “Captain! Please go to your room and remove as much clothing as you feel comfortable being without. You are obviously in the beginning stage of heat stroke. Spock, I will deal with you later.” That last part was spoken very harshly.

 

“No, no, Ambassador, it’s not Spock’s fault; I just forgot my sunscreen.” Jim protested as he was led down the hall.

 

“Spock, if you feel so inclined will you please fetch a wet washcloth and a full bottle of water?” Sarek’s sarcastic tone was biting. Spock nodded once and set off. Sarek helped Jim take off his shoes and began to remove his shirt.

 

“Hey hey hey, uh, Ambassador, I can do it myself,” Jim grumbled. “A little privacy please?” he asked plaintively. Sarek acquiesced and left the room. Jim yanked off his shirt and hissed at the pain on his shoulders and neck. Then he removed his jeans and lay down on the bed. There was a familiar knock at the door and he raised his head. “Enter,” he said out of habit.

  
Spock walked in and shut the door behind him. Raising a finger to his lips, he advanced. “I have convinced my father to let me care for you, despite my irresponsibility so far.” He handed Jim the water bottle and leaned in close to whisper in Jim’s ear. “I am sorry, _ashayam_ , please let me care for you.”

 

Jim looked into Spock’s eyes and saw the compassion there and nodded mutely. Spock began to dab at Jim’s shoulders and neck with the wet washcloth. Jim whimpered and Spock backed off the pressure slightly. Raising his other hand, he gestured to Jim’s temple.

 

“I can reduce the amount of pain with a very light meld. Would this be acceptable?” he whispered so faintly that Jim had to strain to hear him. When he understood, he nodded again. Spock positioned his fingers on Jim’s face and began to murmur under his breath in Vuhlkansu. Gradually, the pain began to ebb and Jim felt his muscles relax from the tension they had been under. He began to blink rapidly, fighting sleep.

 

“Sleep now, _ashayam_. I will be waiting for you when you awake.” Spock gave one final pass of his hand over Jim’s forehead and stood up. Before he left, he rescued the water bottle from Jim’s weakening grasp and put it on the floor beside the bed. Then he walked out and into the living room where his father sat waiting.

 

“Is the captain asleep?” Sarek asked pointedly.

 

“Yes Father. We may speak undisturbed.” Spock waited for the inevitable lecture.

 

Sarek drew himself up and adopted a very severe look. “I should have never let you go into the desert with him. He is a human and is not adapted to the elements the way we are. I was neglectful. You were remiss. Which of us is worse has yet to be decided. However, I suspect it was not Captain Kirk’s intention to join you on this trip. What argument did you use to persuade him?” The almost non-sequitur threw Spock for a moment and he had to think about his response carefully.

 

“There was no argument in this decision. I asked the captain if he wished to join me during the stand-down and he agreed freely.” Spock heard the defensive tone in his voice and backed away a little. This was usually the point in their household when Spock’s mother would bustle in and separate the men until they both cooled off. Her absence was grievous.

 

Apparently Sarek was thinking along the same lines, for he glanced at the kitchen, where she would usually stay during their father-son discussions. “Why the captain?” Sarek finally responded.

 

“As opposed to?” Spock questioned.

 

Sarek looked away briefly before meeting his son’s eyes again. “Why did that nice young woman not join you? The one you were so obviously enamored with the past three years?”

 

“Nyota and I are no longer involved romantically. She has other plans for this holiday. As did almost every other crewmember on board. I became aware that the captain did not have plans and wanted him to join me.” Again, that edge of justification crept into Spock’s response and he looked down at the floor in aggravation. Having done so, he missed the shrewd look that flitted across his father’s countenance.

 

“When I was first introduced to the experience that is James Kirk, it was done watching you attempt to end his life in retaliation for his provocative comments. From this auspicious beginning I would not have expected the two of you to be anything more than shipmates. Yet you felt the need to bring him along on your first trip to your new home. Explain.” Sarek stood warily in front of his seething offspring.

 

“He is my friend,” Spock replied succinctly.

 

“Ah.” Sarek nodded. “Your friend.”

 

“Yes. I am capable of making friends, despite the torture I endured as a child.” Spock glared at his parent.

 

“Indeed?” Sarek challenged and opened his mouth to say something further when the door opened to the guest room and Jim stumbled out in just his jeans.

 

“Jim?” Spock started forward without thinking. He placed a protective hand under Jim’s elbow and guided him into the sitting area and down into a chair. “Is there something you need?”

 

“I’m hot,” Jim sighed. Spock placed the back of his hand to Jim’s forehead and waited. Finally he shook his head.

 

“You are not experiencing a fever. In fact, were you becoming sicker you would be dry instead of sweating. Have you finished your water?” Spock posed. Jim nodded his answer. “Very well. I will retrieve your bottle and refill it.” Spock did so, leaving Sarek to stare at Jim. Jim just sat boneless in the chair.

 

“Should you not contact Dr. McCoy?” Sarek asked his son when he was back.

 

“No,” Jim mumbled. “Don’t call Bones. He’s on vacation.”

 

“Would you prefer we take you to a healer here in the city, Captain?” Sarek questioned.

 

“Don’t need anything. Just water and sleep.” To prove his statement, Jim stumbled out of the chair and back to his room, clutching the water bottle to his chest.

 

Sarek looked at the chronometer on his desk and took a deep breath. “I am due in a meeting in 45 minutes. I trust you can care for your ‘friend’ without further incident?”

 

“We will survive without your expert guidance,” Spock snapped, and suddenly there was electricity in the air. Both men stood frozen. Finally, Sarek nodded.

 

“Peace and long life, child.” Sarek walked out of the house without waiting for a reply.


	9. Love Is In The Air

Spock felt his heart pounding in his side and closed his eyes. Fighting with his father always drained him, and he never felt he made any headway. Even as an adult, he was treated like a child. He opened his eyes and walked gently to the spare bedroom. Tapping lightly on the door, he listened for a response. When there was none, he risked opening the door.

 

Jim was sprawled on the bed in just his underwear. His chest rose and fell in a regular pattern, and Spock realized he had been holding his breath. He entered the room and closed the door behind him. Walking over to the bed, Spock watched his friend slumbering. He seemed so at peace. Innocent, in a way. Spock knelt down beside the bed and laid a cool hand on Jim’s warmer one.

 

_peacesecurityloveacceptancehome_

 

Jim’s emotions and surface thoughts all seemed to indicate he was happy here, which put Spock’s mind at rest. So he hadn’t heard Spock and his father arguing. That was a pleasant development.

 

“Hey, babe, what’s wrong?” Jim’s crystal blue eyes had fluttered open and were scanning Spock’s face.

 

“Nothing is wrong,” Spock lied uneasily, and Jim scooted over in the bed and patted the empty space.

 

“C’mere, you big lug,” Jim called affectionately. Spock slipped out of his shoes and lay down on the tiny bed, pressed head to toe against Jim. Jim wrapped an arm around Spock’s side and pulled him closer. “Now,” he began seriously. “Another requirement I have in a relationship is no lying. What’s wrong?”

 

Spock stared at Jim’s lips for a moment, and then answered honestly. “My father and I disagreed about your presence here, and my treatment of you as a guest.”

 

“He said I was unexpected but welcome,” Jim said, confused. “And what about your treatment of me? What is he saying you did or didn’t do?”

 

“He says it is my responsibility to care for you and protect you, and I failed to do so when we went to the city.” Spock whispered, still staring at Jim’s lips.

 

“He’s blaming you for my sunburn.” Jim rolled his eyes and licked his lips. “If he blames you for this, who would he blame for all the times I’ve ended up in Sickbay?”

 

Spock stiffened at this and started to pull away.

 

“Nope, I gotcha,” Jim grunted, pulling him back down. “Do I have to make a rule about not running too?” Spock relaxed again and Jim began to idly draw patterns on his side. “Okay, so you let me get sunburned. His words, not mine. What else has got your hackles up?”

 

Spock pursed his lips and scrutinized Jim’s eyelashes. “Hackles, sir?” Jim swatted him playfully. “My father brought up Nyota,” Spock murmured. “I had to inform him we were no longer romantically involved, and I believe he was disappointed.”

  
Jim blew out a short breath. “So your dad has opinions on your love life. My mom’s the same way. Doesn’t mean they pick who we date. What do you think his reaction will be when he finds out about _us_?”

 

Spock gave a small smile. “I am hoping to be several parsecs away when that inevitability becomes a fact.” Jim chuckled and then grew quiet.

 

“Spock?”

 

“Jim?”

 

“Uh, are we, um, uh, serious?” Jim stuttered.

 

“That is up to you, Jim. I would not force something on you that you did not want.” Spock’s dark brown eyes narrowed. “What is it you wish?”

 

“Wish,” Jim repeated. “I wish my mom would have told me what to do when I fell in love.” He pulled himself up on an elbow. “To be honest, Spock, I haven’t got the first clue what to do here.”

 

Spock copied his movements and brushed Jim’s bangs back into place with his other hand. “Neither do I, _ashayam_.”

 

“But what about--”

 

“Nyota?” Spock supplied. “She and I were very close. However, there was an emotional connection we never shared. It was this missing ‘spark’ that finally drove her to end our relationship. I cannot say I am disappointed.” Jim leaned in and placed a quick kiss on his lips. “What about you? Have you ever ‘fallen’ for someone?” Spock asked.

 

“Once, I thought I did at least,” answered the blond. “We were quite serious, and then one day she just up and left. I never found out why,” he ended sadly. “That was the last time I let myself feel anything deeper than lust.”

 

“Oh, Jim,” came the soft reply. “You are far too young to have given up on meeting someone.”

 

“Maybe I just hadn’t met the right person, because what I feel for you so eclipses what I felt for her that it isn’t even in the same galaxy. I finally understand what my mom meant when she would talk about my dad being her best friend in the world. She told me he understood her in a way no one else could. And she wanted me to find that someday. I think I have.” Jim lay back down and closed his eyes.

 

“There’s a line in an old cartoon movie that kinda fits this occasion,” Jim muttered.

 

“And that is?”

 

Jim cleared his throat and in a bad Hispanic accent proclaimed “ _If this is torture, chain me to the wall!”_ He curled up giggling in amusement and Spock rolled his eyes.

 

“Remind me to not let you pick the movies we watch together,” Spock quipped.

 

“Fine. No ‘Oliver and Company’ for you. What movies _do_ you watch, anyway?” Jim opened his eyes and studied his partner’s face. Spock’s eyes seemed to grow darker as he reached back in his memories.

 

“My mother watched a film called ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ every Christmas. When I left for Starfleet Academy, she gave me a vid card with a copy of it and made me promise to keep the tradition going.” His face seemed to fall. “I will not be able to watch it this year.”

 

“Why not?” Jim questioned.

 

“My father will not watch it with me. Nyota is not here. And I could not ask that of you. Not yet.” Spock began to close off and Jim surged forward as if to physically stop the process.

 

“I want to watch it with you.” Jim kissed Spock’s forehead gently. “I’ve only seen it once, as a kid. I’d love to see it again now that I’m older.” He took Spock’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Especially with you. Do you have it with you?” Spock nodded his head back to the sitting room.

 

“I brought it on impulse. Are you certain _ashayam_?”

 

“Hells to the yeah I’m certain. So I have a question for you now. What does ‘ashelam’ mean?” Jim snuggled closer.

 

“ _Ashayam,_ ” Spock corrected gently. “It means beloved.”

 

Jim blushed, turning his sunburned face an even warmer shade of rose. “Beloved. That’s beautiful. But I don’t have anything to call you; not that’s appropriate, anyway.” Jim’s face was unhappy.

 

Spock squeezed Jim’s hand absentmindedly. “I know what I would _like_ you to call me.”

 

“What?”

 

“ _T’hy’la.”_ Spock spoke the word reverently.

 

Jim blinked back surprise. “You’re certain? You think that’s us too?”

 

“I have no doubt,” Spock whispered.

 

“Tahhila.”

 

“ _T – hy – la.”_ Spock repeated patiently.

 

“ _T’hy’la.”_ Jim echoed, and then grinned. “Hey, I got it! Does this mean I can’t call you pet names like snookums and pookie?”

 

“Not if you want to live,” Spock murmured. He leaned in for one more kiss and the comm. unit went off in the other room. Spock leaned his head back in mock frustration. “That may be my father. I need to answer it.”

 

“Don’t be long,” Jim purred. Spock got up and walked out of the room. Jim lay on the bed, feeling oddly vulnerable without Spock pressed against him. He began to fantasize about being on the ship and sneaking back and forth between his quarters and Spock’s through their convenient bathroom connection. No one would ever know. They wouldn’t have to tell a soul. It could be their very special secret, something just the two of them (okay, and Solion) knew of. He got excited and waited anxiously to tell his plan to Spock. Not two minutes later Spock returned, looking slightly frightened. He was definitely pale.


	10. Locking Horns

“What is it? Who was on the comm.?”

 

“That was my father. He is on his way here now and requests that you and I be waiting in the main room when he arrives. He did not seem pleased,” Spock finished in a low tone.

 

“Well, whatever got his panties in a twist, we’ll handle it together. God knows I’ve had it out with my mom in front of guests plenty of times, I guess this is just cosmic payback.” Jim smiled sweetly at his significant other; however it did not change the faint look of horror on Spock’s face.

 

“I suggest you get dressed. I will be waiting in the next room.” With that proclamation he grabbed his shoes and exited the room. Jim narrowed his eyes at the door. Something fishy was going on, and he was going to get to the bottom of it. If this crap kept up, maybe they _both_ should go stay with Solion. He tugged on his jeans and carefully slipped his shirt back on. Smoothing out the wrinkles, he sat and laced his shoes on and walked out of the bedroom.

 

“So, uh, when’s dinner around here?” Jim began in jest. Spock looked up at him and then turned away again to finish lacing his shoes. “Ooookay. Tough crowd. Spock, I gotta tell you, whatever the hell’s going on you’re kind of scaring me. What did your father _say?_ ”

 

Spock closed his eyes briefly. “His exact words were not the issue. The tone is what is bothering me. He is … well, he is furious. Do not worry yourself, _ashayam_. I believe this is going to be directed at me.”

 

“Then why did he call me on the carpet as well?” Jim began to pace in front of the hallway. Spock watched him for a moment and remembered all the times he had seen this movement on the bridge of the _Enterprise_. Usually it signaled that James T. Kirk was gearing up for a fight. “No,” Jim continued. “It’s definitely both of us. Where did he go?”

 

“He had a meeting at the embassy,” Spock answered. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, both Spock and Jim froze.

 

“He didn’t,” Jim growled.

 

“He would have,” Spock admitted. They were on the same wavelength, just as they usually were in battle.

 

“That conniving little son of a bitch.” Jim dropped into the other chair and covered his face. “Shit shit shit. Fuck. Dammit. Crap.” When he had run out of curses he fell silent. “I was hoping he didn’t see.”

 

“Even if S’Taren missed the hand-holding, he probably eavesdropped on the conversation. He is calculating enough to find ways around the precepts.” Spock gave a small sigh. “This is my fault, Jim. You tried to warn me, but I was too proud to admit my species would stoop to gossip and slander. I will take full responsibility when my father arrives.”

 

“The hell you will!” Jim exclaimed. “It takes two to tango. You’re not going down for this on your own. We’re a team, in every way; we stick together.”

 

Spock stood abruptly, walked over to Jim, and drew him into an embrace. “I apologize, _t’hy’la._ I will not try to shut you out again.” Jim returned the hug and patted Spock on the back. The sound of an aircar barely reached their ears and they withdrew.

 

“Ready, _ashayam_?” Spock whispered.

 

“I’m with you,” Jim muttered back, standing.

 

The door to the domicile opened fiercely and was shut with due haste. Sarek stalked in to the sitting room and stopped short. Facing him were not two frightened lovers but the Captain and First Officer of the starship _Enterprise._ They were standing at parade rest, and when he paused they came to attention. He eyed them suspiciously.

 

“You know why I am here,” Sarek began menacingly.

 

“Yes, sir.” Both answered in unison.

 

Sarek’s anger began to grow, rather than dissipate. Were they not taking this seriously? He walked up in front of them and looked back and forth at them. “Do you know what I was informed of this evening, in front of my entire staff and three foreign ambassadors?” His eyes were dilated and his breath came in long, measured intervals. “Do you know what was said to me?”

 

The boys remained silent, still at attention. Sarek made a fist that trembled with the tension of holding back his wrath.

 

“ _Your son and his mate were in S’len’s, Ambassador. They seemed quite cozy, holding hands and speaking affectionately. What a wonderful pair they make. It seems mating with a human is a family trait.”_ Sarek’s voice mocked the calm delivery S’Taren had given.

 

At the mention of his family, Spock breathed in sharply. “He mentioned my mother?” he growled, breaking attention.

 

“Easy. Stand down, Commander,” Jim spoke carefully. Spock seemed to remember his place and returned to the rigid stance.

 

“That is how it is? You let your plaything control your behavior? Is that what it has come to, Spock?” Sarek hissed. Neither moved from his position. “You would bring such shame on your family Spock? Consorting with a human male in public. Did you think no one would notice?” Sarek waited a full minute in silence before he ground out, “ _Answer_ me!”

 

Jim cut his eyes to the enraged man. “I will answer for both of us, Ambassador. We are not ashamed of our relationship, nor were we flaunting it. Perhaps before you fly off the handle, you should consider which side you will align yourself with. A co-worker or your own flesh and blood?”

 

“How dare you…” Sarek whispered.

 

“How dare _you_ ,” Jim replied coolly. “Did you think we are so besotted that we would not behave responsibly in public? To hell with your reputation, Ambassador, we have our own to consider. I did not do a single thing I would not have wanted broadcast to the Admiralty.” Having said this, Jim stepped in a bit closer and lowered his voice dramatically. “And your little friend S’Taren? He engendered all the peace and good will of a Denebian slime devil. If you’re worried about people setting the wrong example, perhaps you should start with your own office, _sir._ ”

 

“Captain, you are no longer welcome in my home. Please remove yourself.” Sarek seethed.

 

“Father, I regret to inform you that if you eject my _t’hy’la_ I will be joining him.” Spock’s voice was steady and strong. Jim smiled wickedly at Sarek.

 

“ _T’hy’la?”_ A faint look of surprise crossed Sarek’s severe features. “Are you certain of this?”

 

“I would not have made the proclamation were I not,” Spock answered. The three men stared each other down for another silent minute. Finally, Jim raised his hands in surrender and backed away from Sarek.

 

“Okay, let’s all take a breath here. We’re getting out of hand. Maybe we should start this over. Is that alright with you two?” he asked Spock and Sarek.

 

Sarek blinked. “Very well.”

 

Spock nodded. “Agreed, Captain.”

 

Jim motioned to the two chairs. “Cop a squat.” Spock, adjusted by now to his captain’s odd speech patterns, nodded. Sarek frowned slightly, but didn’t say anything. Jim folded his legs gracefully underneath himself and settled on the floor. Sarek and Spock glanced at each other and sat down too.

 

“Okay, so here’s where I understand things to be. Let’s start with grievances first. Sarek, you went to work and were confronted by a coworker with embarrassing and quite frankly personal news. This was done in hearing range of several other people. How did you react to this?” Jim had slipped into diplomatic mode.

 

Sarek blinked. “I pretended the information was nothing new and that it did not affect me.”

 

“But it was new and did affect you,” Jim pointed out.

 

“Yes. I would have preferred to receive news of my son’s personal life from my son himself.” The rebuke did not go unnoticed.

 

“Okay, okay, claws in everyone. What did you want Spock or myself to do to repair the situation? What did you want of us when you returned home?”

 

Sarek looked taken aback at the question. “I wanted an explanation.”

 

“Okay, we’ll start there. Spock, will you take over?” Jim fielded the question to his First.

 

“Certainly, Captain. Father, the explanation is as follows. I took Jim to the city so we could speak freely, away from you. We were both uncertain at that time as to our relationship. I requested a private booth and when seated spoke to Jim in a hushed tone. Nothing was done to draw attention.”

 

“But you were seen holding hands,” Sarek objected.

 

“That may be true. However, it was done beneath the table, out of view. We were not planning on making a scene. Instead, we were confronted by S’Taren, who antagonized the captain until he got a response. Even in his anger, Jim was restrained and forcibly polite. We exited the restaurant and returned home.” Spock ended his account and looked at his superior officer, awaiting further instructions.

 

“And between then and now you have decided you are _t’hy’la_?” Sarek posed incredulously.

 

“There are mitigating factors in our decision. I would no more explain them to you than I would expect an explanation from you about you and Mother’s bond,” Spock replied.

 

“I answered that once,” Sarek pointed out.

 

Spock gave a small shrug. “My answer is the same. I love him.”

 

“So from where I sit it seems that you, Ambassador, were publicly embarrassed at your workplace by an individual who may have had an ulterior motive. Does this summarize your situation correctly?” Jim wrapped up. Sarek nodded mutely. “You have received an explanation of the incident from both sides now. Is there anything further we can do to ease your situation?” Jim locked eyes with Sarek.

 

“There is one thing,” Sarek remarked. Jim waved a hand in acceptance. “Could I at least be among the first to know of your bonding?” he asked meekly.

 

Jim smiled and nodded. “I think that can be arranged.” He turned to the other Vulcan. “Spock, do you have grievances against Ambassador Sarek?”

 

Spock was taken aback and forced to think for a moment. “Will you force me to leave Jim?” he asked finally. Jim frowned slightly and looked over at Sarek.

 

Sarek mulled over his answer for longer than strictly necessary. At last, his eyes softened and he looked at his son. “No, child. I will not force you to leave your mate.”

 

A look of aggravation flashed through Spock’s features. “Father, I am no longer a child.”

 

Sarek shook his head sadly. “You will always be my child, even as an adult. Perhaps one day you will understand.”

 

Jim digested this tidbit in silence, then slapped his hands down on his thighs. “Okay, are we good to go?” He looked between the other two.

 

“Yes Captain,” Spock spoke quickly.

 

“Indeed, Captain,” Sarek echoed.

 

Jim got up off the floor and grinned at Sarek. “You can still call me James if you want. I promise I won’t call you Dad. Yet.” With that parting shot he headed back into the bedroom. When he emerged it was with two familiar parcels. “Okay, diplomacy makes me hungry. Who wants to eat?”


	11. Close Of Day/Rebooting Vacation

After the late dinner Sarek retired to meditate. Spock and Jim walked out into the desert to watch the sun set. Glancing around to make sure they were alone, Jim slipped his hand into Spock’s. They stood silently, each contemplating what the day had brought and what was left to come. Finally, Jim looked up into the dusky sky and sighed.

 

“Spock?”

 

“Yes Jim?”

 

“I’m sorry this all happened. I would have wanted to tell your father myself. I was planning on going to Solion’s tomorrow and asking him about that lesson on informing a potential bondmate’s family of your intentions. I was going to do the right thing by you,” Jim rephrased.

 

“Do not trouble yourself, _t’hy’la_. While I would not want to repeat the delivery method, the news would still be the same.” Spock let go of Jim’s hand and knelt in the sand, drawing patterns with his finger. Jim watched him in the failing light.

 

“That’s the IDIC,” Jim remarked casually. Spock nodded. “I get that. But why did you draw the ankh?”

 

Spock went over the design again carefully. “My mother wore an ankh necklace that was given to her by my father when they were courting.” He traced it one more time and then rubbed it away.

 

“I thought Vulcans didn’t do casual,” Jim remarked.

 

“You have to ‘go with the flow’, or so I’ve been told,” Spock answered cryptically.

 

“Your mom?” Jim guessed. Spock nodded, and Jim put his hand on top of Spock’s head. “I’m so sorry, babe. I know how much you miss her.” Spock felt the compassion and love through their contact and closed his eyes. They stood out there in the rapidly cooling air until the first stars emerged.

 

“Come, _t’hy’la._ We should retire.” Spock stood up and turned back to the building in the distance. Jim followed along contentedly. Above, a single shooting star lit up the sky.

 

It was their first night as an unofficial couple.

 

* * *

 

The next day dawned the same as the last – bright and hot. Jim blinked open his eyes and stretched. He could hear noises in the main room and figured Spock was already up. Easing his way into a clean shirt and his jeans, he got ready to face the others. He made his bed out of habit and packed away his dirty shirt. Finally, he could postpone it no more. He walked out boldly.

 

Spock had moved the chairs to the wall and was going through his Tai Chi warm-up. Jim watched appreciatively, noting the way Spock’s muscles tightened and released with each movement. Spock’s eyes were closed in concentration and just a hint of ecstasy. Jim knew that exercise was second only to meditation for helping Spock sort through his thoughts; Spock had confided that to him during a late-night chess session. From that day forward, Jim had taken extra care to make sure Spock had his time in the ship’s gym, even going so far as to surreptitiously cancel a chess match or two on particularly trying days.

 

Spock came to the final position and held it, breathing slowly. He then smoothly eased into a downward dog position. Going through several yoga exercises, he continued his deliberate routine. Finally, he settled into a meditative pose and went still, barely even breathing. Jim watched for a moment more and then slipped out the front door.

 

Yesterday seemed like a dream to Jim. Whether it was a good one or a nightmare, he wasn’t sure yet. Spock’s admittance of his attraction to Jim had been surreal. What followed afterward was beyond imagining. If he tried hard enough, Jim could still feel the cool, dry hand holding his. He could hear his frustration at S’Taren’s mocking attitude. And then, there was something amazing about kissing Spock. His lips were like velvet. How could just a peck on the lips make Jim’s toes tingle? Jim shivered when he remembered facing down an enraged Sarek, and how when forced to choose between his father and his new partner, Spock had chosen Jim without blinking. It had all happened so fast.

 

There was only one problem with loving Spock -- that was the thought of losing him. Whether Spock walked away or – _please no_ – was killed in the line of duty, being torn away from this magnetic personality would probably devastate Jim. He remembered the sadness his mother went through every birthday, whether it was his or his father’s. Even though she remarried, she never got over her first true love. Did Jim really want to expose himself to that possible agony?

 

Then he turned the tables on himself. Spock was operating without a net himself in this situation. There were no guarantees that Jim would remain faithful to him. He had taken it on Jim’s word that the sordid past people spoke of was just that, talk. And Jim just as easily could be killed in action. But still, Spock trusted him enough to want to bond with him and be tied to him forever.

 

It seemed from the first time they worked together, Jim and Spock had communicated on another level. There were times Jim could turn and look at Spock on the bridge and, without saying a word, Spock would know what Jim needed. Conversely, Jim seemed highly attuned to the emotions and needs his XO supposedly _didn’t_ have, and knew when to step in and when to stay away. They complemented each other in almost every way. Admiral Pike had admitted once to Jim that Starfleet Command was highly impressed with them as a team.

 

Would that perfect give-and-take bleed over into their personal lives? Jim could only hope. He knew he had made his share of mistakes in his reputed love life. His mind turned to Carol. When he met her, he thought he had found an angel on Earth. Even a full two years later, he had no clue why she had disappeared, or why she didn’t even say goodbye. He wished he knew what he had done wrong, so he wouldn’t do it again.

 

He was so wrapped up in these thoughts he didn’t hear the footsteps behind him until a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder.

 

“Are you well?” Spock spoke softly.

 

“Yeah. Just thinking.” Jim sighed and turned around. “So, what’s on our agenda for today? Is there any possible way we can screw this vacation up any more?” His half-hearted attempt at a joke fell very short. Spock lowered his eyes.

 

“I had thought you wanted to visit with Ambassador Solion, to get the lesson you desired.” Spock looked back up cautiously.

 

“I thought I had tanked that one with yesterday’s charade,” Jim muttered.

 

“Today is a new day. Today is the day you try again.” Spock seemed to be quoting someone but Jim couldn’t place it. “ _Ashayam,_ I personally do not care whether you petition my father to become my bondmate properly. I will marry you under Federation law and be content with that. So long as we are together, that is all that matters.”

 

“No. I want to do this.” Jim smiled a little brighter. “I didn’t peg you for a romantic, Spock. What other goodies are you hiding from me?”

 

“You will soon see. Have you eaten yet?” Spock diverted smoothly. When Jim shook his head, Spock motioned for them to return to the house.


	12. How Do You Say 'I Love You'?

When breakfast was over, Jim helped clean the dishes and put them away. Rubbing his hands against his jeans, he walked up to Spock quietly.

  
“How long will it take to get to Solion’s?” he asked casually.

 

“No. We are not repeating that debacle. I have spoken with the Ambassador and he will arrive by aircar within the hour.” Spock scanned Jim’s body. “You should apply sun protection regardless.”

 

Jim huffed out his amusement. “I’m going to get sunburned inside? In your house? Spock, you’re overreacting.”

 

“We should at least treat the burns. I will be the one who answers to Dr. McCoy upon our return,” Spock pointed out.

 

“I’ll handle Bones. Besides, I could use a tan,” Jim quipped.

 

“Jim…” Spock warned.

 

“Okay, no naked sunbathing in my future father-in-law’s yard,” Jim tossed out, and watched the play of emotions as Spock visualized that image. Then he realized how loud he had said that last statement and blushed intensely. Spock shook his head.

 

“Father has already left for the embassy.” Spock almost smiled at the relief on Jim’s face. “Why do I have the feeling that introducing you to the clan is going to cause quite the sensation?” he proclaimed in amusement.

 

Jim frowned for a moment. “That’s not fair. I’ll take you home to Mom and her only reaction will be to try to fatten you up. How come you get the food and I get the scrutiny?”

  
Spock smirked at his mate. “Vulcans do not over-feed their relatives.” Then his mood began to darken. “To be honest, I am not sure _how_ my clan will respond to you.”

 

“Because I’m human or because I’m male?” Jim replied calmly. Spock turned and walked back to the main room and sat down.

 

“Both are problematic,” Spock admitted. Jim pulled the other chair across from him and straddled it backwards. Spock rolled his eyes and continued his train of thought. “But mostly because you are human. I do not know what the reaction was when Father married Mother. I do know that because she was his second wife certain allowances were made.”

 

“Second wife?” Jim exclaimed. “Your dad’s divorced?”

 

Spock shook his head. “Not precisely. His first wife ascended to be a High Priestess of Gol, which required her to sever all ties to worldly connections and possessions.” He looked down momentarily. “They had a son together. My older brother.” He fell silent, and the painful conclusion went through Jim’s mind.

 

“He was on Vulcan.” It was not meant as a question, because Jim automatically knew. Spock nodded. Jim placed his hand on Spock’s knee. “I am so sorry, _t’hy’la_.”

 

Spock shook his head once. “I was so overwhelmed with losing my mother that I did not even grieve for anyone else until many months later.” His confession was so genuine that Jim felt tears well in his own eyes. Then Spock blinked rapidly and glanced outside.

 

“Ambassador Solion is here.” They stood and Spock retrieved Jim’s chair and placed it back in its usual position before answering the door. “Welcome, elder.” He ushered Solion into the house. “May I offer you refreshment?”

 

“I thank you,” Solion replied. But Jim was already in the kitchen pouring the glass. He walked out and handed it to the surprised older Vulcan. “I sense something has changed between you two,” he prodded after finishing his drink. Jim took the glass back to the kitchen to avoid answering.

 

Spock looked after Jim fondly before admitting, “We have made significant progress in our communication.”

 

“And a rather significant impact on the Vulcan Embassy as well,” Solion noted wryly.

 

The younger men glanced at each other before Jim answered in his typical Kirk fashion. “S’Taren is an ass.”

 

Solion took pity on the pair. “Your father handled it very professionally. I doubt it will come up in conversation again until your actual bonding. Speaking of which, we should begin your lesson, Jim. How well do you memorize languages?”

 

Jim shrugged. “Uh, I can get the cuss words pretty easily. Anything beyond that takes time.”

 

Spock and Solion sat in the chairs while Jim sprawled out on the floor. Solion went through an explanation of the courtesies expected in Vulcan culture. After multiple failed attempts on Jim’s part and unending patience on Solion’s, Jim finally recited the ancient narrative used for proposals.

 

Jim blew a raspberry and stuck his tongue out. “Oh God, that hurt.” He eyed the Vulcans mistrustfully. “How much more?”

 

Spock looked to Solion, who answered promptly “Only the last movement.”

 

“Movement?” Jim repeated.

 

“You are expected to kneel with your head down in front of my father to await his blessing,” Spock supplied.

  
Jim snorted. “Tell me this isn’t a sexist species. The girls have to do this crap too, right?” The other two men glanced at each other uneasily. “You’re shitting me. It’s just the guys? Doesn’t that mean Spock’s playing the role of the girl?”

 

“Not necessarily,” Solion objected. “Because the two of you share a _t’hy’la_ bond it is different. It is a spontaneous bond, and was often discovered before a boy's first Time. There was not a set ceremony involved originally. However, since there are so few _t’hy’la_ bonds in existence now, they have been forced to conform to typical bonding strictures.”

 

“He’s totally the girl,” Jim pouted. “I just wanted to hold Spock’s hand and ask Spock himself if he wanted to get married. I didn’t realize this was a family affair.”

 

“The ‘family affair’ comes afterward, in truth,” Solion muttered. “You will understand when it comes time to meet your clan.” He didn’t seem pleased.

 

Jim stood up and stretched for a moment, and then walked over and crouched in front of Solion.

 

“Did your Jim do all of this?” Jim’s question was serious and direct. Spock looked up, curious, and waited for the answer. Solion’s eyes grew unfocused and he was silent for a long moment.

 

“Jim would have done anything I asked him, if it meant we could be together.” Solion gave a small smile. “Did you know he fought me in the _kal-if-fee_ for my intended?”

 

Spock walked over and put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “You were bonded to another?”

 

“Preliminary bond, yes. When my Time came and I returned home for the _koon-ut-kal-if-fee_ , she called for the challenge. That was shameful enough. However, she then chose Jim as her champion.” Solion nodded in memory. “Jim did not realize it was a fight to the death, and accepted, thinking he could bow out and I would win.”

 

“How did he escape?” Spock asked, kneeling down beside his partner. Jim laid a gentle hand on Spock’s knee.

 

Solion shook his head. “Dr. McCoy was present, and offered to give Jim a tri-ox injection to compensate for Vulcan’s atmosphere.”

 

“This was allowed?” Spock asked incredulously.

 

“T’Pau herself authorized it. However, Dr. McCoy was sly, and instead used a neural paralyzer. Our fight resumed, and within minutes I found myself holding an apparently deceased Jim by the neck with my _ahn-woon._ ” Solion took a deep breath. “The next hour was a blur to me. All I could think was that I had killed my captain, my closest friend.” Solion’s sorrow was contagious, and the three bowed their heads.

 

“But he wasn’t dead,” Jim prompted him finally.

 

Solion’s face brightened. “Oh no. When I went to Dr. McCoy to relinquish command and turn myself over to the authorities, I was surprised by a very alive and relatively uninjured James T. Kirk.” He chuckled. “It was the first time I smiled in public, of my own free will.”

 

Jim leaned over and lay his head down on Spock’s shoulder. “I love happy endings.”

 

“What of your….” Spock trailed off uncertainly and made a gesture with his hand.

 

“By the time my symptoms reoccurred, Jim and I had already exchanged our pledges to each other. We were bonded officially as soon as our next mission was over.” Solion looked at the two younger men. “And _that_ is enough reminiscing from an old man. Thank you for indulging me.”


	13. Breaking Tradition

Jim got up slowly and began to softly recite the script again. He sounded out each word carefully, trying to recreate the enunciation he had been taught. Spock watched him pace aimlessly and then stood abruptly.

  
“No.” Spock said it loud and clear. The others turned and faced him in surprise.

 

“No?” Solion repeated, confused.

 

“What do you mean _no_? No what?” Jim was pulled out of his memorization ungracefully.

 

“I will not make Jim go through this. It is archaic and unwieldy and I, for one, doubt my parents went through anything of the sort.” Spock made a fist and shook it. “If Jim wishes to ask my father _in_ Standard, _on_ his feet, for permission to join our clan, then that is what he will do.”

 

“Babe, it’s not that big a deal,” Jim offered.

 

“It is. If this community truly embraces Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations, then it is ready to accept a human asking like a normal being to be added to the clan.” Spock had put his proverbial foot down. Jim looked to Solion and laughed.

 

“Okay. There we go. I just go up to Ambassador Sarek and say ‘May I please bond with your son?’.” Jim grinned at his mate. “We could start a whole new tradition, Spock!”

 

Solion closed his eyes in amusement. “Some things do _not_ remain constant.” Jim and Spock looked curiously at the older man, who continued by saying “You could have just as easily decided this before I gave a ‘crash course’ in Vulcan etiquette to an unwilling participant.” The words were meant to be serious but were obviously lighthearted. Solion shook his head. “It is indeed a brave new world.”

 

At the half-day mark Solion departed for his office, leaving the younger men alone in the house. The domain was silent for a long while as both considered what to do with their free time.

 

“Oh. My. God,” Jim declared suddenly. He slapped a hand to the side of his head.

 

“What?” Spock became alarmed.

 

“We’ve been trying six ways to Sunday to figure out how to ask your dad so I can marry you, and I haven’t asked the most important person!” Jim grinned and approached Spock, going down on bended knee and taking a cool hand in his.

 

“Spock,” he began, and then stopped. “You know, I’ve heard the computer give your full name and I haven’t ever figured out how to pronounce it right. That’s on my to-do list.” Then he remembered what he was doing and cleared his throat. “Spock, I love you. I want to be with you forever. I offer you everything I am and everything I ever will be. You make me a better man. Will you marry me?”

 

Spock gave an actual, genuine smile. “James Tiberius Kirk, it would be my honor.”

 

Jim stood up and kissed Spock gently. “There. _Now_ we can ask your father. So, it is…” he trailed off and checked the chronometer on Sarek’s desk “…the middle of the evening on the 24 th of December, if I’ve calculated the ship’s time correctly. Wanna watch that movie?”

 

The two settled down in front of the computer screen in the living room and inserted the vid chip. As the movie started, Jim made a note to watch Spock’s reactions. There before him he saw sadness, contemplation, identification, and finally relief – all without Spock really ever changing his expression. There was something with his eyes; maybe the eyebrows were the key.

 

While the credits rolled, Jim began to absentmindedly massage Spock’s back. Good Lord, he was a rock! Jim dug in a little harder and must have hit a tender spot because a ripple shifted through Spock’s muscles.

 

“What are you doing, _ashayam_?” Spock murmured.

 

Jim gave up and settled for wrapping an arm around his love. “I dunno. This vacation has turned my whole world upside down, and I’ve only got nine more days to enjoy it. I’ve only got nine more days to enjoy _this_ ,” he emphasized, shaking Spock gently, “before we go back to the ship and have to behave.”

 

Spock made a noise in the back of his throat. “It is not as if you will never be allowed to touch me again. You simply will not be allowed to express the full extent of your feelings in front of the crew.”

 

That brought back Jim’s earlier fantasies. “You do realize our quarters are connected,” Jim intimated.

 

Spock tilted his head. “There is a reason I have not been in your quarters more than strictly necessary,” he began. Jim raised his eyebrows and Spock considered how to put it clearly. “Jim, how do you feel right now?”

 

Jim’s eyes widened in surprise. “Uh, happy?”

 

“No, not emotionally. Physically,” Spock clarified.

 

“Oh.” Jim considered it. “Well, my sunburn is starting to itch and I’m a bit hot--”

 

“There.” Spock broke in. “You feel overheated in this climate. In contrast, the ship feels quite cool to me. That is why my quarters are kept so much warmer. It is a part of my physiology. Dr. McCoy would undoubtedly call me a ‘cold-blooded lizard’ or some such nonsense.”

 

“I could keep you warm,” Jim whispered in Spock’s ear. There was a shiver before Spock regained control. Then Jim leaned back and considered the problem. “But I’ve been in your quarters. We play chess there. I’m fine, so long as I take off my shirt.”

 

“And it would be acceptable for me to be in your quarters so long as I wore my thermal undershirt.” Spock made a steeple with his fingers and looked back at his companion. “My mother was fond of telling me that when there are two extremes, the truth can usually be found in the middle. I am sure this will hold true for our lives together, Jim. We will find a way to be together comfortably.”

  
This brought up a whole new ball of wax to Jim, and he paled a moment. When there was no sound or movement for several minutes Spock put his hand on Jim’s shoulder.

 

“Jim?”

 

“Uh. Yeah. Um, there’s something that we haven’t discussed that I really don’t know how to talk about.” Jim’s pallor had reversed to a crimson blush and he wouldn’t make eye contact with Spock. “Spock, uh, you – I mean, Solion – said you are a virgin.” It was a fight to even get that much out.

 

Spock accepted this gracefully. “You are concerned about our sexual compatibility.”

  
Jim rolled his eyes. “Yeah, if you want to put it that way. The first time … well … the first time isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and messy and--”

 

“Jim.” Spock stopped him with just his name. “If I am to understand your history correctly, you have not had intercourse with a man either.” Jim’s eyes widened and Spock shook his head. “ _Ashayam,_ we will cross that bridge when we reach it. For now I am content to kiss you and hold you in my arms.” He pressed his lips against Jim’s temple and whispered, “But only for now.”

 

“Well, there are _other_ things we can do right now if you want,” Jim suggested, and Spock feigned horror.

 

“Before we are married _t’hy’la_? How scandalous.”

 

Jim shut off the computer and removed the chip. “Well. I guess not. The last thing I need to do is deflower you in your dad’s house. That would redefine awkward.” He considered this for a moment and then altered his answer. “You know, I wasn’t exactly joking when I asked if anyone just slept with someone anymore. Have you ever actually just slept with someone?”

 

Spock tilted his head. “In that regard, perhaps I have. I once fell asleep on Nyota’s bed and she put a blanket over me. When I awoke, she had curled around me.”

 

“Then you know it’s pretty awesome in its own regard. I would love to experience that with you. Would you be up to sneaking in my room after your dad goes to bed?” he posed.

 

“I would be willing; however I do not understand the appeal for you. I have watched you sleep, and you are extremely guarded. You do not appear to be comfortable sleeping around others.” Spock folded his hands in his lap.

 

“That was in Sickbay, I’m sure. I have a phobia about doctors and hospitals. Comes from being an amateur stuntman as a child. Bones is the only doctor I’ll really let near me.” He lowered his head in shame. “I usually won’t even let Dr. M’Benga near me if I’m conscious. I do feel bad about that.”

 

“However, you allow me to remain at your bedside when you are wounded,” Spock marveled.

 

“Wild horses couldn’t drag you away. I’ve heard you have it out with Bones when he wouldn’t let you back. Was it really just about being an efficient First Officer and assessing the condition of the captain, or was there something else there?” Jim questioned.

 

Spock nodded thoughtfully. “I once argued with Nyota about remaining by your side when I should have been on the bridge. She released me with the exasperated answer ‘ _Fine, go be with your boyfriend_.’ Perhaps I was not as subtle as I had hoped.” He touched Jim’s hand carefully. “I would be greatly appreciative if you would cease visiting the Sickbay as a patient so often.”

 

“I’ll try. Well like I said, in Sickbay I’ve got my guard up. But at home? I should be questioning the appeal for _you_ to sleep with _me_. I’ll have you know; I’ve been told I snore--”

 

“You do.”

 

“—and I drool--”

 

“That is correct.”

 

“—and I hog the sheets.” Jim finished his confession and peered at his mate. “You sure you’re up for that?” Then he jerked back. “Wait. How do you know all those things?”

 

Spock ticked off the points on his fingers. “I can hear you snoring from my quarters. You are in all actuality that loud. There are times you have arrived on the bridge with a small line of dried saliva on your cheek. I was unaware of how to alert you without embarrassing you. And I will admit to ignorance about your use of the sheets. However, given your other qualities that one would not surprise me.” He finished his speech and waited for the response.

 

“Great. Do you have any secrets?” Jim replied.

 

Spock considered it thoughtfully before releasing a sigh. “I am still experiencing occasional night terrors after the destruction of Vulcan. Dr. M’Benga is treating me for them; however I have found myself on the floor in the middle of the night several times.” He went quiet and Jim took his hand and squeezed it.

 

“Well then I’ll be right there on the floor with you,” Jim whispered, and Spock looked up at him.

 

“Thank you.” Spock nodded and held his hand out for the vid chip. “My father will be home within the next half hour. Do you intend to ask him your question tonight?”

 

Jim smiled. “If it’s okay with you.” He placed the vid chip in Spock’s hand and got up to put the chairs back in their places.


	14. The Big Question (Version 1.0)

By the time they had fixed a decent evening meal, Sarek had arrived home. Everyone was appropriately polite, however it still seemed forced. Sarek complimented the boys on their culinary skills and helped clear away the dishes.

 

Jim stood uneasily in the doorway between the kitchen and the main room, looking at Sarek, who was working at his desk. Spock stood on the other side of the room. On impulse, Spock got Jim’s attention and gave him a subtle two thumbs up. Jim broke out into a huge grin and nodded. He walked up boldly to the older man.

 

“Ambassador Sarek, I’d like to speak with you, if possible.” Jim’s voice was soft but steady.

 

Sarek looked up from his padd and glanced from Jim to Spock and back. “I take it this is a private conversation, between us?” He seemed resigned. Jim looked back at his mate, who gave a tiny shrug.

 

“Uh, that’s up to you, sir.”

 

Sarek stood up and motioned to the door. “Walk with me.” Jim swallowed hard and followed behind him. He closed the door gently and continued at two paces behind Sarek. Sarek glanced back, his eyes gleaming in the evening light. “Child, you are neither my wife nor a slave. Walk _beside_ me.” Jim jumped forward to be even with him.

 

“Now,” Sarek intoned. “What is it you wish to discuss?”

 

Having gotten to this point, Jim’s mind suddenly went blank. He couldn’t remember the plan they had agreed on, or if they had even agreed on one in the first place. The desert breeze lifted his hair up and he smacked it back down.

 

Finally, in a panic, Jim blurted out “I want to marry Spock!” He screwed his eyes shut and whispered under his breath “ _fucking – A.”_

 

Sarek nodded thoughtfully and took pity on the young man. “You wish to petition to join our clan?”

 

“Yeah. I mean, yes, sir.” Jim’s heart was pounding so hard that Sarek could watch his pulse point jump in his neck. “I love your son, and I’d do anything for him. I know it seems so sudden to you but you haven’t seen us on the ship. He’s my right hand. We’re practically joined at the hip; the crew even jokes about it. No one on board would be the slightest bit surprised by this.” Jim clamped his mouth shut, realizing he had gone too far.

 

Sarek stopped and turned to face Jim. “Professional compatibility does not guarantee personal compatibility.”

 

“We’ve had that talk,” Jim admitted. “I realize there are going to be issues between us. But we can work them out; we can meet in the middle.” When he paraphrased Sarek’s late wife, Sarek closed his eyes.

 

“I remember approaching Mr. Grayson to ask for Amanda’s hand in marriage,” Sarek began quietly. He opened his eyes and glanced at Jim. “It was extremely difficult for me. I was a stranger to him, and an alien at that. It is one thing to be diverse in friendship; it is an entirely different matter to intermarry.”

 

Jim looked down. “So it was kinda like me asking you now?”

 

Sarek sighed and tried a different tactic. “Child, you will be a part of a same-sex, inter-species marriage. Do you understand the difficulties you are inviting?”

 

“But I love him,” Jim whispered. His plea was heartfelt.

 

The two stood facing each other with no sound but the wind whistling around them. Finally Sarek put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “You will have opponents in this matter. But I will not be among them. If this is truly your wish, then I will be honored to sponsor you in our clan.”

 

Jim locked eyes with Sarek and sighed in relief. “Thank you, sir.” Having that load off his mind, Jim felt kind of wobbly.

 

“Let us go tell your _t’hy’la_. We have a ceremony to plan.” Sarek walked off purposefully and Jim fell into step behind him. “What did we decide about you walking behind me?” Sarek’s exasperated voice called out. Jim leapt forward again.

 

They walked back in to find a very nervous Spock waiting in the sitting room. He stood abruptly when they entered and looked Jim over.

 

“ _T’hy’la_?” Spock asked. Jim gave him two thumbs up and Spock’s eyes lit up.

 

“I think we’re gonna have a wedding ‘round here!” Jim exclaimed, and ran to hug his mate. Remembering suddenly his future father-in-law’s presence, he released Spock and cleared his throat. “Sorry, sir,” he apologized.

 

Sarek made a motion with his hand. “The cause was sufficient.” He looked at the chronometer and nodded. “I will withdraw for the evening.” He gave Spock a piercing look. “Live long and prosper, _sons_.” The last word was strangely emphasized.

 

Jim shot a look back to Spock. “What was that all about?” he questioned. Spock’s mouth was open slightly and he was still staring at where his father had stood. “Spock?” Jim tried again.

 

Spock blinked and motioned for Jim to come closer. When they were face-to-face Spock leaned in and whispered to Jim. “If I understood the context correctly, I believe my father just intimated we were allowed to consummate our bond if we so desired.”

 

Jim clapped a hand over his mouth to hold back the laughter. Finally he gasped, “Oh, this is gonna kill me. I can’t take it!” He bent over in silent mirth.

 

Spock sniffed. “I do not find the situation humorous,” he stated flatly. However, his eyes told a different story. Jim straightened and threw his arms around him.

 

When Jim released Spock, he took a deep breath and sized up the situation. “So, we have a choice of both of us on the floor, or both of us trying to sleep in that bed.” They looked at each other.

  
“Floor,” they both called. Spock nodded and Jim smiled. Jim went into the bedroom to get a pair of shorts and his sleep shirt. On impulse, he zipped his bag shut and lugged it out with him.

 

Spock raised an eyebrow but didn’t object. He had changed into a light shirt and soft pants. He nodded to the bathroom and whispered, “You first.” Jim nodded and went to take a shower and get ready for bed. They traded positions and Jim picked out his spot on the floor, propping his head up on the closed bag. When Spock returned, Jim was ready to cut the lights but noticed that Spock didn’t lie down. Instead, he sat with his legs tucked under him. He looked back to his partner.

 

“I will need to meditate before sleeping. Will this bother you?” Spock seemed self-conscious. Jim lifted his head.

 

“Why would it bother me?”

 

“You left this morning,” Spock pointed out.

 

Jim shook his head. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

 

“You would not have been a bother,” Spock responded.

 

“Your call,” Jim decided. “I’m going to sleep.”

 

Spock nodded and positioned himself. Breathing deep, he tuned out the rest of the world. Jim lay with his eyes closed, trying to will himself to sleep. He listened to Spock’s breathing grow slower and slower, until finally it was spaced so far apart that Jim had to fight not to reach out and grab him. Jim peeked through his eyelashes and studied the form before him. Spock didn’t move except to breathe. After five minutes, his eyes began to track back and forth, as if he were in REM sleep. Jim watched, fascinated.

 

But then something started to go wrong. Spock’s breathing began to grow shallow and fast. His eyes were still moving. He began to grind his teeth, and Jim couldn’t stay still any longer. He sat up and slipped one hand under Spock’s.

 

“Baby?” Jim whispered. His thumb stroked the back of Spock’s hand. “Spock, are you okay?” he called softly. The teeth grinding became clinching, and Jim squeezed Spock’s hand tightly. “Okay, Commander, I need you to come out of this trance _right now._ ” Jim used his Captain’s voice. It had worked in Sickbay before. However, this time there was no response. Now Spock’s eyes were closed tightly as well. There was evidence of tears building behind his eyelids.

 

Jim waited two more terrifying minutes before getting up and walking quickly down the hall. He went to the door on the right and knocked.

  
“Um, sir, are you up?” he spoke softly.

 

Within a minute Sarek answered the door. “What is it?” he asked the anxious man.

 

“It’s Spock,” Jim began. “I don’t know if this is normal or not; I’ve never seen him meditate before.” Jim pointed back to the sitting room and Sarek grabbed a robe and pulled it on. They walked out and in front of where the prostrate Vulcan was.

 

Sarek took in his son’s condition and motioned for Jim to come back with him to his room. When they got there, Sarek shut the door behind them. Jim looked back in confusion.

 

“There is not enough time for me to fully explain what is happening to my son. For now, I will tell you he is in a state not unlike a healing trance. For him to return to consciousness, you will have to strike him.” Sarek was matter-of-fact.

 

Jim paled. “I have to hit him?” His eyes grew wide. “I’ve seen him in a healing trance before and he’s never had to be hit to come out of it!”

 

Sarek’s eyes narrowed. “You are certain of this?”

 

“Hell yes! I don’t even think anyone on the ship would have the balls to do it!” Jim was indignant.

 

“Then how does he exit the trance?” Sarek demanded.

 

“He just does! Sometimes if I tell him to he’ll do it,” admitted the young man.

 

“Show me,” Sarek gestured to the other room. They walked out and Jim knelt beside Spock, taking one hand in his.

 

“Spock?” he whispered. “It’s Jim. I need you back, Spock. I need you to come back to me. Please Spock. Come back. You’re safe now.” Spock’s breathing changed, and Jim glanced at Sarek before continuing. “It’s over, Spock. You’re alright now. You’re going to be just fine. You need to wake up now. Wake up, Commander!” Jim insisted.

 

Spock took a deep, shaking breath before releasing it slowly. His eyes stopped moving and finally peeked open. His eyelashes were still wet from the tears.

 

“Jim?” Spock whispered. Jim went limp with relief. “What happened?” Spock stared back and forth between his father and his mate. Both were looking at him rather uncertainly.

 

“Holy shit I need a drink,” Jim uttered. Spock looked alarmed and grabbed Jim’s wrist as he began to rise.

 

“Explain.” That was Spock’s Commander voice, and just as it struck fear in the heart of wayward ensigns, it stopped one frustrated mate.

 

Sarek sat in a chair and regarded the two young men. “James, I believe I still owe you that explanation.” He watched his son very carefully. “When a Vulcan is born, he is already bonded to his family. Most significantly his mother, for obvious reasons. However, he is also bonded to his father, any siblings, and to a certain extent the grandparents on both sides.” Jim realized he was learning something that most outworlders would never hear.

 

“Other bonds come later,” Sarek continued. “There are friendship bonds, and most important of all is his mating bond. These bonds make Vulcans stronger, and are a deep part of our psyche.” Sarek paused, and then began again. “When a bond is broken, usually through death, it physically and emotionally injures the Vulcan.”

 

Sarek closed his eyes as he finished. “Spock lost his mother, his brother, his grandparents, and the majority of his acquaintances in a single moment. Can you understand that this has had a profound effect on my son, James? What you are seeing is psychological trauma in his trances.”

 

Jim was trembling in sympathy. “I knew Spock had to be cleared for duty, but I didn’t understand why. I don’t even understand how you’ve held it together from day to day,” he told his mate. “Is there anything we can do?” he pleaded to Sarek.

 

“This will sound as if I am flattering you; however I assure you I am not. Your connection to my son as his _t’hy’la_ is probably the single most stabilizing element in his life. Your affection has already begun to heal some of the damage, and is giving him the necessary strength to work through the rest.” Sarek nodded to himself.

 

“This has been happening the whole time?” Jim asked in horror. Spock nodded weakly. “Jesus, why didn’t you _tell_ someone? You could have come to me or Bones or hell, even Uhura! We would have done something!” he declared hotly.

 

“This is a private matter,” Spock finally joined in the conversation. “In the first place, meditation cycles are very personal. We do not share them with anyone.”

 

“Then why did you let me stay?” Jim posed.

 

“You are his mate. You are the _only_ one allowed in such a private moment,” Sarek explained. “Amanda was overwhelmed at first by my meditation cycles; however she grew accustomed to them. You will eventually become adjusted to Spock’s patterns.”

 

“In the second place,” Spock continued, nonplussed, “I would have lost my commission if it came to light how badly the destruction of Vulcan had affected me. You know that, Jim.”

 

Jim blushed. “I didn’t think that far,” he admitted. “So now that I’ve had a couple of years shaved off my life expectancy, I’m so sorry but can we go to bed? I really need to decompress. It’s been a rough day,” he sighed.

 

“I am sorry, _t’hy’la._ Of course. Do you wish to sleep in your room tonight?” Spock offered.

 

“No, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. Just, let me get some sleep, ‘kay babe?” Jim responded.

 

Sarek stood. “If you feel safe now, I will retire. Good night.”

 

Jim scrunched down on the floor and laid his head on his bag again. “You gonna shut off the light Spock?” he asked drowsily. Spock turned off the lamp and lay down beside Jim. Jim reached out and found Spock’s hand. “I love you,” he whispered.

 

“And I you, _ashayam_. Good night.” They fell asleep with their hands clutching each other.

 

It was the first night they slept in the same area together.


	15. Dawn Breaks (Breaks What?)

Jim woke up slowly, and knew without moving that he had a crick in his neck. He also knew his hand was being held. He smiled and opened his eyes.

 

Spock was in a modified meditation pose, with one hand holding Jim’s. He seemed slightly more peaceful than last night. Sensing the shift in consciousness in his mate, Spock drew himself out of the trance. Blinking open his eyes, he nodded to Jim.

 

“Good morning.”

 

“Wow,” Jim uttered, smiling broadly. “Let’s do this for the rest of our lives.”

 

“Sleep on the floor?” Spock asked, tilting his head.

 

Jim whacked his mate on the arm. “Could you not be so freaking adorable this early in the morning?”

 

Spock let go of Jim’s hand and stood up. “My father left for work earlier this morning; he had a rather important conference call. However, he will be back by mid-day and then we are borrowing his transportation.” He stretched his arms above his head. “And before you ask, I will not be revealing our destination.”

 

Jim pouted. “Not fair.”

 

Spock walked away teasingly. “When we visit your mother you may do as you wish with me.” He went into the kitchen and poured a drink. Walking back, he sipped at it appreciatively. “I want you to try this,” he told Jim.

 

Jim eyed the glass suspiciously. “Uh. You eat orange stuff that smells like rotten gym socks, and you want me to try your drink with no questions asked?” He immediately regretted his words.

 

Spock blinked in surprise. “Plomeek soup is a delicacy. I have not said anything offensive about the meat products you consume. Would you like to hear how your foods are _prepared_?” he asked icily.

 

The two men faced off for a moment, and then Jim extended his hand. “Gimme the damn glass.” He took a sip and swallowed, but not before making a small face. He tried to keep his expression neutral. “Yeah. What is it?”

 

Spock retrieved the glass. “It is the juice from the _t’lalka_ plant; somewhat like your aloe. It is considered bitter by some,” he admitted.

 

Jim nodded. “It’s got a bite on it. But that’s okay. Hey, dude, listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be an ass about your food.” Spock took the glass to the kitchen quietly. Jim awaited a response and when none was forthcoming he became alarmed. “You’re absolutely right. I don’t deserve forgiveness. I was unforgivably rude,” he called.

 

“I am not angry with you, _ashayam_. I am concerned.”

 

“Concerned about what?” Jim asked. He walked into the kitchen to find Spock leaning against the counter. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

Spock glanced over his shoulder. “Does it not bother you that we are so different?”

 

Jim groaned. “First your father, now you. Look, if I spend the rest of my life learning all the nuances about you, it will be the greatest life I could have hoped for. I know you’re a vegetarian, I know you’re a pacifist, and I know you’re a brainiac from a long line of brainiacs. Anything else is just icing on the cake.”

  
Jim came up and wrapped his arms around Spock’s waist. “We’re different. But so is every other being in the known galaxy. You’re not going to find a mate who is exactly like you, not even on New Vulcan.” He kissed the back of Spock’s neck. “Have you forgotten how well these two totally different beings work together? The best damn command team in Starfleet? We’re doing fine. Don’t screw it up by overthinking it.”

 

Spock sighed. “I am sorry, _ashayam_. Perhaps it is what you humans refer to as ‘cold feet’.”

 

Jim nodded. “What can I do to help?”

 

Spock turned around and leaned his forehead against Jim’s. “Did you know that by my culture’s reckoning I am not an adult yet?”

 

“Uh really? ‘Cause you’re older than I am.” Jim wrinkled his nose. “What passes for an adult in Vulcan circles?”

 

“When I enter my first Time I will be recognized as an adult. And I do not know when that will be.” Spock let go reluctantly and walked into the sitting room and sat down hard in a chair.

 

“Spock, it’s not that big of a deal. To humans, you’re an adult at 18. I was already fending for myself by the age of 11. Who’s to say when you reach maturity?” Jim followed Spock in and sat on the floor beside him. “I think the fact that you taught four years at Starfleet Academy and made a name for yourself before you ever joined a ship shows that you’re pretty damn mature.”

 

“To you.” Spock sounded forlorn.

 

Jim sighed. “Okay, you’re being totally unnecessarily moody. What is your problem, seriously?”

 

To Jim’s surprise, a low and menacing growl came back. “I _do not KNOW!_ ” Spock snapped.

 

Jim scooted away. “Ooookay. Back it down. Are you sick?”

 

Spock froze at the question. “No. I am in optimal health.”

 

“How’s your meditation going?” was Jim’s next query.

 

“It could be better, but it is adequate for my current needs.” Spock looked at Jim curiously. “Is my behavior that abnormal?”

 

“Sweetie, your moods have more swings than a playground. Not cool. Maybe we should have you checked out. Just in case.” Jim went to the comm. station and placed a call to Information.

 

“ _Listing?”_

 

“Um, I need a healer.” Jim glanced at Spock and shrugged.

 

“ _Is this an emergency?”_ the computer responded.

 

“No. God no. We just need the number of a local healer,” Jim replied in frustration.

 

“ _Connecting.”_ The computer screen went blank and a cursor blinked in the upper left hand corner. After ten seconds, the screen changed to the face of a young Vulcan woman.

 

“ _May I assist you?_ ” she asked politely.

 

“Hang on,” Jim answered, and then motioned for Spock to come join him. “Tell her what’s wrong,” he whispered.

 

Spock looked suspiciously at Jim, and then the woman. He then proceeded to begin a conversation with the woman in very rapid Vuhlkansu. Jim rolled his eyes. Fine, if it made him feel better, let him have his little secrets. The woman replied in kind and they continued the conversation for another minute before the woman gave a strange comment and the call disconnected.

 

“Well?” Jim prompted.

 

“I have an appointment in two hours with the healer.” Spock was very annoyed. “Are you pleased?”

 

Jim reached out for Spock. “Hey, I’m just worried, alright? If I was acting out you would make me go to Bones, or you’d call him yourself. You’ve done it before,” Jim reminded him.

 

“That was different,” Spock protested. “You had not slept in 72 hours.”

 

“Potato, potahtoe. For someone who acts like he has no emotion, the way you’ve been behaving the past…” Jim broke off. “Damn. You’ve been weird since we got here! I didn’t notice it on the ship, but it could go back even that far.” He began to pace. “Maybe I _should_ call Bones.”

 

“No. You do not need to concern Dr. McCoy in this matter. The healer here will be equipped to handle whatever may be ailing me.” Spock made a face. “However, I still do not feel anything improper with my body.”

 

“What about your mind?” Jim asked.

 

“I do not feel compromised,” Spock began. Then he blushed. “Other than my current infatuation with you.” Jim took his hand and squeezed it. “The healer will most likely have to meld with me if she suspects something amiss with my psyche. Do you wish to be present?” Spock asked.

 

“I don’t want to intrude. It’s a doctor’s appointment, you need your privacy.” Jim squirmed a bit.

 

“Jim, we may not be bonded yet but I have declared you my _t’hy’la_ , my mate. It is your right to be present when others examine my body or join with my mind.” Spock thought for a moment about how to explain the situation. “I do not know how Terran marriages are conducted; however in Vulcan society a bonded pair has no secrets. Nothing comes between them. They are considered one. You need not be concerned about my privacy because I would withhold nothing from you. My life, as you would put it, is an open book.”

 

Spock seemed to realize something, and he went and sat down. “Jim, do you remember the experience of melding with me?”

 

Jim stood in front of him. “Yeah. It was pretty intense. _Both_ times,” he reminded him, hinting at the meld with Solion on Delta Vega.

 

“You were privy to my emotions and thoughts, as I was yours. When you and I bond, our minds will be joined in a very similar fashion. We will have an awareness of each other’s emotional state and will be able to share some thoughts.” Spock looked up at his mate, who seemed to be looking off in the distance. “Will this bother you?”

 

“Fine time to ask now,” Jim muttered, and Spock became alarmed. “No,” Jim continued, “I’m sorry. I was joking. I don’t know how I’ll react to that. It sounds kind of nice, but then again you and I have been on the same wavelength since we met.” He nudged Spock’s foot with his. “I have a hard time believing it’ll get any better, but I’m certainly up to the challenge.”

 

“Thank you, _ashayam_.” Spock paused. “I believe my father is back.”

 

Sarek walked in a few minutes later. Placing his messenger bag on the table, he nodded to the other two. “Sons, are you well?”

 

“Yes Father,” Spock answered, before Jim could open his mouth. Jim narrowed his eyes at his partner. “We have an appointment in the city, and then one other destination to visit. We should be home before evening meal.” Spock glared back at his mate in silent reply.

 

“That is acceptable. Please keep your communicators with you. If you enter the farther regions of the outlying lands, be aware there are indigenous life forms. Some may be hostile.” Sarek sounded like any concerned parent.

 

“Thanks, sir,” Jim answered.

 

“At this point, I would be remiss if I did not allow you to call me Father as well,” Sarek offered, and Jim broke into a grin. “But not ‘Dad’,” he amended.

 

Jim laughed, and Spock cleared his throat. “Thank you, Father,” Spock replied for both of them. They got up and headed for the door.

 

“Live long and prosper,” Sarek told them as they left.


	16. History Lessons Given By Phys. Ed. Majors

They climbed into the aircar and Spock eased them onto the path to the city. They were silent for a while, and finally Jim couldn’t stand it any longer.

 

“This is real,” Jim gushed. “We’re really getting married. Oh my God. My mom will freak. She’ll hate missing this.” Then he went even further. “And what about our friends? Bones and Uhura and Scotty and Chekov and Sulu and--”

 

“I grasp your meaning,” Spock interrupted. “I have considered the same issue. While I am at a loss as to how we can include your mother when she is rarely on one planet for long, I believe I have a partial solution to the problem of our crew.”

 

Jim looked over, curious. “You’ve already thought of this?”

 

Spock tilted his head. “It was in my thoughts while I was attempting to meditate.”

 

“Well?” Jim prompted. “What’s your solution?”

 

“We will need to be bonded here on New Vulcan for my clan to recognize us officially,” Spock began. “However, there would be nothing preventing us from having a second ceremony for our friends and family at a later date, in a more convenient location.” He looked over at his mate. “Does this sound acceptable?”

 

“Get married twice?” Jim rephrased. “I didn’t even think of that! That’s great, Spock!”

 

Spock straightened a bit. “I am pleased you approve.”

 

They arrived in the city and eased through a couple of side streets before coming to stop in front of a building only slightly larger than Solion and Sarek’s houses. Spock parked the aircar and shut it down, but remained inside the vehicle for a moment.

 

Jim studied him. “Nervous?” he offered. Spock shrugged. “Come on. If it’ll make you feel better I’ll be right there with you the entire time. Bondmate’s prerogative.” Jim punched him lightly on the shoulder. “Just pretend it’s Bones. Or even better, M’Benga. You like him,” Jim reminded him.

 

“I appreciate his skills as a healer,” Spock rephrased firmly.

 

“Whatev. Come on, mister. Get in there,” Jim encouraged. They got out of the vehicle and walked up the path. To either side of the dirt trail there were planters full of beautiful flowers. Jim could smell their scent in the light breeze. He noticed Spock was gritting his teeth; now was probably not the time to mention the pretty little flowers.

 

They went in the door and up to a counter where a familiar Vulcan woman was sitting.

 

“May I assist you?” she asked as they approached.

 

“Spock, son of Sarek,” Spock mumbled. She nodded.

 

“This way.” She took a chart and led them back to another smaller room. When she had seated Spock, she turned to Jim. “I believe you will need to wait outside,” she began.

 

Spock stood. “This is my mate. He is to stay.” His tone of voice was sharp.

 

The woman nodded once. “My apologies. Excuse me.” She shut the door behind her and Spock sighed.

 

“Easy, tiger,” Jim whispered. “She meant well.” He went over and discreetly held Spock’s pinky finger. “I’m not going anywhere. Take a deep breath.”

 

“I _detest_ doctors,” Spock hissed.

 

“Hey, I’m right with ya. This will be over in no time.” Right as Jim said that there was a knock at the door and after a moment it opened. An older Vulcan woman wearing the typical white lab coat with a stethoscope in her pocket walked in.

 

“Spock?” she began, looking at him carefully.

 

“Yes.” Spock pulled his hand away from Jim.

 

“I am Healer T’resta. And this is?” she hinted, glancing at Jim.

 

“James T. Kirk. I’m….” Jim hesitated.

 

“We are to be bonded,” Spock finished for him. The healer nodded.

 

“Very well. Please sit on the examination table. Describe your symptoms to me,” she asked, going to wash her hands. Spock looked over at Jim nervously and Jim nodded his support.

 

“I have been unnecessarily emotional for several days. It is impacting my life negatively.” Spock spoke to the floor.

 

The healer _hummed_ appreciatively. “Any other symptoms? Physical discomforts?”

 

Jim began to realize that doctors were doctors, no matter what culture they served. He actually felt rather at ease with Healer T’resta. He only wished it was that way for his mate. As the two continued their discussion, the healer asked Spock to remove his shirt and she began to examine his body. It looked like she was checking his lungs, feeling his glands, and listening to his heart, all of which Bones always did to Jim regardless of his complaint.

 

Finally the healer had Spock put his shirt back on. She wrote something in the chart.

 

“Spock, I believe your difficulties may be centering in your mind. To accurately diagnose this I will need to meld with you.” She turned to Jim. “Do I have your permission to meld with your mate?” she asked professionally.

 

Jim nodded. “Sure.”

 

T’resta approached Spock carefully. He nodded to her and she brought her hand up in a familiar gesture. When she had connected to his psi points correctly she whispered something in Vuhlkansu under her breath and the two went still. Within a minute, their breathing had synchronized. Jim watched anxiously. The silence stretched on and Jim began to grow nervous. He had no idea how long a mind-meld took. He knew they _felt_ like they went on forever.

 

Finally T’resta removed her hand and took in a steadying breath. Spock blinked and did the same. The healer went back and made more notations on the chart and then turned to Jim.

 

“I believe to confirm my findings I will need to meld with you, James. Do I have your permission?” she asked Spock.

 

“Yes, Healer.” Spock seemed a little more relaxed, and Jim idly wondered what the two had shared in their meld. T’resta rolled a stool over to where Jim was and sat before him. She raised her hand and positioned her fingers on his psi points. Again she whispered in Vuhlkansu and then—

 

_There was a presence in Jim’s mind that he did not know. It seemed to be searching for something. He tried to let his mind go blank, but memories began to flash before him. Private memories that he did not plan on sharing! He tried to suppress them and they came even faster. They seemed to be centered on his most special moments with Spock. Finally the consciousness receded._

 

Jim blinked as the healer removed her hand. She nodded once and went back to the chart. Jim looked over at Spock in apology. Spock shook his head. Finally she turned back to the pair.

 

“There are inherent difficulties in being unbonded _t’hy’la_ , however the problems appear to cease once the bond has been cemented. Spock, your current imbalance is a sign that your bond to your mate is settling within your mind. I understand this may be disquieting; however you are in no danger. When will you be finalizing your bond?” she finished.

 

Spock tilted his head. “We had made no definite plans. However, being a Starfleet officer, I cannot afford to have my psyche unbalanced for long. I believe we should have the ceremony as soon as it is feasible for the clan.” He looked at Jim.

 

“Uh, that’s fine with me. It will definitely make him better?” Jim asked the healer.

 

T’resta looked between the two. Finally, she answered. “Your connection is extremely deep and quite powerful. Once linked with you, Spock will undoubtedly experience much more control of his emotions.” She scribbled something on the chart and nodded to the two. “I have given you my answer. Should you need additional assistance please return.” With that she walked out.

 

Jim stood up and came close to Spock. “Hey, that’s good news. You’re going to be fine.” His voice didn’t sound convincing though, and Spock took his hand.

 

“Regardless of my condition, we do not have to do this so suddenly. I will understand if you prefer to wait.” Spock searched his mate’s eyes.

 

“Nope. I’m ready. Bring it on.” Jim smiled. The two left the office feeling much better than before.

 

As Spock maneuvered the aircar through the city, Jim watched the scenery pass. His mind was on what had happened in the meld. Finally he turned to his companion.

 

“Spock?”

 

“Yes Jim?”  
  


“That healer. She kinda … well, she saw things in my mind that I wanted to keep private. It was kind of invasive,” Jim complained.

 

Spock nodded. “That is the nature of a visit to a healer. Similarly, Dr. M’Benga has walked in on me dressing in Sickbay and not turned away. It is unsettling but not unheard of in the medical community. There is sometimes no privacy once you have opened either your mind or your body to another.” Spock looked over. “Are you able to share with me the memories you wished to keep secret?”

 

Jim colored. “Well, there was this time I walked in on you coming out of the shower at the gym and I saw your package. And I wholly approved of what I saw. But no one else needed to know that,” Jim added in protest.

 

Spock shook his head. “The healer was privy to my private fantasies concerning you as well, one of which involved silk ties and chocolate syrup.” Jim began snickering and Spock continued gently. “What she saw was more than likely nothing unusual to her. I am sure she sees bonded pairs regularly. And Vulcans do not _express_ emotions; it does not mean we do not have them whatsoever.” Spock took a deep breath and finished. “As my mother put it to me once, _how do you think you got here?”_

 

Jim snorted. “Uh, that’s a conversation I hope to never have with my mom. I really don’t want to think of her that way.”

 

The aircar veered off to the north and left the city. Jim focused again on the view. They were approaching a large canyon. Spock pulled the aircar to one side and parked it.

 

“We are here,” Spock announced.

 

Jim got out and walked to the edge of the ravine, causing Spock to be greatly alarmed. Spock grabbed his arm roughly. “Hey, I’m fine,” Jim assured him. He looked out over the gorge. “Where, exactly, is _here_?”

 

Spock nodded out to the view. “It has not yet been named; they are hoping to find something appropriate to memorialize the massacred.”

 

Jim sighed. “Do you want to hear something about massacred people and memorials?” Spock looked at him. “On Earth, in what was America, there was an attack during a holy war. Two large and important buildings, The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, were destroyed and the occupants killed. More were lost in the planes that were flown into those buildings in order to bring them down. There was an attack on the Pentagon and an aborted one on the White House too. Thousands of people died in just a few hours.”

 

“The fight between the United States and the Al-Qaida,” Spock remembered from his history lessons.

 

“It wasn’t just those people who were affected. Before the war was over the whole world became involved. It was the biggest conflict Earth had before World War III.” Jim took Spock’s hand in his. “But what happened to start it was only part of the story. What they did _afterward_ is the good part.”

 

“What did they do?” Spock asked, even though he already knew.

 

“They took the wreckage of the World Trade Center buildings and built a naval ship, the _USS New York_. They left memorials, they put plaques up and wrote songs and they remembered. But they also picked up the pieces and they moved on. I know it’s going to take time, Spock, but eventually your people will move on as well. I have faith that this will not destroy them. Nero will not win.” Jim squeezed his hand. “And eventually you will be able to move on as well. But no matter how long that takes I’m going to be right beside you.”

 

Spock’s eyes were moist. “Thank you, _t’hy’la_. You amaze me.”

 

Jim glanced at the sky and then back at his mate. “You know what? We should get up wicked early and come out here and have you do your morning meditation here as the sun rises. To pay your respects. Would you like that?”

 

Spock looked over at Jim in mild shock. “That is an incredible proposition, _ashayam_. You never cease to surprise me.”

 

Jim blushed. “Anything for you.”

 

They stood quietly for almost ten minutes, and finally Spock motioned back to the car.

  
“We can stay longer,” Jim offered.

 

“Without your sunscreen again, _ashayam_?” Spock pointed out. Jim sighed and got back in the vehicle.

 


	17. Cold Feet Hit Ya

They walked back in Sarek’s house and found him reading. He looked up at them and nodded.

 

“It is pleasing to see you again. Was your trip productive?” Sarek asked genially.

 

“Indeed, Father. We have news.” Spock looked at Jim and they seemed to converse silently for a moment, then he looked back. “Our _t’hy’la_ bond is somewhat unsettled and it is the opinion of a healer that I will be more composed the sooner James and I bond officially.”

 

Sarek took in the news slowly. “You have visited a healer? Son, why did you not inform me you were unwell?”

 

“I did not consider myself to be unwell until my mate became concerned and contacted a healer on my behalf.” Spock shot a look at Jim, who ducked his head.

 

“Is that so?” Sarek replied, looking at his other son. “Then it is fortunate you have such an observant mate.” He nodded to Jim. “Very well then, you wish to bond with due haste. I will contact the clan Matriarch and have plans made immediately.”

 

Jim looked back and forth between the other men and then walked up to Sarek. “Sir, may I ask to use your comm. station?”

 

Sarek didn’t seem surprised. “Very well.”

 

“And I need some privacy. From both of you.” Jim looked apologetic but stood his ground.

 

“From us both?” Spock asked faintly. He looked at his father and back. “If you wish.”

 

“We will travel to Ambassador Solion’s dwelling to make our plans for your bonding. Call there when you are finished.” Sarek motioned for his son to follow him out. Spock looked back over his shoulder at Jim one last time before the door closed.

 

Jim waited until the aircar had left before turning back to the comm. station. If his calculations were correct it was just past 7am Christmas Day on Earth. Not exactly the best time to be placing a call, but this was an emergency. And he said to call if there was an emergency. He placed the call and waited anxiously. After almost three solid minutes it was answered.

 

“ _Who the hell is it_?” Yeah, that was Bones. Jim grinned.

 

“Bones, I’m sorry to call you today but--”

 

“ _Jimmy-boy, you’d better be bleeding from every pore in your body. It’s Christmas Day. What do you want_?”

 

“Bones, I declare an emergency,” Jim stated firmly, and the other man fell silent.

 

“ _Where are you_?” McCoy asked in resignation.

 

“New Vulcan. I’m here with Spock.” Jim went on without stopping. “Uh, Spock asked me to come with him and I didn’t have anywhere to go so I came and then we found out we like each other a lot I mean a lot and we really love each other really a lot and we told each other and we have this special bond and-”

 

“ _Breathe, Jim_ ,” came the amused response.

 

Jim gasped in a breath. “—and we’re getting married.” There was sudden silence and then a choking noise on the other end.

 

“ _Son, this is not the time to be playing pranks.”_ McCoy was skeptical.

 

“I’m not. Bones, I’m getting married. Like, tomorrow or something.” Jim’s voice pleaded for understanding.

 

“ _You’re marrying the hobgoblin. Well hell. You both could do worse. What do you need from me, Jim?”_ McCoy waited patiently for the answer.

 

“I’m scared,” Jim whimpered. “What if something goes wrong? I want this to be for always. I don’t want to ever be with anyone else again. I love him. But I’m scared.”

 

There was a long pause on the other end, and then the sound of a young girl’s voice. McCoy covered the microphone and said something back to her. Then he moved his hand again.

 

“ _Jim, look. Being married is scary. And everyone wants it to be forever. But if you’re convinced this is what you want, then I’m behind you 100%. I’ve seen the way you two treat each other. Can’t say this is exactly a surprise, it’s just kind of sudden. Wish I could be there with ya, bro.”_ McCoy gave an unconvincing cough to cover his voice cracking at the end.

 

Jim’s eyes watered. “I love you, Bones. We’re going to have another ceremony for everyone and I want you to stand up for me. Can you do that for me?”

 

There was a gusty sigh that was entirely exaggerated. “ _Of course I can. And I love you too. Congratulations, Jim. My little brother is all grown up.”_ The little girl called out again and McCoy answered. “ _Coming, sweetheart. Let me say goodbye to Uncle Jim.”_ There was a pause. “ _Go for broke, Jim. I think you’re in for a wild ride, but it’s worth it. It is so worth it. Talk to you later.”_

 

“Bye Bones.” Jim disconnected the call and sat back. The reality of his situation came crashing down around him and his thoughts spun out of control. He had fallen in love without ever meaning to, and fought to keep it a secret for so long. He had found out his love was returned, and his heart had soared to heights it had never known. And now it was going to be official. Jim swallowed. Finally a gigantic smile grew on his face and he laughed.

 

He dialed the other number with video off. “Solion?” he responded when it was answered.

 

“ _No, it is Sarek. Are you well, my son_?” Sarek sounded very concerned, for a Vulcan.

 

“Yeah.” Jim nodded. “Yeah, I’m great. I’m ready to help. Can Spock come get me?” Jim heard a voice in the background say he was leaving now. “Thank you, Father,” Jim said formally.

 

When Spock got there, he walked in the door and stood there uncertainly. His eyes searched his mate’s face.

 

“ _T’hy’la_?”

 

“It’s okay, Spock. I’m done panicking. I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just got scared myself and needed to talk to someone.” Jim smiled weakly.

 

“You called Dr. McCoy?” Spock inferred.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“While I do not understand your connection with the doctor, I am gratified you had him to which to turn. Was he able to assist you?” Spock questioned.

 

“Strangely enough, yes. He knew exactly what to say.” Jim went and hugged his mate. “I love you. And I’m really ready. I swear this time.”

 

“Jim, if it is any consolation I have questioned this decision multiple times. I cannot even say for certain that I am sanguine with my answer now. However, I am prepared to go forward, as long as you are with me.” Spock kissed Jim’s forehead.

 

“If that’s a really long way of saying you’re scared too, that’s cool. Come on, let me in on the fun.” Jim headed for the door. “I want to find out what planning a bonding entails.”

 

Jim ended up spending much of the time just listening to the two older Vulcans discussing protocols and people to inform and paperwork to be filed. After a small meal, Spock sat on the sofa with Jim, his hand on Jim’s leg. Finally, Jim began to nod off in the heat and quiet. When he couldn’t keep his head up any longer, Spock moved them both to the floor and let Jim use his thigh as a pillow. Jim was asleep before he knew it.

 

When he awoke, he realized with some horror that he had drooled on Spock’s leg. Sitting up, he wiped his mouth, blushing furiously.

 

“I am so sorry,” Jim breathed.

 

Spock shook his head. “It did not concern me.”

 

Jim looked at him incredulously. “Do you realize that a year and a half ago you wouldn’t let me get near you? And look where we are now.” He grabbed Spock’s hand and kissed it. “You are phenomenal.”

 

“That is a big word for you,” Spock remarked, and Jim swatted his arm. “I am impressed with you as well, _t’hy’la_. Even if you do leave interesting secretions on my pants leg when you sleep.”

 

“Aren’t you the playful Vulcan?” Jim remarked. He realized with a start that they were alone. “Where’d everybody go?”

 

“Father and Solion have gone to retrieve the paperwork necessary to add you to the clan, as well as schedule the presence of the official who will certify our union to Starfleet.” Spock was calm.

 

Jim, however, had a small panic attack. “Shit!”

 

“What now, Jim?” Spock replied.

 

“What is this going do to us professionally?” Jim posed. “We’re the top two people on the ship. Are they even going to _let_ us get married?”

 

Spock nodded. “Father has already posed that particular problem. Solion has informed us that there are safeguards in place to prevent either of us from using our personal relationship to influence our professional one.”

 

Jim sighed in relief. “Whew. Okay.”

 

Solion and Sarek entered from outside. “I am pleased you are awake again, child. We are in need of your assistance at this time.” Sarek went to the kitchen table and laid out several sheets of paper. “This is done in duplicate; once in Standard, once in Vuhlkansu. They state the same information.”

 

Jim picked up the Standard copy and began reading. After a minute he stopped and held the sheet further from his face. He continued reading, wiping at his eyes every once in a while.

 

“Is something the matter, Jim?” Spock asked.

 

“I think I need my eyes checked, and I’m too damn proud to go do it.” Jim shook his head.

 

Solion looked up. “Jim, when you do seek assistance, be careful of the medication Retnax Five.” With that cryptic comment he went back to whatever he was reading himself.

 

Jim finished the document and swallowed hard. “You guys … are … _that_ Surak’s clan?” Spock nodded. “Jesus Christ, you must be able to trace your family roots back--”

 

“Five centuries,” Sarek supplied helpfully. “Of course, the early records were carried orally. We have only begun recording histories physically within the past century.”

 

“Cent--” Jim broke off. “Damn. Okay, I don’t know if you realize who you’re inviting into the family here.”

 

Spock looked at him fondly. “Jim, we realize and fully accept who you are. You are my _t’hy’la_ , my mate. That makes you a part of our family. Now we need to formalize that knowledge.”

 

Sarek looked at the chronometer on Solion’s wall. “Sons, it is late. I do not anticipate any further news tonight. We should retire.”

 

They said goodbye to Solion and climbed in the aircar. It was a ten minute journey from Solion’s to Sarek’s. In that time, Jim was asleep again, leaning against his mate. When they arrived, Spock opted to carry Jim in. He put him gently on the floor, only disturbing him long enough to take off his shoes. After a shower and a very relaxing half-hour of meditation, Spock turned off the light and lay down beside his intended.

 

It was their second night as an official couple.


	18. Painful Memories Shared Are Halved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a warning. There is mention of suicide in this chapter. It is brief and I will mark it with lines so you can skip that portion entirely; it's not entirely linked to the storyline. Apologies for any triggers.

Jim’s neck protested his first movement and he silently swore to never sleep on another floor. This time his head was actually on the floor and not on his duffel bag; however the result was the same. He had a vague memory of someone pulling off his shoes the night before. He peered through one eye to gauge his situation.

 

Strangely enough, Spock was still asleep beside him. Jim frowned and sat up carefully, looking behind him at the chronometer. It was just past six in the morning and Spock wasn’t awake yet? He must have had a late night. Jim lay back down on his back and stared at the ceiling. Spock gave a soft sigh and Jim checked on him. He appeared to be having a good dream. That was reassuring.

 

Jim thought back to his dream earlier that morning. He and Spock had both been in tuxedos, holding hands and exchanging vows. He couldn’t remember any more. There had also been another dream before that, but its lewd nature embarrassed the young man. He shifted uncomfortably and modestly readjusted himself. His motion stirred his fellow sleeper.

 

“Mmph,” was Spock’s first incoherent comment.

 

“I know,” Jim answered. “I haven’t done this in years. I can’t be too old to do it anymore so I don’t know what my problem is.”

 

Spock sat up slowly and rubbed the arm he had used as a pillow. “New Vulcan’s gravity is somewhat similar to Vulcan’s, meaning it is approximately a half time greater than our usual gravity field.”

 

“That explains why it feels like I’ve been walking underwater this entire time,” Jim complained.

 

Spock motioned for Jim to turn away from him and gently began to massage his neck. He easily identified the problem areas and released the knots the awkward slumber had left. Jim felt he could purr in happiness. Spock smoothed the back of Jim’s hair down and squeezed his shoulder.

 

“Thank you. I wish I could return the favor but you’re kind of built like a brick shithouse. I wouldn’t even begin to make an impression.” Jim scooted back until he was sitting between Spock’s legs. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

Spock considered the proposition. “I would not mind lying on the bed in the other room with you.”

 

Jim smiled. “You got it.” They got up and Jim followed Spock into the small room and climbed on the bed with him. It was a tight fit but kind of cozy. “I could fall back asleep,” Jim remarked.

 

“I would be right behind you,” Spock commented softly. They drifted off again in comfort.

 

When Spock returned to consciousness, his first concern was his thirst. He swallowed with some difficulty and considered how to extract himself from his lover’s embrace. A small shift of weight stirred the sleeping captain.

 

“Oh God, what time is it?” Jim breathed.

 

“It is twenty past ten. We slept rather late,” Spock commented. He slid backward off the bed smoothly and stood up. “I am getting _t’lalka_ juice. Do you require a libation?”

 

Jim rolled over and almost fell off the narrow bed. “Ack!” He recovered less than gracefully. “Uh, can I get some water?”

 

Spock paused. “You do not like water.”

 

“I’m not brave enough to try the _t’lalka_ juice again yet either. Water is fine.” Jim shooed him off and started straightening the bed covers. He plumped the pillow and surveyed his handiwork before joining his mate in the front room. He drank half the glass of water and then gagged violently. Spock quickly put his hand on Jim’s back in support.

 

“Jim, this is more than a customary dislike of a substance. You seem adverse to it in a strong way. Why is this?” Spock took the glass from Jim’s trembling hand and set it down.

 

Jim shook his head lightly. “I don’t know; I just hate water.”

 

Spock frowned and put his hands behind his back. “You said there was to be no lying in our relationship. That was _your_ requirement. Does it not apply to you as well?”

 

Jim blushed crimson and gritted his teeth. Finally he looked at the chronometer and back at Spock. “When’s Dad getting home?”

 

Spock did not correct his label for the older Vulcan. “He will not be back for another two hours.”

 

“Good.” Jim gestured to the chairs and sat down in one. “I don’t want him to hear this story yet.” Spock sat down carefully and watched his mate. Jim closed his eyes and took three deep breaths before opening his eyes again and looking at the ceiling.

 (cut here)

* * *

 

“It was fifth grade,” Jim began, and his voice was ragged with emotion. “I don’t remember how long it had been building. All I remember now is that one day someone brought up my dad in comparison to me, and I snapped. I went home and cried the rest of the evening.” He swallowed. “Sometime after midnight, I went into my mother’s bathroom, swiped her bottle of sleeping pills, and took them all.”

 

Spock sat upright with fear. “You attempted suicide?”

 

Jim was uncharacteristically still. “Yeah. I’m not proud of it, and I regretted it almost immediately. I was too scared to tell Mom, but I figured Sam would know what to do.”

 

“Your brother,” Spock remarked, and Jim nodded.

 

“He freaked out but I begged him not to tell Mom. He got a glass and turned on the bathroom faucet and started making me drink as much water as I could stand. I guess he figured it would dilute the pills and they would pass through without killing me.” Jim shook his head. “I think I got down ten glasses before I started getting nauseous and sleepy at the same time. Sam didn’t let up with the water.”

 

Jim crossed his leg and began to shake his foot. Spock preferred this to the non-movement; it seemed Jim was handling the recitation better now. “Around the twenty-fifth glass I started to vomit. Sam literally had to hold my head over the toilet because I was so weak I couldn’t do it myself. It went on for almost three whole minutes. But afterward Sam said I had gotten up a fair amount of the pills.”

 

“What was the final result?” Spock questioned.

 

“I slept from one a.m. to three a.m. The _next_ night. Mom thought I had the flu and kept me home from school. She never found out.”

 

“However?” Spock prompted.

 

“However,” Jim sighed, “I now have an intense hatred of plain water. I can’t stomach it, literally.” He looked over at his mate. “I’m sorry. But I figured you would find out soon enough, once we were bonded.”

 (end cut)

* * *

 

Spock got up and knelt beside Jim, wrapping his arms around him. “Oh, _t’hy’la_. You could have perished.”

 

“I didn’t,” Jim reminded him. “It was a stupid stunt and it was never repeated.” He buried his face in Spock’s neck and took a deep breath. “You took that better than Carol,” he mumbled.

 

Spock leaned back. “Who is Carol?”

 

Jim grimaced. “Remember you asked if I had ever fallen for anyone? I dated Carol for a year while I was at the Academy. We were so close. I told her everything, and I thought she had told me everything as well.” He fell silent for a bit, then snorted. “I must have miscalculated when I told her, because a week after our first anniversary she split. Dropped out of college, moved away, changed her number, I mean dropped off the face of the Earth.”

 

“And you thought it was because you told her your private thoughts?” Spock queried, puzzled.

 

“I don’t know. I never knew,” Jim rephrased. “But I figured she found out she was dating a complete and utter lunatic and dropped me like a cold fish.”

 

It took Spock a moment to process the colloquialism, and then he shook his head. “I will not abandon you if you confide in me, _ashayam_. I have many private memories I fear sharing with you. I do not wish to change your opinion of me.” Jim raised his eyebrows and Spock sat down beside the chair. “I will tell you of one. I once attempted to end my parents’ marriage.”

 

Jim looked at him curiously, silently asking for more. Spock sighed. “I was six. Closer to four and a half in your years,” Spock explained. “My parents feuded on a daily basis about how I was to be raised. My mother insisted I was unique, and should not have to conform to the practices used by other Vulcan families.” Spock’s eyes smoldered. “My father would not desist. He refused to listen to any more of her theories and left her presence to return to the office.”

 

Spock wiped his palms on his pants legs. “I went to my mother and informed her that I preferred her over my father, and would be ‘happier’ if she were not married to him any longer.”

 

Jim whistled low. “That took balls.”

 

Spock tilted his head. “I was a child. I did not know any better.” The full weight of his statement struck him and he repeated it slowly. “I did not _know_ any better.”

 

“What is it, _t’hy’la_?” Jim whispered.

 

“After twenty-four years of not repeating this shameful act to anyone, I believe something has just occurred to me.” Spock looked at his intended with wide eyes. “I do not believe my parents held me accountable for my action. They never chastised me for it.”

 

“I know you’ve probably been beating yourself up about this the entire time, but I really don’t think your folks held it against you either. It’s just one of those things kids do. And you _were_ really little.” Jim smoothed down the side of Spock’s hair. “You have to let go and move on.”

 

Spock turned his head to press a kiss into Jim’s palm. “Thank you. I would think I could say I ‘feel’ better.”

 

“But you don’t feel,” Jim pointed out mischievously.

 

“I do not,” Spock agreed, his eyes sparkling.

 

“Okay, dude, I need a shower and clean clothes, and you need to eat,” Jim insisted.

 

“I do not--”

 

“Don’t make me quote Bones. You never eat enough. You may weigh half a ton but you’re a rail. I’m sure it takes a lot of fuel to run that glorious machine anyway. It’s _logical_. Go eat.” Jim gave him a peck on the top of the head, grabbed some clothes, and went in the bathroom.


	19. The Captain Formerly Known As ....

Spock wandered in and got some bread. He thought for a moment about his relationship with Jim. They hadn’t worked together that well at first. In fact, it was a combination of Jim not following orders and Spock giving the wrong ones that almost did them in. He considered for a moment if he would have ever been a successful captain. He didn’t have the desire to be in command. Not the way Jim did.

 

Jim lived for his career, and made an excellent captain. His crew followed him faithfully and believed in him. In return, Jim cared about each of his crewmembers and had adopted an open-door policy that allowed a crewmember to come to him with concerns. Spock had never used this policy before; however he did not need to. Jim sought him out to ask his opinion on issues, and would always run his plans for missions by Spock. Not that he always _followed_ Spock’s advice. But he did listen.

 

And slowly but surely, they had begun sharing personal information. Jim told Spock of his family and some of his adventures growing up. Spock told him some about his early career in Starfleet and what had motivated him to join. Spock had even shown Jim a picture of him and his mother, standing on the deck of their home on Vulcan. Jim had complimented his mother quietly, neither pressing for more nor backing away. Jim had even left an unobtrusive birthday card for Spock in their bathroom, although Spock was still at a loss to explain how the captain had figured out it was his birthday.

 

The touches were the first clue something was different. A slap on the back, a light punch on the arm, a requested (but never received) high-five. The entire crew had taken cultural sensitivity courses and had been taught that Vulcans did not touch casually. Jim had either slept through that class or just ignored it altogether. But Spock didn’t really mind. He began to look forward to the contact; crave it even.

 

Spock became aware of his protective nature of the captain when Dr. McCoy commented on it. By this point there _was_ no going back. Spock had begun to think of Jim as _his_ captain, _his_ Jim. Spock had come to realize he was completely infatuated with the younger man. There would be times when Spock insisted those feelings were returned, but he was never sure.

 

Until last month, when a mission turned horribly wrong. Fleeing pursuit by hostile natives, Spock had slipped off the steep trail and fallen down an incline nearly 40 feet. Jim had slid down the incline using his hands for brakes in order to be with Spock. Lieutenant Demarcus from the Science department had told him the story. Jim had stayed by Spock’s side, frantically calling for a beam-out. His hands bled crimson over Spock’s already ruined blue tunic and his pale skin, but Jim did not react to his injury. He only spoke reassuring words to Spock over and over until they were retrieved.

 

The shoe was rarely on the other foot when it came to being in Sickbay, but Jim reacted swiftly and surely to his turn to wait. He sat outside the surgical ward, barely acknowledging the nurse who was spraying the second skin over his lacerated hands. When Spock was moved to the regular ward, Jim was informed that Spock was in a healing trance. Heedless, Jim stood by Spock’s bed side until Dr. McCoy took pity on him and brought him a chair. Jim took his flayed hands and gingerly held Spock’s cold one, murmuring words of encouragement and praise he had always meant to say before. Dr. McCoy later told Spock privately he had seen Jim bothered by injured crewmembers before, but never this shaken.

 

It was during that touch that something amazing happened to Spock. He felt his mind turn from the healing trance for a moment to meet with the mind intruding on his silence. There was a glorious moment of recognition, and love, and peace. Then it was over and though Spock was still gravely injured, he was no longer afraid. He knew he was not alone.

 

That was when Spock first began to suspect that Jim was his _t’hy’la_. He had tried to ask questions ambiguously to Solion of what a _t’hy’la_ bond was and what it entailed. Solion’s answers were vague but always close enough that Spock’s hope still grew. Now, Spock did not wonder any more. He knew for certain his captain--his friend--was his everything as well.

 

A pair of warm arms wrapped around Spock’s waist and he felt his heart swell. “ _T’hy’la_ ,” he murmured. “Do you feel better now that you have attended your needs?”

 

Jim sighed and laid his head on Spock’s shoulder. “Mmm. Yeah. But you didn’t eat nearly enough. When I said eat, I meant food, not just bread.”

 

The door opened and closed, and Jim stuck his head out of the kitchen. “Father, could you make him eat please?”

 

Sarek looked at the couple and nodded. “Spock, you remember your mother always lamented your dietary habits. However; James, she found he would eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches if you cut the crust off them.” Having given this pearl of wisdom, Sarek went into his bedroom.

 

“ _Really?”_ Jim declared. “I would have never known that. Mental note has been made.” He slapped Spock on the shoulder.

 

“I was three years of age,” Spock protested.

 

“When I was three, I was eating mud pies. I think you have nothing to be ashamed of,” his mate replied.

 

Sarek came back out and joined the other two while Spock made his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich to satisfy his partner. “Sons, your bonding will occur this afternoon.” Sarek folded his hands in front of him. Jim looked from Spock to Sarek and back, mouth open. “Is this not satisfactory?” Sarek queried.

 

“Sat—sat—uh, yeah, it’s great, it’s just wow, this is real,” Jim murmured. “What’s going to happen?” he asked the older Vulcan.

 

“You will be presented to the clan Matriarch. She will meld with both of you to determine this bonding is of your own free will, not by coercion or force.” Noting Jim’s face, Sarek added, “This is a surface meld, not a deep one.” Jim sighed in relief. “You will then meld with each other to set your bond. After five minutes, the Matriarch will join you both in the meld to verify the bond. Then you will be presented to the clan,” Sarek finished.

 

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Jim exclaimed.

 

“I have brought a robe for you to wear, Jim,” Sarek added, holding it up, and Spock nodded.

 

“Thank you, Father. I was uncertain as to that detail.” Spock looked over at Jim. “The robe you saw me wear on our trip here is a ceremonial clan robe. I had worn it intending to perform a grieving lament for Mother upon my arrival. We will both wear one for this ceremony.”

 

“What does it say?” Jim asked, gesturing to the front of the garment.

 

“This robe is a match to mine; it designates your placement in the clan as Sarek’s son. It also goes back three more generations.” Spock tilted his head. “We will have to have one made specifically for you for the future. It will designate your placement as Sarek’s son but my mate.”

 

Jim squinted. “I’ve seen this symbol in your quarters before. What is it?”

 

Spock nodded. “That is my last name.”

 

Jim gave a laugh. “I’m going to be like that old singer who changed his name to a symbol. The captain formerly known as Kirk.”

 

“Mother kept her last name when she married Father. I highly doubt you would be able to pronounce the family name in any case,” Spock replied.

 

Sarek nodded to Jim. “You would more than likely be designated as James Kirk _adun_ Spock. However, you are not required to use that outside of the clan.”

 

“So when is this illustrious occasion?” Jim posed.

 

“In an hour.” Sarek’s eyes smiled. “I did not wish for you to ‘suffer’ long, so I chose to tell you later rather than sooner.”

 

Jim felt his stomach roll and nodded weakly. “Great. I’ll just … I’ll just go sit down now.” Instead of going to the sitting room, Jim walked back to the guest room and sat on the bed. After a quiet minute or two, there was a soft knock on the door.

 

“ _T’hy’la_?” Spock stood in the doorway. “Is there anything I can do to ease your mind?”

 

“Why are you so calm about this?” Jim asked incredulously. “Aren’t you the least bit bothered?”

 

Spock walked in and knelt in front of Jim. “Jim, I will not lie to you. I am nervous. However, everything that I know, everything that I am, tells me this is the right action to take. I love you,” he breathed. “I trust you. And I would rather take this step with you than anyone else.”

 

“I don’t do well under pressure,” Jim admitted shakily. “I puked four times before my Captaincy ceremony.”

 

“You appeared calm and in control,” Spock remarked.

 

“Good. And knowing me, I’ll be totally in control now. It’s just behind the scenes that I fall apart.” Jim kissed Spock’s forehead. “Remember I promised; I’m ready. Go get that robe and let’s get dressed.”


	20. The Blushing Vulcan Bride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a fade to black scene here; when you reach it please forgive me for the lack of detail. I just couldn't.

Forty-five minutes later, Jim was standing to one side of a large square in the city. People were gathering around the edges. Jim looked back at Sarek in question.

 

“Clan members. Since this is not a private ceremony, they are permitted to observe.” He took a deep breath. “It will be soon now.”

 

A middle aged woman in a long, flowing gown stepped to the center of the square. She gave a loud statement in Vuhlkansu and clapped her hands once above her head.

 

“She calls the one who is to be bonded. Spock,” Sarek whispered. Spock walked forward and knelt before the woman. She placed her hand on the side of his face and closed her eyes. Then she nodded and stepped back. Again she called out in her language. “She calls for the one who is to join him. Go out, son.” Sarek put his hand on Jim’s back.

 

Jim walked calmly to the woman and knelt before her. She positioned her fingers on his face and Jim felt a presence in his mind, but it was only there for a moment before it receded. She nodded and stepped back.

 

“Spock, son of Sarek, son of Skon, son of Solkar. Thee has found in this man thou _t’hy’la_. Thee has successfully petitioned this clan for his inclusion. Thee are now to be bonded. Is this thou goal?” she asked dispassionately.

 

“It is,” Spock answered.

 

She turned to Jim. “James, son of George, son of Tiberius. Thee has accepted the bond of _t’hy’la_ and petitioned for thou inclusion in the clan. Thee are now to be bonded. Is this thou goal?”

 

Jim took a steadying breath. “It is,” he answered.

 

She clapped her hands above her head again. “Begin the bond,” she called. Spock shifted so he was facing Jim, and Jim moved carefully to meet him. Spock raised his hand to Jim’s forehead and ….

 

_Jim felt the dizzying sensation of losing his corporeal body. There was a presence in his mind, but it was a safe one. It was a familiar one. He smiled. “Spock?” he called out._

 

“ _Jim,” Spock answered. “Are you ready?” Jim nodded. “Very well. This may be slightly uncomfortable,” Spock warned._

 

_There was a sensation like being held, and then a tugging feeling in his core. His memories began to appear without warning, and at the same time he was seeing memories not his own. The breathtaking exchange of consciousness continued for what felt like forever. Then it settled and Jim realized he could still feel Spock’s mind in his._

 

_A third consciousness intruded. It seemed to pull at this connection between Jim and Spock, and then check their cores carefully. There was a hint of amusement and then it receded._

 

Spock broke the meld and looked into Jim’s eyes, which were slightly dazed but open. The woman gestured for them to stand and face the crowd.

 

“The bond of _t’hy’la_ is complete. This joining is sacred. Let no one disturb it.” She walked away without a second glance.

 

Jim looked at Spock in question. “That’s it?”

 

“We are officially joined,” Spock commented. He seemed rather surprised and just a little relieved. Jim stopped for a moment and thought about it. That was exactly how Spock felt. Jim could _sense_ Spock’s emotions. They weren’t overwhelming or anything, just clearly not Jim’s. It was like a sixth sense. “In a very real way it _is_ a sixth sense for you, _ashayam._ ” Spock answered Jim’s passing thought. Jim gaped at Spock. “I apologize. I am more adept at mental communication than you. I will teach you what you need to know.”

 

“Let me try again,” Jim spoke quickly. He squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath.

 

Spock fought back a smile. “Jim, I do not believe the physical motions are necessary. Simply focus your thought on me and I will hear you.” He shook his head. “Although if you want to make that face when you communicate with me I cannot stop you.”

 

Jim swatted at his arm. “Idiot. Um, so, we get to go home now?” Jim was still waiting for some major sign to proclaim that his life had changed. The crowd had dispersed, leaving three people still standing. Sarek, Solion, and … who was that in the Starfleet uniform?

 

The woman walked forward and held her hand out to Jim. “Captain Kirk,” she said, shaking his hand. She turned to Spock and nodded her head once. “Commander Spock. I am Lieutenant Sampson. May I congratulate you on your nuptials? I pass along Starfleet’s good wishes as well as a personal message from Admiral Christopher Pike.” She smiled very enigmatically and gave an obvious quote: “ _Don’t screw this up, kids_.”

 

Jim sighed and looked at his husband. “See, even in my culture _I’m_ still a kid. That’s nothing unique.” Then he turned back to the woman and smiled at her. “Thank you. We appreciate it. Is there anything more we need to do on Starfleet’s agenda?”

 

“Yes, sir, one more detail. Will you be declaring dual citizenship?” She waited as Jim’s mind caught up with her.

  
“As a Vulcan?” He gaped at her.

 

“You are bonded and an official member of a clan in good standing. You are entitled to dual citizenship. Actually, you are entitled to drop your Terran citizenship and only be a Vulcan citizen if you so desire.” She looked to Spock for assistance.

 

“Jim, I am a dual citizen because my mother was a dual citizen. It is not uncommon. This is simply a formality should you need to identify yourself as a citizen of a culture. You would call it a technicality. It can be changed at a later time.” He clasped his hands behind his back, but within his mind gave a sudden surge of love and support to Jim.

 

Jim took a deep breath and nodded. “Thank you,” he told his mate cryptically. He turned back. “Yes, I will be declaring dual citizenship,” Jim told the official.

 

“Very well. I understand you will be back aboard the _Enterprise_ in a week? We will have the appropriate paperwork awaiting you then.” She shook Jim’s hand again and nodded to Spock. “Congratulations, gentlemen.”

 

Solion walked up cautiously to the pair. “May I offer my congratulations to you both? I understand there will be a second ceremony for your friends and family. Will you send me a video?” He seemed to be lost in memories.

 

Jim looked at Spock and a question passed between the two. Spock nodded his response, and Jim walked up and wrapped his arms around Solion.

 

“You can be there, if you want. We would love to have you there. I hope this hasn’t been too hard on you. I know you miss him.” Solion stood still for a moment, and then wrapped his arm around Jim’s shoulders.

 

“Thank you, James. I sincerely hope you both have the best of experiences. And as always, I wish you good luck.” Solion looked at his younger counterpart fondly. Then he placed his hands behind his back in a familiar way and walked off slowly.

 

Sarek gestured back behind him. “You will find my aircar down the street. I will be staying at Ambassador Solion’s, should you need anything. Live long and prosper, sons.” He started to walk off when Jim’s voice stopped him.

 

“Wait, you’re just going to leave us at your house alone?” Jim was incredulous.

 

“I believe the term is a ‘honeymoon’, James. Make the best use of your time.” Sarek gave a small smile and turned back around. Jim closed his mouth and whirled around at his bondmate.

 

“Oh. My. Gawd. That wasn’t subtle.” Jim blushed furiously. He noticed his coloring was probably as dark as the verdant stain across his mate’s cheeks.

 

“I assume now is when I am supposed to take you home and carry you across the threshold of the doorway?” Spock whispered. Jim whacked him in the arm again. “No? Very well. We will have to make our own tradition.”

 

They rode home in silence. Jim looked out the window and Spock concentrated on the path, but their hands touched gently in the middle of the seat. When they arrived at the house they walked in and shut the door and quietly changed out of their robes, hanging them up carefully. Then Jim went into the guest room and sat down on the bed. Spock stood in the doorway, watching him.

 

Jim looked up, and then bent down and began to unlace his shoes. When he had removed them and set them aside he removed his socks. Then he stood and undid his pants and slid them off. Spock remained rooted in place. Jim pulled off his shirt and tossed it to the side. He took a deep breath, and removed his boxers. James Tiberius Kirk stood completely naked, body and soul, before another for only the second time in his adult life.

 

Spock shut the door behind him, and slowly mirrored Jim’s actions. Off came his shoes, his socks, his pants, and his shirt. Then he gracefully removed his underwear and stood before his mate. His heart was thrumming in his side and there was a faint tremor in his hands, but otherwise he stood still. Jim crossed the room and took his hand. They walked back to the bed together and lay down.

 

The night fell quietly outside, and no one bothered to turn on the lights in the house.

 

It was their third night as a couple, their first as bondmates, the first of a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will leave you here for tonight. Hope you're enjoying and thanks so much for reading. More chapters to follow tomorrow!


	21. Duty Calls

Jim awoke to the feeling of a heavy arm over his side and a cold pair of feet tangled with his. It was heaven. The arm shifted and the feet pulled away, and Jim moaned in disappointment.

 

“ _Ashayam_ , I realize my feet are cold. They usually are. I apologize.” Spock murmured into the pillow.

 

Jim snuggled back harder against his mate. “Eh. Doesn’t really bother me. It was more of an observation than a complaint.” Jim captured the missing appendages with his and rubbed them gently. “I’ll be your personal furnace whenever you need it.” Spock rolled off the bed fluidly and walked over to his pile of clothes. “Where ya goin?” Jim called.

 

“It is my turn for the bathroom, unless you propose we attempt to share.” The last part was practically a dare coming from him. Jim growled playfully and Spock demurred quickly. “I would not ask that of you. I will be back shortly.”

 

Jim got up and slipped on his boxers and jeans, and made the bed. While he was waiting, he read the titles of the books on the shelves. Most of them were in Vuhlkansu so he couldn’t tell what they said, although some of them had the symbol for Spock’s last name in them. Maybe Sarek was an author? Then Jim came to a stash of very old, very well preserved hardcover books in Standard.

 

_Treasure Island. The Count of Monte Cristo._ And what was this set? _The Dark Tower,_ by Stephen King. Who was that? Those books seemed particularly worn, with breaks in the spine and the pages dog-eared.

 

Spock walked in and viewed his mate for a moment, following his line of vision. “Those were the books my father had stashed at the Vulcan Embassy on Earth. Some of them are dissertations from my father’s days at the Vulcan Science Academy.”

 

Spock came closer. “The last set, the one that seems to have caught your eye, is my mother’s. _Was_ my mother’s. She was particularly fond of horror novels, and found the works of Stephen King quite by accident. I read the first novel of that series but did not find it compelling enough to finish.”

 

The name finally clicked for Jim. “Stephen King! Wait, he’s the one who wrote the book _It_! I saw that movie when I was a kid and it scared the shit out of me. I wouldn’t go near a clown ever again. God, that’s a classic!” Jim flopped back on the bed, messing up his earlier work. “I can’t see you reading anything other than theoretical physics manuals. What do you like the best?”

 

Spock thought about it and then shook his head. “I will admit to having a fondness for unusual poetry. There are historical poems from early Vulcan, before Surak, that are quite moving.”

 

“You’ve got to read one to me sometime,” Jim declared, and Spock went still. “What?” Jim could feel great sadness over the bond.

 

“I left my books in my room on Vulcan when I went to Starfleet Academy. I meant to return for them when I was able. I never got the chance.” Spock looked down, and Jim’s heart ached for him. Finally he looked back up and gave a very small smile. “I will simply have to find new books to replace them.”

 

“Attaboy.” Jim went over and kissed Spock’s cheek and called out “I’m headed for the bathroom” as he walked out the door.

 

Spock straightened the bed again and pulled out the book _The Gunslinger_. He flipped through the book and stared at the words, not really seeing anything. There was a noise behind him and he turned to find his father standing in the door.

 

“That was your mother’s,” Sarek began.

 

“I am aware,” Spock replied.

 

“However, I think she would want you to have it if you so desired.” Sarek walked over and pulled the books out and stacked them in his son’s hands. “All of them. If nothing else, than for you to have a piece of her with you.”

 

“And you, Father?” Spock posed. “What do you keep of her?”

 

Sarek’s eyes grew soft and he swallowed. “My son, she gave me you. You are the best part of her and I will always thank her for you.” Spock raised his hand in the _ta’al_ ; Sarek did the same. They pressed their palms against one another and held them there for a full minute.

 

Outside, Jim was watching surreptitiously. He walked quietly into the sitting room and brushed away a tear. He was going to wipe the floor with the next asshole who said Vulcans had no feelings.

 

Someone cleared his throat and Jim looked up suddenly to find his mate staring down at him, rather amused.

 

“Oops, I broadcast that last thought, didn’t I?” Jim whispered.

 

“ _T’hy’la_. We are going to have to work on your shielding if you are going to continue with these irreverent thoughts. I somehow doubt you wish me to know your every comment. Neither of us would remain sane that way.”

 

“I would not be certain of that,” Sarek commented as he carefully packed the books into Spock’s duffel bag. “Amanda was often the calming force in my life. She allowed me to ‘rant’ to her through the bond and that in turn allowed me to appear peaceful to others.”

 

“And with her?” Spock asked pointedly.

 

“With her, I gladly returned the favor. I was apparently beneficial to her psyche as well. She told me she learned to temper her comments vocally by censoring herself mentally. Especially when we had a child in the house.” The last part was directed at Spock fondly.

 

“Mother still had a fierce disposition when displeased, Father. She repeated some of her arguments with you after I left for Starfleet Academy instead of the Vulcan Science Academy.” Spock nodded. “She was as protective as a mother _sehlat_ , no doubt.”

 

Sarek looked at Spock for a long moment and then admitted quietly, “I had intended to repair the rift between us. But I was stubbornly waiting for you to make the first move.” Sarek sat down and folded his hands in his lap. “Do you realize something like that happened to Solion?”

 

Jim sat on the floor, leaving the chair beside Sarek for his son. “What, having a fight?”

 

“It was more than an argument for him and his father,” Sarek answered. “When Solion left for Starfleet Academy, his father ceased communicating with him entirely. They did not speak again for 18 years.” Sarek glanced over at Spock. “I would hope we would not have repeated that mistake; however had we not been placed together on the _Enterprise_ I cannot say what would have come to pass.”

 

“What finally brought them back together?” Jim requested.

 

Sarek tilted his head. “His father happened to come aboard the _Enterprise_ and his mother brought them back together.” He looked back to the kitchen. “It seems _that_ Amanda was the peacemaker in her family as well.”

 

“I have asked Solion about his mother before, just to see if they were the same,” admitted Spock.

 

“I asked him about my dad,” Jim piped up. "My dad in the other universe," he clarified.

 

“And did the answers provide you with any lasting peace?” Sarek pointed out. Both boys were silent. “It is difficult for Solion to be in this universe, seeing his life played out before him. Regardless of the changes, it is similar enough that it is painful.”

 

Sarek continued. “He is very cautious about what he reveals. Starfleet Command has asked for his expertise several times, and he refuses to become involved.” Sarek looked at the two others. “What he has revealed to me has been carefully screened. I believe the anecdote about him and his father was given as a warning about my situation with Spock.”

 

“I know he would not tell me who his bondmate was until Jim and I had already decided our course,” Spock pointed out.

 

“The bonding ceremony must have been tough on him,” Jim replied softly.

 

“Not entirely,” Sarek answered firmly. “He did tell me he had many fond memories he was revisiting because of you two. If anything, your bonding seems to have ‘lifted his spirits’ so to speak.”

 

“Well that’s a relief,” Jim sighed.

 

The comm. station went off and Sarek stood to answer it. After a short greeting he turned to his sons. "It is Starfleet, James. They wish to speak with you."

 

Jim got up and went to the station. "Hello?"

 

"Captain Kirk, your presence is needed aboard the _Enterprise._ We have dispatched a shuttle which should be arriving in an hour." The communications officer was apologetic.

 

"That's fine. Is this a general recall or do you just need me?" Jim asked.

 

"Unknown at this time, sir. Sealed orders from the Admiralty." She paused. "Do _you_ wish to initiate a general recall?"

 

"No, I'll come check it out first. No point in ruining everyone's break until it's necessary. Thank you. Kirk out." Jim turned and faced his mate. "Well damn. Good thing we went ahead with the ceremony," he muttered.

 

"Do you wish me to come, Jim?" Spock stated calmly.

 

"Uh, hell yeah. I would appreciate the presence of my second-in-command if the Admiralty is going to be tossing orders around." Jim slapped Spock on the arm. "Come on, let's pack." They began packing their belongings and then Jim called Solion while Spock fixed a late lunch.

 

"Solion?" Jim began.

  
"Yes, Jim?" Solion actually did seem in a better mood.

 

"I am so sorry. I'm going to have to take a rain check on that chess game. They just called me back." Jim smiled weakly at the screen.

 

"That is acceptable. Will your mate be joining you?" Solion asked.

 

"Duh!" Jim exclaimed. "I'm not letting the powers that be dump a load of shit on me without his help," he complained.

  
"Jim!" Spock chastised from the kitchen.

 

Solion was fighting back a smile. "Very well. You will contact me about the second ceremony?"

 

"Of course," Jim promised. "And hey Solion?" Solion looked back at him. "Thanks. For everything." Jim smiled.

 

"It was my pleasure. Live long and prosper, Jim." They signed off and Jim decided to call his other top officer.

 

The comm. station rang four times before a tiny voice squeaked " _Daddy go potty."_ There was a small scrabble and a furiously blushing McCoy answered the line.

 

" _Sorry 'bout that, Jim. Uh, you okay_?" McCoy was in a Christmas sweater and jeans, which he was zipping up. The clock on the wall chimed the half-hour. It was still mid-afternoon there.

 

"Yeah, Bones, I just wanted to give you a heads up. They've called me back to the ship for sealed orders. If I have to give a recall notice I wanted you to have plans for Joanna." Jim looked patiently at his best friend.

 

" _Well crap_ ," Bones muttered. " _Thanks, kid. I owe ya. You know how to reach me if you need me. I'll come back if you want,_ " he offered.

  
"No, no, you enjoy your time with your daughter. We'll deal with this and see if there's anything to squawk about." Jim reassured his friend.

 

" _We_?" questioned the older man with a knowing grin. " _I'll bet dollars to donuts they didn't recall the XO too. He's going anyway_?"

 

Jim glanced at his mate and then returned the smirk. "Have you ever seen one without the other?"

 

" _Yeah yeah, you're a package deal now. Terrific. I'll see you whenever I get back, man_." Bones gave a mock salute and disconnected.

 

Jim ate his lunch and checked the chronometer. They had half an hour to get to the visitor’s center. They climbed in the aircar with their belongings; both sat in the back. Sarek drove them there quietly and helped unload their belongings. The shuttle had arrived ten minutes early (way to go Starfleet) and they carried their bags on. Jim jumped back off the ship and ran up to his new father-in-law.

 

“Father,” Jim began, and then amended it. “Dad. Thank you so much. I promise we’ll come back as often as we can. I really appreciate all you’ve done.”

 

Sarek nodded. “Thanks are not necessary.” Jim made a face and he continued “But they are appreciated. Please care for each other closely. You bring honor to your clan.”

 

Spock walked up behind Jim and gave the _ta’al_. “Peace and long life, Father.”

 

“Live long and prosper, sons.” Sarek walked away and Spock and Jim boarded their flight back.


	22. I Didn't Need To Know That

Jim got bored halfway through the flight. He began to pick at Spock. Finally, his mate breathed a soft sigh and turned his full attention to him.

 

“ _Ashayam,_ I believe you are not sufficiently occupied. Do you require assistance?” Spock scanned his partner’s face.

 

“Yes, Spock, I _am_ bored. I’m sorry.” Jim leaned his head back against the seat. “The last four days have been a whirlwind, and don’t get me wrong, I love excitement. But I get in a certain mode and it takes forever to get me unstuck.”

 

“I have a suggestion, should you be amenable.” Spock waited until he had Jim’s attention. “We could start practicing your shielding.”

 

“Oh, cool, so I won’t bother you?” Jim exclaimed.

 

“You would not bother me, Jim. However, it would be remiss of me to have access to all of your thoughts and not share all of mine.” Spock watched Jim very carefully, and knew his objection before his husband voiced it.

 

“Hey, you said no secrets!”

 

“Jim, I do not project every thought I have. There are several you simply do not need to know. If you truly wish, I can stop blocking them and you can be privy to every thought that crosses my mind.” Jim started to open his mouth and Spock beat him to it. “I would _not_ recommend you test me on this.”

 

“Well at least give me an idea what you’re not telling me.” Jim pouted slightly, and Spock shook his head in exasperation.

 

“I do not inform you of when I need to relieve myself,” Spock pointed out and Jim blushed a bright red. “Yes, Jim, I ‘heard’ that one this morning.”

 

“So I need to not say everything that loud. Okay, what do I have to do?” Jim crossed his arms.

 

Spock began a very detailed explanation of how thoughts are passed along the bond and how to stop them from being ‘broadcast’ automatically. They did an exercise where Spock would say a word and Jim was to think of his own word but not project it. They did this for an hour. Finally Spock overheard the pilot asking permission to come aboard the _Enterprise_.

 

“We have arrived, Captain.” The use of his title and a subtle hint through the bond reminded Jim to resume his professional attitude.

 

They climbed down into the hangar deck and Jim was immediately met by Mr. Scott.

 

“Scotty, for gods’ sake, please tell me you left the ship sometime.” Jim grouched at his Chief Engineer.

 

“Aye, laddie.” Scotty nodded. “I did four spacewalks to repair the outer hull,” he continued innocently, and Jim put his hand over his face.

 

“Okay. As of--” Jim broke off and checked the chronometer in the hall. “—twenty-two hundred I accept command. Report?”

 

“Nothin’ really tah report, sir. Crew complement is at 57%. A little birdie tells me ya got some sealed orders. Are you going to be recallin’ the rest o’ the crew, sir?” Scotty finished his report.

 

“Let me read them first, Scotty, jeez!” the captain exclaimed.

 

“Aye, sir, then I’ll just be returnin’ to me engines. Welcome back, Cap’n, Commander.” Scotty strode back toward the turbolift.

 

Jim looked at Spock out of the corner of his eye. “Change into something more professional?”

 

“Yes, sir,” Spock responded.

 

“Meet you in the Briefing Room in five then,” Jim responded out of habit. They both walked down the hall and caught the same turbolift, but were silent. Jim walked into his quarters and Spock walked down the hall to his door.

 

Jim tugged off his shirt and hissed at the fading pain where he was sunburned. Then he wriggled out of his jeans and tossed them both in a laundry bag. He pulled out a clean uniform and started to put it on when he noticed something in the mirror. He pulled the top back off and went closer to the mirror. There, on his collarbone, was a hickey. Spock had given him a hickey. Jim giggled to himself and pulled the top on over it. He finished dressing and slipped through the bathroom, knocking on the door to Spock’s room.

 

“Hey, Spock, can I come in?” Jim called.

 

Spock unlocked the door and finished smoothing his top. “Captain, may I help you?”

 

Jim put his finger to his lips and lifted his top high enough to show the surprise underneath. Spock glanced at it, nodded, and pulled up his top while turning around. He had nail marks down his back. Jim gasped and giggled softly. Spock pulled his top back down and tilted his head. Then something passed between the two of them and Jim nodded professionally. They walked out Spock’s door and headed for the bridge.

 

Jim slid into a chair in the Briefing Room and waited for Spock to seat himself. Then he pulled up the orders.

 

“VOICE IDENTIFICATION PROCEDURE. VERIFY.” The computer waited patiently.

 

“Kirk, James T. Captain, USS _Enterprise_.” Jim waited for the security procedure to complete. The screen broke into pixels and then went dark again. Letters sprang up before Jim.

 

JIM. HAVE IMPORTANT MISSION. CALL IN PERSON. PIKE.

 

Jim made a face and looked over at his exec. “What do you think this is all about?”

 

“I am not certain, Captain.” Spock was just as puzzled.

 

Jim shrugged and closed the file. “Guess we’ll find out tomorrow. I’m not calling Chris at eleven at night.”

 

“A wise decision, Captain,” Spock commented.

 

“Now. I believe we’ll be sleeping in my room tonight. Let’s go get settled in and at least pretend like we’re going to sleep, or we’ll have transporter lag so bad we won’t see straight tomorrow.”

 

Spock stood and gestured to the turbolift. “After you.”

 

If anyone noticed the fact that the Captain and Commander both went in the same quarters and never left, no one said a word.

 

It was their first night together aboard the ship.


	23. ESP-ecially Now

Something moved and a very cold foot landed on Jim’s leg. Why was Spock so cold? “Oh crap,” Jim suddenly swore as he woke up. “Computer, raise temperature ten degrees.” The heater kicked on and Spock gave a small smile.

 

“Computer, disregard. Raise temperature _five_ degrees,” Spock amended. “I will not have you uncomfortable in your own quarters.” He got out of the bed and Jim watched. Sitting on the edge, he clasped his hands in front of himself and brought up the question he knew would amuse his husband. “Where do you wish to sleep tomorrow night?”

 

Jim grinned. “Well, we’re going to have to figure out a way to get a bigger bed somewhere. But for right now, just in case the crew needs me, how about you keep sleeping in here?” Jim batted his eyelashes. “I’ll keep it extra warm just for you….”

 

“I thank you, _t’hy’la_. I will attempt to not place my feet on yours,” Spock promised.

 

“You better stick your feet on me. And your legs. And your body. And your arms. Everything.” Jim sidled up to his mate and knelt on the bed to kiss him. “And speaking of sticking things places…”

 

The intercom whistled and Jim growled. He got up and swatted at the offending machinery. “Kirk here.”

 

“Good morning, Captain. The starbase needs us to move off station so the USS _Marshall_ can come in for repairs. Permission to maneuver?”

 

“Sure, Sulu, do what you need to. I’ll be up in a second. Kirk out.” Jim leaned his head against the wall. “I hate interruptions.”

 

The two men got ready rather quickly and then took the turbolift up to the bridge. Jim motioned for Spock to come with him and led him back into the Briefing Room. Jim pressed the button to contact the communications officer. When she answered, Jim asked to be patched through to Command, office of Admiral Christopher Pike.

 

“One moment, sir,” Uhura requested. Spock shifted minutely in his seat and Jim drummed his fingers on the table. Finally, she returned. “Standby for Admiral Pike, Captain.”

 

“Jim?” Pike started. “How the hell are you? Sorry to call on your honeymoon. I take it your beloved is there too?”

 

Jim shot a look at Spock and smiled. “Yes, sir. You didn’t say to be alone….”

 

“No, Jim, what I have to say he can hear. But _only_ him. This is Top Secret,” Pike warned.

 

“Understood, sir,” Jim and Spock answered.

 

“You’re headed for a planet named Tirealla. They’re potential candidates for joining the Federation, but have only been visited by the First Contact team.” Pike cleared his throat. “This is an advanced culture, guys. They make us look like we’re still in diapers. All you need to do is beam down, spend a day with them, have them sign some paperwork, and beam back.” For some reason, Pike seemed to be pleading his case by the end.

 

“Chris, why do I feel like there’s a catch somewhere?” Jim pointed out.

 

Pike took an uncustomary pause, and then cleared his throat. “Excuse me. No catch, gentlemen. Just a straightforward diplomatic visit. I trust your crew can _handle_ a diplomatic assignment?” His words lingered in the air and something twitched in Jim’s mind. He looked up at his husband, who was wearing a frown and shaking his head.

 

“Chris, I believe my First has some questions,” Jim replied smoothly. Spock tilted his head before beginning his attack.

 

“Will you be forwarding us the report given by the First Contact team, sir?” Spock waited patiently.

 

“Uh, no, actually that’s still under wraps. I can give you a taste though.” Pike sounded nervous, and the feeling of unease grew between Jim and Spock. “The Ievanians are a peaceful people, very curious, very benign. They have achieved space flight but chose not to explore the galaxy until they met with the Federation team. Now, they are interested in joining an interstellar community that stands for peace and brotherhood.”

 

“All very applause-worthy traits. However, why do you feel the need to divert a Constitution class vessel to handle such a small diplomatic function?” Spock posed evenly.

 

There was a strangled noise on the other end of the connection. Pike sighed. “Can you two handle it or not?” He was very abrupt.

 

Jim looked at Spock. _Should we?_ He sent.

 

Spock sighed. _If you wish._

 

“Okay. Send whatever details you can and tell us what’s classified and what isn’t.” Jim tapped the table once lightly.

 

“Coordinates are being sent. The rest will be in your hands in under an hour. Thanks, guys.”

 

STARFLEET COMMAND, OFFICE OF THE ADMIRALTY, the screen read. Jim shut it off.

 

“Ooookay. It’s hinky but I can’t justify not doing it. I want you to pore over everything Pike sends us. If you think it’s safe, then we’ll beam down. But I’m waiting for your go, Commander.” Jim nodded.

 

“Very well, Captain.” Spock tamped down his anxiety for the moment. His mate had made his decision; it wouldn’t do for him to question it now. Spock walked back out of the Briefing Room and back to the bridge to await the further information.

 

Jim regretfully initiated the recall of his crew and went back to his cabin to think. He had told Spock if he didn’t like it they wouldn’t beam down. He trusted Spock with that decision, just as he always trusted the First to object if a mission seemed unsafe. And boy, had Spock _objected_. When Jim had first taken command, the stubborn Vulcan wouldn’t let Jim leave the ship, period. After a few hairy missions where Jim beamed _himself_ down to the surface, Spock relented enough to let Jim beam down occasionally, on the really safe missions. They continued hammering out an understanding until finally Spock only objected if there was a clear and present danger.

 

An hour later Jim’s door chime sounded and he turned around curiously. “Enter,” he called. In walked a very unhappy Vulcan. Jim’s heart ached. “Hey, Spock. What’s up?” he asked gently.

 

“Sir, I would like to speak to you about a concern.” Spock did not make eye contact; instead he focused his eyes on the insignia on Jim’s shirt.

 

“Oh. Okay, uh, have a seat,” Jim offered, walking to his desk. Spock sat down stiffly and Jim sat on the corner of the desk. “What’s up, Commander?”

 

Spock fidgeted with his hands for a moment, and then looked up at the captain plaintively. “Sir, do you believe in extrasensory perception?”

 

“ESP? Uh, yeah, I guess. Anything’s possible.” Jim tilted his head. “Are you having an ESP experience?” he joked.

 

“I do not know,” the Vulcan admitted. “However, I have a very strong feeling that we are making the wrong move, accepting this mission.”

 

Jim mulled that over, realizing the problem. “And you can’t _logically_ call off the mission. There isn’t any data to support your theory.” Jim looked down at his mate. “Hey, can I talk to my husband for a moment?” Spock looked up and nodded. “Don’t freak out on me. Maybe it’s just the newness of the bond. Maybe it’s the fact that Chris is being extra hush-hush about the details of the mission.” He reached down and captured a hand. “But I know you, _t’hy’la_. Feelings be damned, if you knew there was something wrong you would know what to do. You’ve never failed me.”

 

Spock took a deep breath. “You are correct, of course. Perhaps it _is_ merely the recent bonding. I have searched over the materials sent to me by Admiral Pike and I cannot find a single instance to explain my paranoia. Perhaps I merely needed to tell you.”

 

“I instituted that open-door policy for a reason, hon, and I meant it for everyone, but most _especially_ you. You’re my second-in-command. You’re my right hand. If you can’t confide in me, who can?” Jim squeezed the hand before releasing it. “Now, I want you to go back out there and try to relax. We’ve got a while to wait before the last of the crew gets here. Just let yourself get settled back into being Commander Spock. Whatever happens with the Ievanians, we’ll handle it together.”

 

Spock stood and nodded. “Thank you sir. This has been most helpful.” He nodded once more and walked to the door.

 

“Hey Spock!” Jim called out. Spock turned to face him again. “I love you,” Jim whispered.

 

“And I you, _ashayam._ ” Spock walked out the door.


	24. This Is When All Hell Breaks Loose

The intercom whistled again and Jim sighed before standing up again and walking over to answer the call.

 

“Kirk here.”

 

“Unbelievably, sir, tha crew is back on board. Tha last lassie showed up just now. You’re at 100%, Cap’n.” Scotty’s burr was thick, which meant he was extra proud of his work.

 

“Scotty,” Jim spoke low, “that means almost 200 of our crew returned in less than two hours. It doesn’t make sense,” Jim exclaimed.

 

“Aye, sir. Most o’ us were on our way here anyway. Somebody let slip somethin’ about a wedding.” Scotty spoke just as quietly.

 

Jim had an amused look on his face. “So you all came back so you wouldn’t miss it.”

 

“Aye, sir.”

 

“Scotty, because I needed the crew back, I _won’t_ tan the good doctor’s hide for this.” Jim sighed dramatically.

 

Spock had gone down to the mess hall and gotten himself a glass of milk. It was silly, but his mother always insisted it calmed his stomach. Feeling slightly better, he went back up to the bridge. He pulled up the information one more time.

 

Tirealla had been discovered twenty-five years ago. The Prime Directive was invoked until a First Contact crew could go down and study the planet. In its orbit was very little space debris. They had space flight capability, but no species had claimed the planet as their home yet. Once on the surface, the team found small towns in the jungle-like forests. The species seemed peaceful enough. There were no hunting parties; there was little contact with other tribes.

 

When the First Contact team actually _made_ contact, they were delighted to find the people spoke Standard as well as their primary language. They called themselves Ievanians, and had apparently been spying on Federation transmissions for quite some time. They were aware of the First Contact team from the beginning; they merely waited to see if the new arrivals were peaceful or not.

 

Here there was an unusual jump in the report. It seemed as if another writer had taken over. The syntax was different, more stilted. But it stated the First Contact crew informed the Ievanians of the Federation and they were delighted to be invited. The team promised to send diplomats soon.

 

Spock’s eyebrow went up. And here the report ended? That last information was from twenty-five years ago. Why had follow-up been postponed this long? It was highly unusual for Starfleet to let such a travesty pass. Spock made a mental note to brief the away team on the time passage. The long wait could have changed the Ievanians’ minds.

 

A petite Orion in sciences blue approached Spock’s station. “Relief, sir,” she spoke quickly.

 

Spock looked up in confusion. “Relief? I have not been at this station fifteen minutes.”

 

The woman gave a brilliantly white smile and replied, “Captain’s orders, sir.”

 

Spock nodded slowly and signed off his equipment and turned it over to her. “Thank you.” He walked over to the turbolift and got in. He pressed the button for his deck and gave a small smile. His partner was so thoughtful. Giving him relief when he didn’t even stand an entire shift.

 

Spock went into his quarters first and put away his padd. Then he went into the bathroom and knocked on the adjoining door.

 

“Yep,” came the answer, and the door unlocked. Spock walked in and observed his mate reading a book. He had the book rather far in front of him and Spock frowned.

 

“Jim, why will you not get your eyes examined?” Spock came and stood beside him.

 

His embarrassed husband shut the book and tossed it down gently. “Eh. I’m not even thirty yet. If I have to have my eyes corrected I’ll be pissed.”

 

“But it is a relatively easy and simple procedure,” Spock noted. “Dr. McCoy--”

 

“—will not be hearing about this,” Jim finished. That seemed to be the end of that discussion.

 

“So _somebody_ told the crew about a certain wedding,” Jim told his mate. Spock raised an eyebrow. “Yep, so be prepared. People do strange things when presented with good news.” He checked the chronometer. “Care to join me on the bridge? I think we’re ready to get underway.”

 

“Certainly, Captain.” Spock followed him out.

 

On the way through the ship, Jim noticed the crew smiled at them a great deal. Some of the females blushed. Everyone seemed in an extra good mood.

 

“I guess you could say it’s good for crew morale,” he explained to his husband. Spock tilted his head and nodded.

 

They got up on the bridge and went their separate ways. Spock stood behind the science station to check his subordinate’s work. Jim plopped down in the command chair with gusto. He signed in his padd to check the information he had received. Standing, he went over to Chekov’s station.

 

“Hey kid. Need you to get us here, can you do that?” Jim whispered.

 

“Aye, sir.” Chekov’s hand flew over his console. “Course entered, Keptain.”

 

Jim straightened up and stretched his back briefly. “Ahh. Sulu, you’ve got the coordinates. I’d say warp 4 until we get any closer, then we’ll back off a bit.”

 

“Aye aye, sir,” Sulu answered, and with a gentle pressure he pushed the giant ship into motion. The stars froze for a moment, and then bled by in streaks. Jim looked apprehensively at the forward viewscreen for a moment and his quietude drew the pilot’s attention. “Sir?” he questioned softly.

 

Jim seemed to snap out of whatever trance he had been in and slapped Sulu on the back. “Thanks, guys.” He strode back and perched in the center seat. After a moment, a soft chime alerted him to incoming information on his padd and he signed in again and read it. It took him about five minutes, but he reached the end and nodded once. Tapping the button for the intercom, he spoke to his crew.

 

“Okay, everyone, we’re going to be visiting the planet Tirealla. The inhabitants are peaceful and wish to join the Federation. We’re going as a diplomatic envoy. We should be okay in orbit, but I’m going to need everyone to stay sharp. Just do what you always do and be extra awesome,” Jim ended playfully. He smacked the button again and turned to smirk at his bondmate, who had often lamented Jim’s laid-back style with the crew. However, Spock was not in a playful mood. He did not even turn around as he always did; he simply remained seated at his post with his back to Jim. Jim frowned for a moment.

 

“Arrival in fifteen minutes, Captain,” Sulu interrupted Jim’s thoughts.

 

“Drop down to warp one,” Jim replied distantly. He was still staring at the science station and its unresponsive occupant.

 

“Warp one, aye, Captain,” Sulu answered crisply and eased the throttle control back. Chekov waved to get his shipmate’s attention and then pointed back silently to the brooding captain. Sulu followed Jim’s gaze and looked back to Chekov and shrugged. He didn’t know what went on in his captain’s chaotic mind. Maybe they’d had a fight or something.

 

A green planet with small patches of brown came into view. “Standard orbit,” Jim called. The ship assumed orbit and the crew began to get nervous about their assignment. Jim looked over at Spock. “Commander, have you selected an away team?”

 

Spock turned and nodded. “Yes, sir. We have two communications officers, a security officer, and the esteemed Dr. McCoy has requested to be included in the--” Spock broke off and made a small face “--‘hoedown’, as he put it.”

 

Jim grinned. “Awesome. Let’s do this.” He punched the intercom button. “Dr. McCoy to the transporter room.” He stood up and clapped his hands. “Let’s go everybody!”

 

Scotty told them the beamdown point was on the edge of the main village. When they materialized, there were four very tall, very slender beings standing in front of them. Whether they were male or female wasn’t apparent. Jim stepped forward.

 

“Greetings. I am Captain James T. Kirk of the USS _Enterprise_.”

 

“Welcome, Captain, to you and your crew. The people of Tirealla are pleased by your visit.” The one on the far right raised its arm. There was no hand, no fingers, just an arm that ended in a point.

 

The one on the far left approached Jim quickly. Jim didn’t miss the subtle shift of the security guard moving closer.

 

“Please may we communicate?” it asked Jim.

 

Jim nodded. “Of course.” He turned to introduce the communications specialist when the world went black.

 

The rest of the crew saw their captain fall boneless to the ground. Commander Spock moved forward but the other three Ievanians moved forward too.

 

“Do not disturb. There is communication,” one spoke.

 

Jim’s breathing grew erratic and he began to convulse. Spock tried to move forward again and one Ievanian struck him hard, knocking him backward. The other officers drew their phasers.

 

“There is communication,” another Ievanian chimed in.

 

Spock’s eyes narrowed. “You are in telepathic communication with the captain?” The security officer helped him stand and he drew his phaser.

 

“Much information,” declared one.

 

“You are causing distress to the captain,” Spock objected as calmly as possible. “He cannot withstand your communication. Please cease.”

 

“No.” The Ievanians all answered at once.

 

Spock took a deep breath and examined his bond with Jim. It was blocked at the other end. He became greatly concerned. Jim’s condition was not improving; it seemed to be deteriorating by the minute. The captain’s skin was a dusky color and his breathing was labored and inconsistent. After nearly two full minutes of this, Jim went deathly still. The Ievanians moved back.

 

“Thank you for communication,” they began, but McCoy was already in motion.

 

“Dammit, what the hell did you do?” McCoy hollered. The other beings did not respond. McCoy waved the tricorder over the motionless form. “Shit. He’s cyanotic and I think he’s in ventricular fibrillation. We’ve got to get him back to the ship, Spock.”

 

Spock turned to one of the beings before him. His eyes were flame. “We are not prepared to interact with you. A different envoy will be sent at another time.” He flipped the communicator open quickly. “Mr. Scott, six to beam aboard, medical emergency.”

 

As the group began to dematerialize, Spock shot one last look at the Ievanians. He was angry. He was _furious,_ but he wasn’t sure at whom. He came back into form on the ship and moved immediately to help Dr. McCoy. The trauma team came rushing in with a gurney. Spock and McCoy lifted the limp body and set it down carefully. McCoy began calling out medical jargon as the group moved to the hall, headed for Sickbay.

 

Spock stood stricken, staring after his husband. Something in his mind was screaming that he had to take command; that he had to contact Starfleet and advise them of the developments. But all he could do was feel the empty place in his mind where Jim’s mind had been.

 

In Sickbay, there was a flurry of activity. Jim was placed on a biobed and cut free of his uniform. They placed the conductor pads on his chest and started the cardiac monitor. It gave a rapid series of beeps and suddenly Jim’s body convulsed once.

 

“Come on, kid, you can do it,” McCoy whispered. He kept his eyes glued to the monitor. The machine gave off another shock and Jim jerked. The heartbeat was still irregular. McCoy grabbed a hypo of epinephrine and emptied it into the still body. Again, there was another shock. Finally, after three minutes, the machine began to give a steady beeping rhythm and the medical crew gave a sigh of relief.

 

“Okay, we need to hook him up to oxygen and I want every monitor this side of the Milky Way on him.” McCoy turned and pointed to Nurse Chapel. “I need you to go find the hobgoblin. We may need him,” he insisted. The nurse nodded and left quickly. The doctor went back and brushed back his friend’s bangs. “Oh, Jim, what did they do to you?”

 


	25. Off We Go, Into The Wild Blue Yonder

Spock was in the Briefing Room, waiting for his call to Starfleet Command to be answered. Finally it connected. Admiral Pike’s secretary answered.

 

“Admiral Pike.” She was brief.

 

“I need to speak with the admiral,” Spock began.

 

“Who is calling?” the secretary asked.

 

“Commander Spock, USS _Enterprise_. Please inform the admiral this is an emergency.” Spock gritted his teeth and waited for the call to connect again. Then the secretary returned.

 

“Admiral Pike is in a meeting. May he return your call?” She was not apologetic.

 

Spock began to object when the door slid open and Nurse Chapel stood in the doorway. He shook his head. “I will call at another time.” He ended the call and walked to the woman. “Jim?” he asked in a whisper.

 

“He’s alive,” she responded softly. “Dr. McCoy needs you in Sickbay.” She looked at him with her crystal blue eyes full of unshed tears.

 

Spock was torn. He was in command. But Jim needed him. He had to stay with the ship. But he could give command to Scotty. Spock turned the problem over in his head and was about to answer when the Chief Engineer came up behind the nurse.

 

“Sir, you’ll be wantin’ to be with tha cap’n, now. I’ll take over up here.” He jerked his head back to the turbolift.

 

Spock felt a wave of relief go through him and nodded to the two. “Very well. Mr. Scott, I give you the conn. I will be in Sickbay.” Scotty went onto the bridge, and Nurse Chapel followed the Vulcan to the turbolift.

 

“He’s unconscious, on oxygen and on both a cardiac monitor and an EEG. Dr. McCoy will be starting two IVs; one for anticonvulsants, the other to keep his liquids up.” The nurse briefed the commander as they walked through the halls. “He’ll appear a bit blue to you; that will go away as his oxygen levels rise.” They got to Sickbay and she motioned to the Intensive Care ward. “In there, sir.”

 

Jim was not a small man. He stood six foot one inch tall and weighed a healthy 180 pounds. But right now, with all the machinery surrounding him and clothed in only a medical gown, he looked small and fragile. Spock stood outside his room, looking in. He heard steps beside him but did not look.

 

“You can go in, you know,” came the Southern voice.

 

“I do not wish to cause further harm,” Spock whispered.

 

The doctor motioned Spock over to the other side of the room and pointed to the EEG reading. “Have you ever seen anything like that before? Is that from the bond?” the doctor demanded.

 

Spock studied the readout for a moment before shaking his head. “I do not recognize that pattern. It is not a result of the bond.” He walked up to the bed and rested his fingers on Jim’s. “Is he in pain?” the Vulcan asked.

 

McCoy shook his head. “Not that we can tell. Can you tell anything, you know, whatever mind voodoo you all have?” The doctor’s words were lighthearted but the hope behind them was real.

 

Spock sighed. “The bond has been blocked somehow. I cannot sense him at all.”

 

Suddenly there was a clamor of alarms and McCoy shot forward. “Chris, get in here!” he yelled for his head nurse. Several more medical personnel entered and Spock was pushed out into the main bay. Spock watched as the officers stood back and a shock was administered. Jim’s body flopped weakly. The regular tone returned and the nurses stood back.

 

McCoy came out and shook his head. “Whatever the hell they did to him, it’s about to kill him. It’s like his body just keeps shutting down.” The doctor turned to whisper to the commander. “I really don’t know what to do. I’m scared shitless.”

 

“You cannot help him?” Spock asked incredulously.

 

“You can’t help what you can’t see, Spock,” posed the weary doctor. “His body, for the most part, is fine. It’s his brain that’s going haywire.” A nurse walked up and handed a padd to the doctor. He read it quickly and nodded. “I’ve got to go. I don’t know what to tell you Spock. Pray, if you believe in anything. That’s all there is to do right now.”

 

Spock watched the doctor leave and then walked back into the room. There was a chair in the corner and he dragged it over to the bed. He sat by his husband’s side and took a hand, careful of the IV taped to it.

 

“Jim,” Spock began, and his voice cracked. “Jim, I need you to come back.” He repeated the words he remembered his captain saying to him before. “You are safe now. Please come back. Come back, Captain.” There was no change. Spock stood and raised a hand slowly to Jim’s temple, and then stopped.

 

“That may actually help,” a voice called out. Spock looked back to see Dr. M’Benga at the door. “He isn’t responding to medical treatment. You may be able to reach him that way.” Then the doctor turned and left the two alone.

 

Spock turned back and completed the gesture. He spoke under his breath and entered the mind of his beloved.

 

_What he found was complete and utter chaos. There was no definition, no structure. Thoughts, memories, and dreams all swirled around Spock like a tornado. He shielded his eyes and searched for a sign of his companion. In the darkness, there was a brief flash of light and Spock tried to capture it, but it eluded him. He waited for another five minutes before giving up._

 

He drew himself out of the meld. “Any luck?” someone asked, and Spock turned to face both Dr. McCoy and Dr. M’Benga.

 

Spock shook his head. “The trauma is greater than I anticipated. It is beyond my ability. He needs an expert.”

 

M’Benga pointed backwards in explanation. “The closest psychic experts I know of are back on New Vulcan.”

 

“Agreed,” Spock answered. “I will contact Starfleet and advise them of our plans.” He laid his hand on Jim’s chest for a moment before walking away.

 

“Poor hobgoblin,” commented Dr. McCoy.

 

“He’s actually handling it better than I expected,” M’Benga replied. At his coworker’s glance he continued. “When a bond is threatened or disrupted, it throws both parties into turmoil. Commander Spock’s bond to his mate is so new that any change is dramatically felt.” The dark skinned man looked over at Jim’s body. “It’s amazing he’s even coherent.”

 

Back on the bridge, Spock had requested another connection to Admiral Pike’s office. He had decided he would contact Admiral Nogura next if he couldn’t get through here. He waited for the call to connect in the Briefing Room. Finally the screen showed the same secretary.

  
“Admiral Pike.” She was just as short this time. Maybe that was all she knew to say.

 

“I need to speak with the admiral.” Spock took a deep breath.

 

“Who is calling?”

 

“Commander Spock, USS _Enterprise._ This is still an emergency.” He blew the breath out silently. The screen went blank for a moment before being replaced with the admiral’s craggy face.

 

“Spock! How are things going?” Pike was jovial as usual.

 

Something in Spock snapped. He leaned forward into the monitor and growled. “You sent us in with inadequate information. Whether you were ignorant or purposely withheld what we needed does not matter now.” Spock pointed out across the room. “Captain Kirk is gravely injured. This mission cannot be completed. I request permission to take him to New Vulcan to be examined.”

 

Pike paled and became nervous. “He’s hurt? What happened, Spock?”

 

Spock did not clarify. “Do we have your permission to take the captain to New Vulcan?”

 

Pike shook his head. “No, Spock. If you can’t complete the mission I need you to go to Starbase 15 for debriefing.”

  
Spock opened his mouth, and then shut it. He tried again. “Admiral, perhaps I have not been precise. The captain is severely injured and needs immediate assistance. Assistance that is found closest on New Vulcan.”

 

“We’ve got people at the starbase who can look at him Spock.” Pike was dismissive.

 

There was a cracking noise as Spock’s left hand broke a piece of the table edge off. “Admiral, I must strenuously object. The captain needs specialized assistance from a telepathic healer. Any delay will be detrimental. I am requesting orders to New Vulcan.”

 

“Out of the question, Commander. Report to Starbase 15. Pike out.” The screen changed to the confirmation logo and Spock slammed a fist down on the console. The poor equipment sparked before dying. Slowly, Spock began to regain his composure. A plan formed in his mind and he strode out to the bridge.

 

Spock went to the captain’s chair but did not sit. He pressed the button for the intercom.

 

“Attention crew. We have received orders from Admiral Pike to report to Starbase 15. I have objected strongly and requested to take Captain Kirk to New Vulcan so that he may be given the necessary treatment for his life-threatening injury. I was denied.” Spock took a soft breath. “I am therefore going to disobey a direct order and take the ship to New Vulcan regardless. If any of you objects to this action inform me and I will note it in the ship’s log.” He shut off the intercom and looked around the bridge.

 

The bridge crew looked back at their temporary leader. No one moved. Finally Lieutenant Uhura stood up from her console.

 

“Commander, I believe I speak for the bridge crew when I say we trust you completely and would follow you anywhere.” Uhura sat back down.

 

“Heading entered for New Wulcan,” Chekov called.

 

“Engage, sir?” Sulu added.

 

Spock looked around the bridge one last time and then focused back on the pilot. “Warp 4, Mr. Sulu. Be prepared for an increase of speed.”

 

“Aye, sir, warp 4.” Sulu moved the lever and the ship took off.

 

Spock folded his hands behind his back and stared forlorn at the center chair. Was he doing the right thing? He wished he could speak to his mate. No matter what happened, Spock had made his bed with this move. He may never serve on a ship again, but Jim would live.

 

“Sir?” Sulu had gotten up from his position and now stood beside the Vulcan. “I will accept the conn if you want to go back to Sickbay.”

 

Spock blinked in surprise, and then nodded once. “Very well, Lieutenant. You have the conn.” He began to walk off the bridge.

  
“Sir?” Chekov called out uncertainly. The older man turned around again. “Please tell ze Keptain to get better.”

 

“I will, Mr. Chekov.” Spock entered the lift.

 


	26. Take A Moment To Grieve

Spock stopped off at his quarters on impulse. He checked the chronometer. It was seven at night on New Vulcan. Who should he call? He knew either man would answer. He called his father first.

 

The line was connected after nearly four minutes. “Yes?” Sarek remarked softly.

 

“Father.” Spock felt his throat tighten and he fought back his emotions. “There has been an incident.”

 

Sarek turned on the light on the desk and stared at the monitor. “James?” His voice was stronger now.

 

“He has been telepathically violated. He is comatose and his vital signs are failing.” Spock tried to keep his report as factual as possible but he felt his heart hammering in his side. “I am disobeying direct orders and bringing him to New Vulcan to reach a healer. Will you help us?”

 

“When do you estimate your arrival?” Sarek began to pull on a jacket.

 

“We are at warp 4. I will increase that to warp 6 momentarily. I estimate no more than two hours to your orbit.” Spock looked at his parent and whispered, “Father…”

 

Sarek stopped moving and focused on the screen. “I know, my son. Be strong. I am contacting Ambassador Solion. We will do everything we can for your mate. Keep us informed.”

 

“Thank you,” Spock responded before closing the connection. He took a rare vulnerable moment to let a sob out before clearing his throat and taking several deep breaths. When he was steady again, he returned to Sickbay.

 

The scene hadn’t changed much in the past hour. Spock stopped Nurse Chapel as she crossed the bay and asked her a silent question. She shook her head. Spock nodded and went on to the room.

 

Dr. McCoy was seated in the chair, speaking to Jim softly. He stopped when he heard the footsteps behind him.

  
“Hey. I was just telling your spouse here that I lost good money when you two tied the knot. I was figuring you’d kill each other first.” McCoy sniffed and patted Jim’s hand. “Your main squeeze is here. I’ll talk to you later, bro.” The doctor walked past Spock and hesitated for a moment. “Keep talking to him, Spock. No one has ever figured out if patients in comas can hear the outside world. But it might make you _both_ feel better.”

 

Spock nodded mutely and took his seat. He slipped his fingers beneath Jim’s palm and wrapped them around the other side.

 

“Jim,” he began, and once more had to stop to allow a torrent of emotion to pass. “I wish you would wake up, Jim. You know how I dislike being left in command when you are injured.” He sighed and laid his other hand on top of the same hand. “I did what you would have, _ashayam._ I disregarded the orders and did what I thought was best.”

 

Spock raised the hand carefully and pressed a kiss to the knuckles. “Father is making arrangements as we speak for a healer to meet us. He is concerned for you.” Spock gave a small smile. “I am aware that Ambassador Solion will be unsettled as well. You are close to him.” He took a shaky breath. “The crew is behind us completely, Jim. Not one person objected to my plan. To _our_ plan. I know somehow you would have approved.”

 

There was a change in the monitor and a small alarm sounded. Within seconds Dr. McCoy was back, checking the equipment. Spock looked up at him, concerned. The doctor shook his head. “His oximetry reading dropped for a moment. He’s alright.” Spock nodded and the other man left again.

 

“I never should have let you go down there,” Spock began finally. He looked around the room. “I had such a strong impression that this was not a safe mission, but I had nothing to substantiate my claims.” He reached up and rubbed his fingertips across Jim’s brow. “I do not know how I will ever be able to let you leave the ship again.” The joke echoed in the room and he looked down.

 

“If I was wrong, please return to consciousness and correct me. I will take whatever punishment you see fit.” He placed his hand near Jim’s heart, mindful of the wires already there. “If I was right, would you see fit to tell me that as well? I would appreciate hearing either way from you.”

 

Spock suddenly bent over at the bed and placed his head on Jim’s abdomen. He whispered “My mother used to sing to me when I was small and sick. Would you like me to sing to you, Jim?” He nodded and in a small voice began to sing “ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray…”_

 

Outside, in the main medical bay, all the personnel paused in their work. Their heads turned to the Intensive Care ward and the gentle tenor voice echoing in there. Nurse Chapel broke into soft sobs and ran out of the room. Dr. McCoy made the sign of the cross and looked up hopefully. Then the moment passed and movement resumed.

 

About an hour later, Spock emerged from the room and walked out of the Sickbay. He was headed back to the bridge. He entered the turbolift and pressed the destination button hard. If he had any qualms about his actions before, they were gone now. He was completely at peace with his decision. He walked out onto the bridge and motioned to Lieutenant Sulu.

 

“Increase speed to warp 6. Mr. Chekov, estimated time to New Vulcan?” Spock spoke crisply.

 

“Current ETA thirty-five minutes at varp 6.” Chekov looked at Spock and raised his eyebrows in question. Spock shook his head.

 

“There is no change, Ensign.” Spock looked back at Uhura, who was turned away from her station and filing her nails. “Is there any word from Starfleet Command, Lieutenant Uhura?”

 

She blew the dust off her fingers before rubbing the tips against her uniform top. “Maybe,” she began cryptically.

 

Spock came closer. “And?”

 

Uhura made a face and shrugged. “Maybe we’re having a communications failure. They’ll have to get back to us.”

 

“They have ordered us to continue to Starbase 15.” Spock was slightly amused.

 

“They can kiss my grits,” she retorted, and the rest of the bridge cracked up. “Sir,” she amended.

 

Spock closed his eyes for a moment. “I will have to brief the captain on the crew’s actions during this crisis.” The communications console gave off a chirp and Uhura placed the earpiece in her ear for a moment before tossing it aside casually. “Starfleet Command again?” Spock ventured. She gave an evil smile. “I believe the captain would say, ‘Give them hell, Uhura’.” His imitation of their leader brought smiles to their faces.

 

He started to leave when another Jim moment came to him and he paused. “If you would like to take turns visiting the captain in Sickbay you may arrange for your relief to take over momentarily.” This announcement really thrilled the crew and they began to place notices to their respective reliefs. Spock decided to stay on the bridge after all.

 

They drew straws and Chekov went first. The young navigator crept into Jim’s room and stood cautiously at his bedside.

 

“Hello, Keptain.” He swallowed and looked up at the medical monitors. He was a brilliant physicist in his own right but he couldn’t decipher what the graphs and lines meant. He glanced back down. “Ve are headed to New Wulcan. But you probably already knew this.” He came a little closer. “Meester Spock is being wery brave. You vould be wery proud of him.” There was a sudden loud _bee-boop_ and Chekov gave a start.

  
Dr. M’Benga stuck his head in. “Oh. His IV is empty. I’ll change that in a second.” Then he disappeared again.

 

Chekov dragged his toe across the floor before continuing. “Ve are all so happy about you and ze Commander. Vhen Sulu told me I vas wery excited. I think you vill make each other wery happy.” Chekov looked up again. “Please get better so ve can plan ze second ceremony. It vould make ze crew so happy.” He watched for any sign that the captain heard him. When there was no response, he shrugged. “Get better soon, sir. Ve are all rooting for you.” With that he left the room.

 

Dr. M’Benga came in and switched out the empty IV bag. As he did so, he glanced over the monitors. He paused when he got to the EEG.

 

“Hey, McCoy, get in here.” M’Benga called out across the med bay. Everyone looked up in alarm, and McCoy came running.

 

“What is it, Matt?” McCoy was breathless from anticipation. M’Benga gestured to the EEG reading and McCoy _hummed_ softly. “That’s an improvement. What did you do?”

 

M’Benga shook his head. “I didn’t do anything. The Russian kid just left though.”

 

McCoy narrowed his eyes, pleased. “So Spock’s having the bridge crew visit their intrepid leader. Taking a page out of the rascal’s playbook. Good for you, Spock! Keep monitoring the readout after every visit. I want to see if you notice a trend.”

 

Uhura was next. She walked into the med bay confidently and headed for Intensive Care. She sat primly in the seat next to the bed.

 

“So. You can’t go a single day without some fantastic event happening. You tell us you’re not leaving the ship, then you go off with Spock, and the next thing we know you’re married.” She flipped her ponytail and laid her hand gently on his. “But we could have done without this latest stunt. Why do you insist on being the resident guinea pig for every mission?” Uhura sighed and squeezed his hand. “You’re driving your husband insane, I hope you know that. He’s never been thrilled at you being in the landing parties, and now he’s _really_ going to clamp down. You may never leave the ship again,” she unconsciously paraphrased the Commander.

 

Finally she took a deep breath. “Come back to us, Kirk. Spock’s great but it’s just not the same without you.” She laughed gently. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the bridge just isn’t the same without your smiling face.” She stood up and leaned over to kiss his forehead. “You’re in my prayers, sir. See you soon.” With that she left the room, her perfume lingering behind her.

 

M’Benga crept in silently after Uhura left and checked the monitor again. He smiled softly and nodded, and then left again.

 

Uhura walked back on the bridge and gave a thumbs up to Sulu, who motioned for his relief to take his station. He headed down to the Sickbay with a hopeful expression. When he got there, he looked around a bit before an orderly pointed him to the tiny Intensive Care wing. Sulu walked in softly and looked around. He whistled low.

 

“Boy, they’ve got you hooked up six ways to Sunday,” the pilot began. He felt kind of silly talking to someone who wouldn’t respond, but if it would help…. He began again. “So, I got to do some really kick-ass stuff on what little break I had. I learned a new _kata_ ; I was hoping to show it to you when we all got back. Guess I just didn’t get the chance.” He realized how dark that sounded and corrected it. “Yet. I’m sure we’ll make time soon.”

 

He stood with his hands resting on the chair. “Scotty called me and told me you had gotten married. I accused him of hitting the hooch too hard. Could’ve knocked me over with a feather when he told me it came straight from Dr. McCoy.” Sulu smiled. “I’m really happy for you sir. For both of you. Now that I think about it, it’s so freaking obvious. I just know you’re going to have a million years of love together.” He turned serious again. “But you’re going to have to get out of here. So I’m issuing the challenge, Captain. Get your ass out of this bed and get back to being the best damn captain in the Fleet.” He saluted on impulse. “I’ll be waiting.” With that he strode out.

 

A stealthy form snuck into the room. Again, a nod and a smile. The plan seemed to be working.

 

After the bridge crew had visited, the Chief Engineer showed up. Not being one to darken the doors of Sickbay unless it was an emergency, it was a surprise to see him. McCoy walked up to him.

 

“Scotty! Are you okay?” The doctor looked him over.

 

“Aye, sir. I’ve come ta see tha cap’n.” He looked around hopefully. McCoy hid a smile.

 

“He’s in Intensive Care, right over there. Go talk to him. I’m sure it will cheer him up.” McCoy gave him a gentle nudge and walked away.

 

Scotty walked over hesitantly to the room and stuck his head in. There were quiet beeps and whistles sounding, but otherwise the room was still. He came in and stood by the bedside, his hands clasped in front of him.

 

“Afternoon, sir. How are ya?” Scotty paused for a moment. “I know things are a wee bit dodgy now, but we’ll get ya right as rain again, laddie. Mr. Spock is doin’ a bang-up job tellin’ those Starfleet stuffed shirts what to go do with themselves.” He looked around the room conspicuously. “I really ought not be tellin’ ya this, but if Mr. Spock hadn’t told off tha brass, I would ‘ave.” The engineer twisted his hands for a moment. “Tha ship needs her cap’n back, sir. You’ve just got ta come back.” With that he turned and walked out of the room.

 

Both McCoy and M’Benga walked in this time and checked the monitor. M’Benga pointed to one readout. “See? After each visit his higher functions have seemed to stabilize.”

 

“It’s a good thing, Matt. Maybe it won’t be such a long shot when we get him to the Vulcans.” The doctors left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene in Sickbay was inspired by a M*A*S*H episode I saw as a child. The visiting scenes were reminiscent of different soaps I've watched.


	27. The Family Strikes Back

The ship dropped out of warp smoothly. “Standard orbit,” Spock called from the center chair. Chekov entered the data. “Mr. Scott to the bridge,” Spock paged the engineer.

 

Scotty came up right away and Spock gestured to the bridge. “You have command, Mr. Scott. Dr. McCoy and I will be on the planet’s surface with the captain.”

 

“Good luck, sir,” the Scotsman called.

 

“Good luck!” echoed the bridge crew.

 

McCoy and M’Benga had loaded the captain on an antigrav stretcher and brought him to the transporter room. They had disconnected the IVs and the EEG but the cardiac monitor remained. Spock watched its readout for a moment before nodding to the transporter officer. They got the stretcher on the pads and took their positions before Spock called out and they were sent to the surface.

 

The three were met by a rather large group of Vulcans. They were taken aback for a moment. It appeared Jim and Spock’s entire clan had shown up. Finally, Spock stepped forward.

 

“Who will be assuming care for my mate?” The Vulcan’s voice was steady and strong.

 

Two women stepped forward. “We accept responsibility for your mate in his infirmity.” Dr. McCoy guided the stretcher to them and the three moved it to an awaiting vehicle. McCoy waved at Spock and showed him his communicator before they sped off.

 

Ambassadors Sarek and Solion stepped forward. “Commander, we would like to have an account of the events that led to this tragedy.”

 

Spock nodded. “I will explain to you both.” They walked off to the waiting aircar. Instead of going to one of their residences, Sarek took them to the embassy. They parked at the building and all three walked in the door. The aides walking through the building paused and lowered their heads, giving the _ta’al_ in respect to Spock’s crisis. Spock swallowed hard.

 

They entered Sarek’s office and he shut the door. He walked to his desk and activated the intercom.

 

“Samera, I am not to be disturbed unless the healers call.” He cut off the box and turned to his son and his counterpart. “Be seated.” They sat uneasily.

 

“Begin, child,” Sarek ordered not unkindly.

 

Spock thought back. “The sealed orders that brought the two of us back from our visit here were merely instructions to contact Admiral Pike personally. When Jim did so, Admiral Pike gave us the information for a diplomatic envoy to a planet named Tirealla.” He paused and looked for acknowledgment from his companions. Sarek looked mystified but Solion’s eyes narrowed.

 

Spock paused painfully. “I am not supposed to be revealing any of this. However, my instinct tells me something was not proper with the orders. I find reason to question their validity now.”

 

“Tell us more,” Sarek invited, taking out a padd and beginning to make notes. Spock cleared his throat.

 

“The Ievanians were reported to be advanced beings, peaceful and interested in joining the Federation. I first became concerned when the limited material Admiral Pike sent to us indicated the last contact with the race had been twenty-five years ago.”

 

“Nothing after First Contact,” Solion murmured. Then he shook his head and gestured for Spock to continue.

 

“Jim was instructed as to what he could and could not tell the crew. All he was allowed to say was that we were on a diplomatic mission to a peaceful people.” Spock gritted his teeth. “We beamed down and were met by four Ievanians. Their first question was a request for ‘communication’. Jim must have thought they wanted to speak in their native tongue and turned to speak to the communications expert. He then collapsed to the ground.”

 

Spock became pale and trembled slightly as he recalled the next events. “Jim’s breathing became erratic and weak, and he began to experience seizures. The Ievanians informed me they were in telepathic communication with the captain. I attempted to reach him through the bond, only to find it blocked at his end. When I attempted to aid the captain I was struck back.” Spock broke off and began again roughly. “The seizures continued for approximately two minutes before the Ievanians released him and he became still.”

 

Spock looked at his father. “Dr. McCoy needed to beam back with Jim, so I called for all six of us to be beamed aboard. The doctor rushed Jim to Sickbay. Jim was experiencing cardiac arrest and was unresponsive for three minutes before the medical team revived him.” Sarek took a deep breath and nodded for his son to continue. “Jim went in a coma. I attempted to meld with him to ascertain the damage, and found his psyche to be completely in disarray. I thought I made contact with him at one point in the meld, but could not verify it.”

 

Spock looked down. “And now he is in this condition. There has been small improvement but nothing significant. He remains in a coma. I do not believe I have the ability to fix what the Ievanians did to him.” The last statement was low and jagged with sorrow.

 

“You disobeyed a direct order in order to bring Captain Kirk here. What were your orders?” Sarek asked.

 

“We were to report to Starbase 15 for debriefing.” Spock’s voice was hard.

 

Sarek made a note and looked up at Solion. “Can we place the entire crew of the _Enterprise_ under political asylum until we have made further progress?”

 

Solion nodded thoughtfully. “I will do so now.” He got up and walked out of the room.

 

“Who gave your last orders?” Sarek questioned.

 

“All our orders for this mission came directly from Admiral Pike.” Spock was curious.

 

“No other admirals were involved in the mission or the briefing?” Sarek’s words were sharp.

 

“I do not know.” Spock watched as his father’s face shifted.

 

“At any time did you question the validity of your orders?” the older Vulcan asked.

 

Spock hesitated for a moment. “Yes. I questioned them from the beginning. However, as Jim said, I had no data to back up my theories. I could not refuse the orders without solid proof.”

 

“Did Captain Kirk question the orders?”

 

“He called them, and I quote, ‘hinky’. But he could not argue with them without just cause either.” Spock’s face fell. “He left the final decision up to me. If I did not think the mission was safe, we would not beam down. I failed him.”

 

Sarek stopped writing and put the padd on his desk. He stood swiftly and crossed the room to his son. “Child, you have done no such thing. You both followed the last legal orders given to you. You were inadequately briefed and poorly prepared. This mission was doomed from the beginning; however it is not your fault.”

 

Spock’s communicator chirped and he opened it. “Spock.”

 

“ _Spock, it’s McCoy. The healers think they’ve reached an impasse and need you over here. They said you’ve been here before. Does that ring any bells?”_ McCoy’s voice crackled.

 

“Indeed. I will be there shortly.” Spock looked up at his father. “My mate needs me,” he began, and Sarek nodded.

 

“I will take you there personally.” The two stopped at the main room to find Solion at a computer terminal. Sarek whispered their intentions and Solion nodded. They set off to the same healer’s compound Spock had visited not four days ago.

 

Spock got out of the aircar and walked up the path slowly. For the first time, he noticed the flowers lining the walkway. Their scent wafted through the air. Spock experienced a small feeling of déjà vu. He shivered and walked in the building.

 

There was another woman sitting at the desk, but she expected him. “Spock? Enter the treatment room on the right.” She pointed down the hall.

 

Spock walked down the hall and knocked softly on the door. For a moment he expected to hear Jim’s voice calling ‘Enter’ but then he realized that was impossible. A female voice answered in Vuhlkansu and Spock walked in.

 

Jim was placed on a table in the center of the room. Incense had been lit and was burning on the counter. They had covered Jim with a blanket; they must have thought he would be cold in just the hospital gown. Spock sighed. Jim would have found that funny. Him cold on New Vulcan. Spock crossed to the healer at the top of the table.

 

“What can I do to assist?” he asked softly. She looked up from her concentration and nodded.

 

“You are his _sa-_ _telsu_?” She asked if he was Jim’s husband. Spock nodded. “We have re-ordered his psyche as best we can. His essence remains trapped, however. Without rejoining his mind, his body will continue to fail.” She looked peacefully at Spock. “We propose for you to meld with him, and we will monitor you from outside.”

 

Spock paled. “I am not skilled enough,” he began.

 

“Skill is not the key. Familiarity is. Your mate craves safety. You can provide that to him.” The healer blinked at Spock.

 

Spock regarded his mate for a moment before nodding his head. “Very well. I will do so.” He walked to the top of the table and positioned his fingers over Jim’s psi points. He eased into his mind.


	28. Too Deep To Surface

_It was not so chaotic now. However, it was dark. So dark. The brightness, the laughter, the life that was James T. Kirk was not there. Spock searched the dusk for that flash of light he had seen before._

 

“ _Jim?” he called out. He began to recite the statement from earlier. “You are safe now. It is over. Come back to me, Jim. Come back.”_

 

_There was a streak of light and laughter that sped past Spock. In its wake was the unusual scent of maple syrup. Spock looked around cautiously. “Jim?”_

 

_A memory floated to the surface, and Spock watched it carefully._

 

_Jim was eleven. He was seated at the kitchen table, eating waffles, when he heard his stepfather coming through the house._

 

“ _I’m going to polish my baby. I can just imagine the stupid little shit putting his grimy fingers on it. One of these days I'm going to teach him a lesson.”_

 

_That car meant more to Don than Jim or Sam, or even their mother. He would let the world do its worst to them, but he would protect that car. Jim put down the fork and snuck outside._

 

_The keys were in the ignition. Jim slipped into the driver’s seat and started the engine. It roared to life and he threw it into gear. Spinning out of the driveway, he headed for the main road. He felt free, and he felt like he was making his father proud. He didn’t even hesitate when his stepfather called and demanded that he return home. He was truly free. Suddenly he heard police behind him. The officer pulled up and ordered him to pull over._

 

_Instead, Jim slid onto the road leading to the quarry. He continued to accelerate, breaking through the chain link fence at the end of the road. The wind was in his hair, the engine was roaring, and for a brief moment Jim closed his eyes and imagined he was actually with his father. The moment passed and Jim realized he was headed for the edge of the cliff. Time slowed and the thoughts went through his head:_

 

_Stay?_

 

_Go?_

 

_Live?_

 

_Die?_

 

_He took a breath and slammed on the brakes, skidding the car to the edge as he jumped clear. He almost went over the edge with the car._

 

_The officer asked him his name._

 

“ _MY NAME IS JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK!”_

 

_The memory ended and Spock was left alone again. Such an intense memory. Did Jim mean to share that with him? Spock tried again. “Jim? Will you return to me?”_

 

_There was the sound of singing and the light sped by Spock again. This time he smelled candles burning._

 

_The memory came up suddenly. Jim was twenty-two; it was his birthday. For the first time, he was actually going to celebrate instead of mourn. His eyes were covered by small, delicate hands._

 

“ _Make a wish, Jimmy.” The woman whispered in his ear._

 

_Wish? What to wish for? Long life. Love. A captaincy of his own. No. Love. Love forever with her._

 

“ _Carol, don’t make me wait all night.”_

 

_Her hands moved and he saw—_

 

_\--the rain outside as he searched the apartment for any sign of her. A note. Anything. She couldn’t have just left without saying goodbye. Jim sat on the edge of her bed and felt the tears track down his face. She was gone. She had left him. It was over._

 

_Tomorrow was his birthday. He would be twenty-three._

 

_The memory faded and Spock took a deep breath, steadying himself from the pain. So that was Carol. Jim had loved her deeply. Why did she leave? Especially without saying goodbye?_

 

“ _Are you afraid I will do that too, t’hy’la?”_

 

_The brightness passed behind Spock and there was a steady beeping noise. He smelled antiseptics._

 

_Sickbay was bright and noisy, but all Jim could focus on was the body on the bed in front of him._

 

“ _He’s in a healing trance. You might as well come back later.”_

 

“ _No. I’m staying.” Jim stood by the bedside, barely registering when someone brought him a chair._

 

_He looked at the still form. There were green lacerations all over the usually flawless skin. Forest green bruises were forming in several places. The left wrist was held in a splint, after having been regenerated. But that beautiful chest kept rising and falling, right on time. Jim sighed and held his hand._

 

“ _Spock, I’m so sorry. You were right; we shouldn’t have gone any further when we passed the beamdown perimeter. You’re always right. I need you so much, Spock. Please don’t leave me alone. I can’t do this by myself. I miss your steady nature, and I miss your humor. Yes, you have a sense of humor. I miss your company. I miss your reassuring presence at my side. Please come back Spock.” Jim lowered his head on the bed. “I love you,” he whispered._

 

_The EEG monitor jumped for a brief second._

 

_The memory ended, and Spock looked around again. “You are frightened of being abandoned. But why, ashayam? What cause have I given you to fear my leaving?”_

 

_Another memory surfaced, but this was a very recent one. He was in a mind meld with an alien entity._

 

“ _You fool,” it mocked. “You dare mate with your subordinate? You are weak, and he will not stay with you. Do yourself a favor and leave him now.”_

 

“ _No,” Jim answered confidently. “My mate is faithful and true to me. Your words are false.”_

 

_The being reached with a cancerous hand into the bond between Jim and Spock. “See if this is false,” it cackled, and yanked with all its might on the bond. It began slashing at Jim’s psyche with one clawed hand while attempting to dislodge the bond with the other. Jim fought back as long as he could._

 

“ _Spock!” he cried. But there was no answer. The bond was blocked. Why had he blocked the bond?_

 

“ _Oh, ashayam,” Spock breathed. “I did not block our connection. The Ievanians did. I tried to reach you too.”_

 

_The memory faded and a five year old Jim stood before Spock in the meld._

 

“ _Say it!” he demanded._

 

“ _Say what?” Spock questioned._

 

“ _Say you’ll never leave me!”_

 

_Spock closed his eyes to the pain in his mate’s voice. “T’hy’la, I will never leave you. No matter what happens I will always come for you. You are the other side of me. I need you. I will not leave you.”_

 

“ _Promise?” said a deeper voice, and Spock opened his eyes to see his adult mate before him. He was slashed open in multiple places and bleeding profusely._

 

“ _I promise. Come back, Jim.” Spock pleaded again._

 

_The consciousness receded…._

 

Spock felt himself pushed out of the meld and gasped. The residual pain from Jim’s memories was breathtaking. He felt himself stagger back and a healer placed her hand behind him to steady him.

 

“Was I successful?” Spock’s voice was rough. He swallowed.

 

The healer leaned over and performed a light meld with Jim. She nodded her head. “His psyche is balanced once more. However, there is weakness left in his mind. He may not wake for several more hours.”

 

Spock nodded slowly. “I will return him to the ship.” He looked at the two women. “I thank thee for thy care of my mate.” He gave them the _ta’al_ and they returned the gesture. The three eased Jim back on the antigrav gurney and out to the waiting room. McCoy jumped up and looked expectantly at Spock, who nodded his head in answer. McCoy waved the tricorder over the prone form.

 

“Basic EEG readings are stable. Cardiac workup seems stable, with no residual damage. Pulmonary functions optimal.” McCoy put away the device. “Now what, Commander?”

 

Spock sighed. “Now? We wait.” He looked outside to see his father waiting by the aircar. “Please return to the ship with the captain. I am needed here.” He started to leave, and then stopped. “Have Mr. Scott contact me as soon as possible.” With that he walked out.

 


	29. Storm Clouds Gathering

Sarek looked up at his son. “How is James?”

 

“He is still weak but the damage has essentially been reversed.” Spock nodded.

 

“Essentially?” questioned the older Vulcan.

 

Spock gave a small shrug. “The psychic attack was concentrated on Jim’s weakest point; the Ievanians also attempted to sever our bond. They could not. However, they succeeded in injuring Jim severely. He will need to rest for quite a while.”

 

“You do not believe this was a random happenstance,” commented Sarek.

 

“No,” his son replied darkly. “This was deliberate. Someone knew this would happen. We were set up.”

 

Spock’s last words seemed to echo on the wind and Sarek felt a chill fall over him. There was a shimmering as McCoy and Jim beamed back to the _Enterprise_. Spock looked up into the night sky.

 

“I must ask a favor of you, Father.” Spock looked back at his parent.

 

“Anything, child.” Sarek nodded.

 

“Please find out who knew about the Ievanians, and why we were not told. If someone is directly responsible for what happened to my mate, I want them to pay.” His last word was growled.

 

Sarek gestured to the aircar. “We should return to the embassy. Solion is filing for asylum for your crew so you will not have to return until you are ready.”

 

Spock tilted his head. “This will work?” he asked.

 

“It has not been tried before. However, there has not been an entire clan petitioning for one cause before either,” Sarek replied.

 

“The whole clan?” Spock exclaimed.

 

“Our people are still thankful to Captain Kirk for his role in our rescue from Nero. We feel we ‘owe’ him.” Sarek’s eyes twinkled.

 

They got in the car and took off. The ride there was silent; one occupant planning, one occupant reliving. They pulled up to the embassy and got out. Solion met them at the front door.

 

“I have news.” Solion led them into the main hall. “The High Council has accepted our petition to grant the crew of the USS _Enterprise_ political asylum until further notice.” He looked at Spock. “You are now under the protection of the Vulcan Embassy.”

 

“Thank you, Ambassador,” Sarek replied.

 

“Second, I have broken the encryption to Starfleet’s mainframe and accessed the original report from the First Contact team assigned to Tirealla. Its information is quite disturbing. We should speak privately.” Solion swept his hand toward Sarek’s office. The three walked in and Sarek shut the door behind them.

 

“What of this report?” Sarek demanded. Solion pulled it up on his padd and skimmed it.

 

“The Ievanians were not straightforward with their explanation of their language. They have a spoken language but primarily communicate telepathically. This would not be a problem, except they seem to have no code of conduct regarding initiating contact.” Solion looked up for a moment. “They claim dominance of another by psychic attack. They attack humans because they are psi null and usually have no defense against the onslaught.”

 

“What Jim showed me in the meld was very specific,” Spock broke in. “They specifically attacked his sense of security and attempted to destroy our bond.”

 

“They do this out of malice?” Sarek exclaimed.

 

“Unknown. Their attacks are not successful for races with mental defenses. The Vulcan who was with the First Contact team survived the attack because she was able to defend herself.” Solion went quiet. “Her human compatriots were not as fortunate.”

 

“And that explains the lack of contact for twenty-five years,” commented Sarek.

 

“Why only Jim?” Spock asked.

 

“I believe the captain would say, ‘why not?’. He was more than likely the one to initiate conversation. He presented himself as your leader. It follows that they would attack the strongest first.” Solion tilted his head. “They were not expecting him to be bonded to a Vulcan.”

 

“How appropriate,” breathed Sarek. “The one thing they could not destroy was the very thing keeping him alive.” He looked to his son. “A simple marital bond would not have survived. It is because you are _t’hy’la_ that he lives.”

 

“Who knew about this?” Spock finally ground out. The two older men glanced at each other.

 

“Admiral Pike.” Solion spoke his name regretfully. “Vice-Admiral Cooley. That appears to be the extent of the knowledge.”

 

“But Admiral Pike knew.” Spock was aghast. “He deliberately sent our crew into a hostile situation, knowing lives were at stake.” He gritted his teeth. “He told us there were no ‘catches’. That there was nothing he was withholding.” Then Spock cast his eyes downward. “Jim trusted him. Jim believed in him. Jim took his _word_. Pike _betrayed_ him.”

 

“Spock,” began Sarek, but Spock was beyond listening.

 

“He almost cost me my mate. For that he will answer to me.” Spock opened and closed a fist slowly, digging his nails in each time. The pain helped him focus.

 

This time Sarek physically got his son’s attention by grabbing his arms. “Spock. You have done nothing wrong at this point. Do not act rashly now.”

 

“Jim needs you to remain level-headed,” added Solion. He watched his younger counterpart. “Fight for your mate, but do so intelligently. Strike back in a legal way, so that they will pay and you will be vindicated.”

 

Spock blew out a breath. “You are correct, of course. What do I do at this point, Father?”

 

“From here you let us take your case to the Commandant of Starfleet.” Sarek looked at Solion and he nodded. “This goes too high to handle any other way.”

 

Spock felt an odd sense of vertigo and swayed in place for a moment. Then it passed; but he knew what it was he had sensed. “Jim is close to regaining consciousness. I should return to the ship.”

 

Sarek closed his eyes briefly. “Be with your mate. Take care of him. We will handle the legalities of your complaint.”

 

“Thank you,” Spock told them. He stepped away and opened his communicator. A minute later he was surrounded by swirling lights. Another minute and he was gone.


	30. The Spell Is Broken

“Sir,” Scotty began as soon as Spock had rematerialized. “What precisely should we be doin’ about Starfleet? They’re houndin' the lassie upstairs like nobody’s business.” He had been handling the bridge while Spock was away.

 

Spock stopped at the intercom and paged the bridge. Sulu answered.

 

“Mr. Sulu, please pass the word. As of this moment, the crew of the USS _Enterprise_ has been granted political asylum by the Vulcan High Council. We will not be leaving New Vulcan space until further notice.”

 

There was a pause on the other end before Sulu replied. “Yes, sir. Right away.”

 

Spock keyed in once again. “Mr. Sulu.”

 

“Sir?”

 

“You have the conn. I will be in Sickbay.” Spock was succinct.

 

“Aye sir. Let us know if anything changes,” Sulu added. Spock released the button and turned to Scotty.

 

“No one transports on or off this ship without my express permission. We are in very delicate waters.” Spock held Scotty’s attention for a moment to stress the severity of his order.

 

“Aye sir. Absolutely.” The Scotsman entered his code on the transporter console and it chimed. “She’s locked up tight, Commander.”

 

Spock nodded and walked off to Sickbay. When he arrived there he sensed a change in the attitude of the personnel. They seemed almost excited. He stopped Nurse Chapel as she scurried by.

 

“Nurse, has there been a change?” Spock queried.

 

She beamed at him. “The EEG indicates he’s close to waking. It could be any moment!”

 

That merely confirmed his earlier sign. Spock thanked her and went to stand by Jim’s bed side. Someone had placed a stuffed teddy bear against Jim’s right arm. Spock picked it up and moved it aside before taking his beloved’s hand.

 

“Jim. I am here now. I have confidence in you. You can do this. Come back now, Jim.” Spock paused. “You are the rightful captain of this vessel and you belong on the bridge.” He searched for a response. “It has been arranged so we may remain here while the persons responsible for your attack are dealt with. Father and Solion handled it all.”

 

A monitor began beeping rapidly and Spock turned to find a nurse, but Dr. McCoy was already running in. “That’s the sign!” he exclaimed loudly.

 

“The sign?” Spock repeated.

 

“His EEG has returned to normal. He’ll be awake any second now.” And just to prove him right for once, Jim’s eyes fluttered open.

 

Jim squinted in the bright light. “Spock?” Spock took a deep breath and nodded. “What happened?”

 

“Captain, can you tell me where you are?” McCoy broke in.

 

Jim frowned at him. “Sickbay, I’m guessing. But I’ve never been in _here_ before.”

 

“And I hope you never are again,” declared the doctor. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

 

Jim squinted against the light. “Three. How many am I holding up?” he asked, giving a rather rude gesture.

 

McCoy howled with laughter. “He’s back!”

 

Spock hid a smile. “Captain, I do not believe that was a proper response to the question.” He tried to sound severe and failed miserably. Jim reached up and Spock took his hand. “It is extremely gratifying to see you awake again, sir.”

 

Jim rubbed his eyes with his other hand. “It’s good to be back. I had the most god-awful dreams. So what did I do wrong this time?” He looked up at his second-in-command expectantly.

 

“You will not believe me, but for once this was not your fault.” Spock tilted his head and nodded. “I will explain further when you have been cleared by medical. If you follow your usual _modus operandi_ you will not be spending the night in Sickbay.”

 

“I’m sorry. I sleep better in my own bunk. So can you go pester Bones until he releases me?” Jim batted his eyelashes. “Pretty please?”

 

Spock hesitated. “Captain, you were severely injured. You almost lost your life. Perhaps it would behoove you to remain for a thorough physical examination before you execute your escape.”

 

Jim frowned. “I’m usually at death’s door every other week, Spock. It couldn’t have been that bad.” He pulled himself up and began to search his body for visible signs of trauma. The exertion set off the cardiac monitor and Nurse Chapel came in.

 

“We can take that off now, if you want,” she offered sweetly.

  
“Can you undo the whole shebang? ‘Cause in about fifteen seconds I’m gonna be out that door,” Jim finished, pointing to the entrance to Sickbay.

 

Chapel blew her long bangs off her forehead. “No can do, Captain Sir. You’ll have to wait for Dr. McCoy to clear you before you release yourself.” She clearly had Jim’s number.

 

“Rats. She’s on to me,” Jim muttered as an aside to Spock. Spock raised his eyebrow.

 

“Do you want the cardiac monitor off or not?” Chapel repeated.

 

“Oh. Yes. Please.” Jim held still as she reached down the front of his gown and disconnected the leads. She snaked the bundle of wires back out and hung it over the monitor. “Thank you.” He smiled at her.

 

Chapel smiled back. “Welcome back, Captain Kirk.”

 

McCoy came back in and stood in front of Jim’s bed, merely looking at him for a long moment.

  
“Bones?” Jim prompted.

 

“Yeah kid. Just…don’t ever scare us like that again.” McCoy gave a weak smile. “And now, because I have no logical reason to keep you, dammit, I’m going to release you to your quarters.” Jim grinned and McCoy jumped in again. “And don’t you dare go on that bridge. If I find out you went on that bridge, and I _will_ find out, I’ll tan your hide and then let Spock finish the job.”

 

Jim saluted. “Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir.” He grinned and looked around. “Um, where are my clothes?”

 

Spock gave a start. “I apologize, Captain. You had to be removed from your uniform in a rapid manner. I will retrieve a fresh uniform for you.”

 

Jim scooted himself up until he was sitting up on the biobed. “Spock.” He grabbed his mate by the wrist. “You really owe me that explanation. They _cut_ me out of my uniform?”

 

Spock gave a small shrug. “I will tell you the whole story once you are comfortable in your own bed.”

 

When Spock returned with the clothing, Jim had been disconnected from all the equipment and his IVs had been removed. The only evidence of his stay in Sickbay was two small bandages on his arm. Jim gratefully accepted the bundle and Spock turned his back to allow Jim privacy.

  
Jim smirked. “Uh, dude, I think you’ve seen everything there is to see.”

 

Spock blushed but did not turn around. “It would not be appropriate to view my commanding officer while he is undressed.”

 

Jim tapped him on the shoulder when he was dressed. “Then how about your husband?”

 

“We shall see,” was Spock’s quiet answer. They walked out of Sickbay and took their time returning to Officers’ Country. When they got to Jim’s door he keyed in his code and started to walk in, but Spock hesitated.

 

“You coming?” Jim called out over his shoulder. Spock entered and the door slid shut behind him. The room was in its usual state of disarray; a pair of jeans draped over the desk chair, books stacked on every flat surface available, and the closet door stuck open because a pair of sneakers was in the track. It felt like home to Spock.

 

“Okay, cop a squat. You’re making me nervous, hovering in the doorway.” Jim lay down on the bunk and waved his hand for Spock to move. Spock picked up the jeans and folded them, placing them on a small pile of books, and then carried the chair over to the bed. “You want to tell me why everyone’s acting like I’ve risen from the dead?” Jim began.

 

Spock started with the receipt of the orders and went forward, leaving no detail out. Occasionally Jim would interrupt and ask for a clarification. Spock ended with the report about the asylum status of the crew and the reaction Starfleet was giving.

 

“I believe I may have lost my commission,” Spock finished.

 

“Bullshit.” Jim sat up on the bed, tucking his legs under him. “You did exactly what I would have done if I’d been in your shoes.” He thumped his fist into the mattress. “If no one else tells you Spock, I’m damn proud of you. You handled that excellently. I, for one, think you would make a terrific captain.”

 

“Thank you, Jim,” Spock began, “but I--”

 

“—do not wish to command,” they finished together. Jim smirked at his mate. “Yeah, same old song and dance. If you’re happy being my XO then that’s where you’ll stay, but by God that’s where you’ll _stay._ Nobody’s going to cashier you for this clusterfuck. Not on my watch.”

 

“I have a feeling our father and my counterpart will have something to say on the matter as well,” Spock reminded Jim. Jim gave a wide yawn and rubbed at his eyes.

 

“If I was out this entire time, why am I sleepy?” Jim complained.

 

Spock engaged the privacy lock on the doors and helped his partner out of his clean uniform, hanging it up for the next day. Spock got Jim’s sweatpants and ragged old t-shirt, but Jim waved him away.

 

“I’m warm enough for now.” Jim climbed under the covers and patted the small space beside him. “Care to join me?”

 

Spock held up a finger and walked through the bathroom and into his quarters, returning with his pajamas. He undressed and climbed into the satiny clothes; then he slid into the bed and smoothed down the covers. They were almost touching from head to toe. The bed was just a little smaller than the one they had shared on New Vulcan.

 

Jim buried his face in Spock’s neck, feeling his pulse jump in his throat. “Are you going to be okay?” he mumbled.

 

Spock swallowed. “I believe so. I know I am better now that you are here,” he replied.

  
“That’s good,” Jim whispered sleepily. “My alarm is set for Alpha shift. Is that okay with you?”

 

Spock rubbed his mate’s back gently. “I will be here when you awake. Sleep now, _ashayam._ ”

 

He didn’t have to say it twice. Jim was out like a light. Spock remained awake for a while to experience sleeping with the human. His ears adjusted to the snoring eventually. The only place that got wet from the drool was the crook of his elbow. He could wash that. There was an interesting tug of war for the sheets before Spock relented and let Jim have the covers. Finally Spock laid his head down and stared at the fuzzy image of his slumbering partner. He blinked once; twice; then his eyes drifted closed and he joined his mate.

 

It was their first night in asylum.


	31. Goin' To The Chapel And We're ....

The crew adjusted rather well to their sudden political status. They went about their business as if they were warping through space like any other day. The only stress was on the command pair, who was currently getting ready for their day.

 

Jim checked his messages and pulled on his gold top. He glanced up when his partner came through the bathroom, already in his blue shirt and black slacks. Jim signed off and slipped on his pants.

 

“Well, according to the report the Gamma shift comm. officer left, Starfleet has gone silent for the moment. There were no new messages after twenty-hundred yesterday.” Jim went to his mirror and brushed his unruly hair.

 

“Is this a good sign, or a bad one?” Spock mused aloud.

 

Jim snorted. “For the moment, I don’t really care. You just needed them to shut up for a while so we could think in peace.”

 

Spock combed his hair and put the comb away in the bathroom. “And now that I have my desired silence, what should we plan to do with it?”

 

Jim sat down and tugged on his boots. “First off, we’re lifting the travel ban you implemented. As long as we’re parked in New Vulcan’s front yard, we might as well ask for shore leave.”

 

Spock made a noise in the back of his throat and Jim looked over. “ _Ashayam,_ are you certain that is wise? New Vulcan is not what you could call a resort destination.”

 

Jim nodded. “Just day passes. Let the crew take turns going off the ship and stretch their legs. Besides, this way we can show our appreciation to the Vulcan High Council for their assistance in this shitstorm.”

 

“Very well.” Spock sat on the bed. “What is your second proposal?”

 

“We need to send clearly worded, specific messages to our crew’s families and let them know they’re alright. You know we haven’t had contact with anyone but Starfleet since the start of the Mission from Hell. And you _know_ Starfleet is having their say about it.” Jim came and sat down beside Spock. “And last but certainly not least, we need to get the crew involved in planning our second wedding.”

 

Spock raised an eyebrow. “The crew will be planning the ceremony?”

 

“Why not?” the younger man asked. “I’m sure they’re not going to have us dress up like stuffed animals and hop our way down the aisle. I trust them to be tasteful.”

 

“As you wish,” Spock murmured. He leaned over to press a light kiss on Jim’s cheek. “Did you sleep well?”

 

Jim nodded. “I didn’t even dream. It was bizarre. I remember you telling me to go to sleep and then boom, it was today.” He rubbed a hand down Spock’s leg. “But I did feel your presence watching over me as we slept. It was very reassuring.” Jim squinted at his mate. “You _did_ sleep, didn’t you?”

 

“Affirmative. Standing watch over you in the bond is no imposition. I am sufficiently rested.” Spock nodded.

 

“Okay,” Jim relented. “As long as you slept. I won’t have you doing that up-all-hours stunt you pulled after Rashcela.”

 

“The paperwork needed to be done. I did it,” Spock justified.

 

“Spock, you didn’t sleep for 90 hours,” Jim exclaimed.

 

“I slept when you ordered me to,” retorted his mate.

 

“I slipped you a mickey.” At Spock’s incredulous look Jim went on. “You were hallucinating, Spock! You had two different conversations with thin air in front of other people and you wouldn’t go see Bones. So he gave me the pill and I stuck it in your food while you were zoned out.”

 

Spock narrowed his eyes at Jim. “Please do not repeat that action or anything similar in the future.” His voice was low.

 

Jim opened his eyes wide. “Who nerve-pinched me to shut me up when I got pissed drunk and started railing at the Romulan delegate?”

 

Spock sighed. “Apparently we both have stepped in when the other was incapacitated.” He stood up and motioned to the chronometer. “You have a shift to complete. I will be in the labs today until Beta shift.”

 

Jim pouted. “Being on different schedules sucks. Who made these stinkers?”

 

Spock smirked. “I believe it was you.”

 

“Oh. Then I’ll kick my own ass later. Come join me at lunch, okay?” Jim waved goodbye and walked out.

 

He was halfway down the hall when a familiar voice called out, “O Captain, My Captain!” Jim stopped and waited for the doctor to catch up. “How are you feeling?” McCoy started.

 

They walked together to the turbolift. “Eh. I’m fine, Bones. Really. I slept well and everything.” McCoy pulled him to the side and grabbed his face roughly, peering at each eye. “Um, Bones?” Jim croaked.

 

“Alright. I guess you’re fit for duty. I don’t get how the hell you did it, but I’m thankful. Try to stay alive today, will you?” McCoy tossed off a casual salute and headed to Sickbay. Jim grumbled good-naturedly and caught the lift to the bridge.

 

The crew looked up as Jim walked onto the bridge. “Hey everybody, it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!” Jim exclaimed. The officers grinned. “Okay, let’s get the morning announcements rolling. Chekov, you ready?”

 

The young man looked up. “Aye, Keptain.” Chekov began the announcements. Jim lolled in his chair.

 

“Comfy, Captain?” a soft voice whispered and Jim caught a whiff of familiar perfume.

 

“You came and saw me,” Jim accused gently. She nodded. “Thanks, Uhura.”

 

“Don’t thank just me. The whole bridge crew came to see you. You’re apparently a popular man.” She winked at him and went to sit at her console.

 

“But then--” Jim broke off and mumbled the rest to himself. “Who brought me the bear?” Spock had denied leaving the stuffed animal in Jim’s room; Jim would have known if he were lying. Somebody on this bridge had left a token of affection for the injured captain, and Jim meant to thank him or her.

 

“…and ve vill be accepting suggestions for ze Keptain and Commander’s wedding. Post your ideas to ze Community Calendar, under ‘Veddings’. Thank you for your time. Good day.” Chekov turned off the intercom.

 

“Thanks, Pavel.” Jim hopped out of his chair and wandered over to the comm. station. “All quiet on the western front?” he whispered.

 

“Still no messages from Starfleet,” Uhura whispered back.

 

“No news is good news,” Jim muttered. “We’ll be starting the messages to the crew’s families as soon as you’re ready.”

 

“Not a problem, sir.” She tapped the console with a manicured fingernail. “We’re ready when you are.”

 

Jim nodded and walked over to the science station. “Everything okay here, Lieutenant?” The Orion nodded and smiled. “Great.”

 

He walked over to the pilot’s chair and nudged Sulu. “Hey, dude. You cool?”

 

“Everything’s chill, man,” came the reply. The Asian smiled up at Jim.

 

Jim leaned over and hit the intercom on Sulu’s station. “Hey Scotty.”

 

“Aye, sir.” Scotty answered promptly.

 

“I know there’s not much to do right now, but are you okay down there?” Jim asked in sympathy.

 

“We’re doin’ just fine, Cap’n. Doin’ a wee bit of maintenance while we’ve got a chance,” Scotty added.

 

“Just keep yourself close to ready in case we have to boogie.” Jim smiled, even though the engineer couldn’t see it.

 

“You can count on us, sir.”

 

Jim shut off the intercom and took one last look around the bridge before settling in his seat again.


	32. The Waiting Game

After a while there was a small shift in the bond, and Jim knew his husband was checking in on him. He projected calm and happiness back. Jim noticed the connection seemed to remain open and figured Spock was going to eavesdrop for a while. Jim decided he must be bored in the labs.

 

In the most orderly way possible, the crewmembers began uploading their messages to go home. Many had expressed their gratitude for the captain’s decision. It was difficult enough to be away from your family. It was even worse when something was wrong and you couldn’t let them know you were alright.

 

Jim sent an image through the bond to Spock with a question. Spock agreed. Jim handed the conn over to Sulu briefly and disappeared. He returned five minutes later with a book. He sat back in the seat and began to read. If the bridge crew noticed he was holding the book funny, no one said anything. Jim read silently for an hour before marking his place with his finger and looking up.

 

“Everybody okay?” Jim called out.

 

“Aye, sir,” came the chorus.

 

“Captain?” Uhura called out. “You haven’t sent a message yet.” She looked at him expectantly.

 

“Oh, crap,” Jim spoke eloquently. He motioned to his yeoman who handed him his padd. He scribbled out a note and forwarded it to the comm. station. “Thanks, Lieutenant.” He returned to his book.

 

The curiosity got the better of the young navigator. “Vhat are you reading, Keptain?”

 

“Mmm,” came the distracted response. Jim marked his place with a finger and looked up. “20th century dark author named Stephen King. Did you ever see that movie _It_ , about the clown?” he asked.

 

Chekov shook his head but Sulu nodded. “That was creepy, dude,” the pilot commented.

 

Uhura turned around from her station. “You know, we should find a decent copy of that movie. I think we could show it in the main rec room for the crew to see. That really is a classic,” she replied.

 

“So you are reading ze book for ze movie?” Chekov asked.

 

Jim shook his head. “Nope. This is another novel, from a series called _The Dark Tower._ I can’t really say I understand it yet. Seems like something about the Wild West,” he finished.

 

“Oh,” the young man replied. He fell silent and pulled out a small cloth from his pocket and began to shine the console in front of him. Sulu looked over and rolled his eyes but kept his comments to himself.

 

After another uneventful hour the long-silent communications board chimed. Uhura turned around and fit in her earpiece. She listened for a moment before turning back.

 

“Sir, you have an incoming transmission from the Vulcan High Council. Where do you want to take it?” Uhura kept her hand poised over the board.

 

“Put it in the Briefing Room, and page Mr. Spock. I want him up here ASAP.” Jim put his book in the seat and walked off the bridge. When he got to the conference room he went to hit the button on the main display and found the console had been beaten in. He took a step back and surveyed the damage. There was also a healthy chunk missing from the side of the table.

 

Spock walked in from the turbolift and Jim motioned to the scene before him. “What in the holy hell happened here?” Jim exclaimed. Spock colored a light green and looked down. “Okay, but it’s coming out of _your_ paycheck. I guess we’ll have to take this call on the bridge.” They walked back out to the other room.

 

“Uhura, can you let the Council know we are experiencing technical difficulties and will be answering their call on the bridge?” Jim requested and stood in front of the viewscreen. Uhura spoke briefly before connecting the call.

 

The Vulcan woman who had presided over Jim and Spock’s bonding came on the screen. Behind her were Ambassadors Sarek and Solion, and another older Vulcan man. The woman raised her hand in the _ta’al_.

 

“Greetings, Captain Kirk. We bring you news of your current predicament.” She had a very commanding voice, and Jim found himself wanting to squirm under her scrutiny.

  
Jim returned the gesture. “Thank you, ma’am. What is your news?”

 

“We are currently in negotiations with Starfleet Command. As of now they have agreed to drop the court martial against Commander Spock for his actions in saving your life.” She waited for this news to sink in.

 

Jim felt a pulse of relief across the bond. “That’s great. Anything else?”

 

The woman tilted her head. “Your crew will not be charged as accessories.”

 

There was definitely a sigh of relief from the bridge crew about that. Jim paused. “Okay, so what’s stopping us from leaving?”

 

Ambassador Sarek came forward. “Captain, we refuse to reveal which of you released the briefing materials concerning the Ievanians, however the Vulcan High Council has lodged a formal protest with the Commandant of Starfleet on your crew’s behalf regarding your recent mission.”

 

“Translation: You’re objecting to us being used as guinea pigs?” Jim quipped.

 

“Essentially,” came the dignified reply.

 

Ambassador Solion stepped forward as well. “The situation is delicate. If the persons involved did not know the danger, then someone did not read the First Contact briefing in the file. If they _did_ know the danger, then they deliberately sent a crew into a hostile environment ill-prepared. Either way, someone must answer for this, and this incident must not be repeated.”

 

Solion then turned and motioned to the man standing behind him. “Captain Kirk, may I present Elder S’latar. He has been our voice in our contact with Starfleet Command, for quite obvious reasons.”

 

“Peace and long life, Captain,” S’latar spoke, raising the _ta’al._

 

“Live long and prosper, S’latar,” replied Captain Kirk, returning the gesture. Then something caught in his mind and he raised a finger. “Wait, why is he doing the talking again?”

 

Sarek tilted his head. “T’ella is your clan Matriarch. It would be a conflict of interest for her to be our spokesperson. I am your _sa-_ _telsu’s_ father. I am biased. As is Ambassador Solion, who is another member of your extended family.”

 

Jim heard Spock say in the bond: _Do not question his familial status. For now, he is simply family._

 

“Oh,” was Jim’s response. “Cool. Um, thank you so much. Is there anything we can do to help?”

 

T’ella nodded. “Captain, does your ship keep copies of incoming transmissions?”

 

Jim looked at Uhura questioningly, and she stood up. “Not all transmissions, ma’am. Just the ones from Starfleet Command.”

 

T’ella tilted her head. “Captain Kirk. Your communiqués regarding this last mission. From where did they originate?

 

Jim swore softly under his breath. “Dammit. We’re the ones who placed the calls.”

 

Spock stepped forward. “However, as a computer expert I can trace the origin of the briefs sent to us for the mission. Would that be acceptable?”

 

“Do so with great haste. We also request to see the exact documents you received. Forward these pieces to Ambassador Sarek at the embassy,” T’ella replied.

 

“Okay. Is that is?” Jim finished up.

  
“One last point, Captain. It was mentioned to us by another party that your crew may…” she paused to search for the word “… _enjoy_ permission to visit New Vulcan. I believe you call it ‘shore leave’. If you desire, we are amenable to the idea.” T’ella stood tall.

 

“Thank you, ma’am. We will coordinate our crew’s schedule with the Vulcan Embassy.” Jim cheered internally and felt his mate’s resignation.

 

They signed off and Jim sat back in his chair. “Okay, Spock, you get started on tracing that document back. Just for kicks, get a copy of the ‘sealed orders’ we opened and trace them back as well.”

 

“Yes, sir.” Spock went to his station.

 

“ _I_ will be working out a shore leave rotation.” With that Jim motioned again for his yeoman. She handed him his padd before he even asked for it. “Thanks,” he muttered as she retreated to her usual place on the bridge.


	33. The Secret's Out Of The Bag

After half an hour, Jim turned to the science station. “Hey Spock, can you check this schedule I drew up?”

 

Spock did not even turn around, but shook his head negatively. “I am having some unexpected difficulty with my trace, Captain.”

 

Jim got up and came over to look over his shoulder. After a moment he pointed at a set of variables. “Why are you searching all six of the servers when you just need to focus on this one? That’s the only server that handles Chris’ mail.”

 

Spock tilted his head. “Thank you, Captain. I will not ask how you know this.” He refined his search. Jim squeezed his shoulder and moved off.

 

The turbolift opened and a communications ensign walked out and over to Uhura. He whispered in her ear and she smiled and nodded. She turned to Jim.

 

“Permission to leave the bridge?” she asked.

 

Jim craned his neck around to look at her. “Uh, you okay?”

 

“Yes, sir. I have a personal matter I must attend to.” She looked at him fondly.

 

“Hmm.” Jim scratched his head. “Well, it’s not like we’re expecting anything to happen. Sure. Go on.” He waved toward the lift.

 

Sulu leaned over to whisper to Chekov. Jim spun around. “What?” he asked.

 

Both sat up and smiled. “Nothing, sir.”

 

Jim tried his best to raise an eyebrow like Spock did. “Really?”

 

“Really,” Sulu answered, but Chekov grinned like the cat that ate the canary. Jim narrowed his eyes and made a pointing motion with two fingers from his eyes to them.

  
“I’m watchin’ you,” Jim said in a gangster’s voice. Behind him, at the science station, Spock’s personal padd chimed. Jim whipped his head around and observed closely. Spock read the incoming message, frowned, and sent a reply. Then he put it aside and returned to his search. Jim made a puzzled face. What the hell was going on with his bridge crew?

 

Then the main computer beeped at Spock and he sat upright. “Captain, we have the trace you requested.” Jim looked up hesitantly. The computer beeped again. “Both searches have come back positive. May I speak with you privately sir?”

 

Jim nodded. “Briefing Room.” They walked over to the other room and Jim folded his arms across his chest. “Spill it.”

 

Spock looked chagrined. “Both documents came from the computer in Admiral Pike’s office. The message to contact him originated from Admiral Pike’s personal account.”

 

Jim sagged back against the table. “I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe Chris would set us up. The man is practically a father figure to me. How could he do something so horrible?”

 

Spock put a hesitant hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Perhaps, when confronted, he will offer a plausible explanation. I am sorry, Jim.”

 

Jim shook himself. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to see what he has to say for himself. Did you send everything to the embassy?”

 

There was a nod. “We should be hearing from Father shortly.” Spock put his hands behind his back. Just then, two Engineering workers came in carrying cases of computer equipment. Spock blushed as he realized why they were there.

 

Jim just nodded absently at them. “Be careful of the table, it’s kinda jagged.” They set up their station and then began replacing the dead computer terminal. Spock watched for a moment, and then motioned to Jim to walk back with him.

 

They walked out on the bridge and this time Sulu was out of his seat whispering to Chekov.

 

“Gen-tle-men.” Jim glared at them. “Is there something you would like to share with the rest of us?”

 

“Uh…” Chekov began.

 

“Not yet, sir.” Sulu answered confidently. He took his seat again; this time _he_ had a huge smile on his face.

 

Jim walked to the middle of the bridge and clapped his hands. Everyone stopped to look at him.

 

“Okay. Here’s the deal. I’m paranoid enough as it is, and now my bridge crew is acting like there’s this huge secret that everyone is in on but me. _Everyone,_ ” Jim emphasized, glaring at his husband. “I want in. What’s going on?”

 

Everyone was silent. The wait lasted almost two whole minutes before Spock cracked.

 

“Sir, the crew has made headway in planning the second ceremony for our marriage. There is a song Lieutenant Uhura has asked to sing. I do not know the song personally, but she assures me it is appropriate. I allowed it. Ensign Chekov and Lieutenant Sulu are planning the video recording of the ceremony so the crew not attending and any distant family members may watch at a later time. And please, do not ask what Commander Scott is planning. I regret knowing it myself.” Spock stopped and took a breath. “Sir.”

 

Jim began to smile. “That’s all? Oh. Well, jeez, now I feel like an ass.”

 

“You are,” supplied the pilot helpfully. Jim gave him a one-finger salute. The tension left the bridge and Jim plopped down in his seat again. The comm. station chimed and the officer listened for a moment before turning to the center.

 

“Sir, you have an incoming message from the Vulcan Embassy. They say it’s private.” The officer looked at him expectantly.

 

“Private? Ask them if both the Captain and Commander can hear it, or just the Captain?” Jim spoke quickly.

 

There was a moment while the question was passed and an answer came back. “Sir, the Commander is welcome to hear it as well.”

 

Jim nodded. “Then I’ll take it…” he thought for a moment “…in my quarters. Give me enough time to get down there. Come on, Commander.” The two walked off the bridge and rode the turbolift to their deck. When they entered Jim’s room, Jim took a sudden breath. Spock looked back behind him.

  
“Is something wrong?” Spock asked gently.

 

“Just gotta get used to the new temperature,” Jim replied. He laid his book from earlier down.

 

“Computer--”

 

“No. Leave it. I’ll adjust,” Jim assured Spock. He went to his computer and accessed it. “Bridge? I’m ready.” The call connected and Jim stood up. “Greetings, Ambassador Sarek.”

 

Sarek looked back at him patiently. “Greetings, Captain. I have an interesting development to report.”

 

Jim sat on the edge of his desk. “Shoot.”

 

Sarek nodded. “It appears that Admiral Pike did not access the First Contact brief, at any time. However, it was accessed twice by Vice-Admiral Cooley. The access occurred…” He broke off to check his information again. “…two hours before the timestamp on your sealed orders.”

 

Jim had a sudden insight. “Wait. Cooley is Pike’s right hand man. Woman. Whatever. If she read it and briefed him…”

 

“But did not give him the correct information,” added Spock.

 

“Then Admiral Pike is not guilty of this crime. He was just as much a victim as you both were.” Sarek looked slightly relieved.

 

“Then why wouldn’t he let us go to New Vulcan?” Jim pointed out.

 

“That is a question only Admiral Pike can answer. We will move forward with the accusation against Vice-Admiral Cooley at this time, if you wish,” Sarek responded.

 

Jim looked helpless between the two Vulcans. “I want someone to pay, but I want it to be the right someone. If you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Cooley set this up, then hit her with everything you’ve got.” Jim paused. “I want to talk to Pike.”

 

“Not wise at this time,” Sarek interjected. “Once we have made our accusation and Vice-Admiral Cooley stands charged, perhaps then. Of course Admiral Pike’s legal representative may urge him not to talk until after the trial.”

 

Jim dropped his jaw. “You mean I won’t talk to him until this whole thing is over with? What if it’s important? I want him to know I’m not mad at him. I need him to know,” Jim stated strongly.

 

“Jim,” Spock began gently, “Admiral Pike will understand. You have not been a player in this drama. Only the victim. The insubordination belongs solely to me, and that charge has been dropped. If the Admiral is to be angry with anyone, it would be me.”

 

Jim blew out a puff of air. “Okay. I’ll keep my mouth shut. But I want to know about this trial you’re planning. I want to testify, or something. Or just watch. There are so many questions I need answered.”

 

Sarek nodded his understanding. “You are the chief complainant. You will be apprised of each step and given the opportunity to testify. Remember, however, you will have to be there regardless. The Vice-Admiral retains her right to face her accuser.”

 

“Oh, I’ll face her alright,” Jim growled, and Spock shook his head in warning. Jim sighed. “Okay, thanks Ambassador.”

 

“You will, of course, be required to resume communications with Starfleet Command. However, you will be under a different admiral’s jurisdiction. Your asylum will remain in force until you are ready to leave.” Sarek looked at his two sons. “I have a meeting to attend, and several bizarre messages to return to your Communications officer.”

 

“Uhura?” Jim asked.

 

“Affirmative.” Sarek shook his head. “She has been most insistent that I assist her in--” He broke off. “Perhaps I should not inform you.”

 

Jim pointed at his partner. “Spock already spilled the beans. I know about the second ceremony. Not the details, but I know it’s coming together.”

 

“It is causing quite the sensation here. Many of your clan have not experienced a true human wedding before. My wedding to Spock’s mother was held on Earth, and was primarily for her family.” Sarek almost smiled. “I will admit I had hoped for a daughter….”

 

“Father,” Spock objected.

 

Sarek sobered. “I will speak with you again once we have made our accusations to Starfleet Command. As your contact with the Vulcan Embassy, I can tell you we are prepared to host up to half of your crew at a time. However, we have no lodging. They will have to return to the ship to rest.” Sarek nodded. “Peace and long life, sons.” With that he signed off.

 

“God, Dad, thanks.” Jim grumbled and looked around. “Where did I leave my padd?”

 

“You left it in the possession of your yeoman, as you do at least 95% of the time.” Spock resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “You intend to begin beaming down crewmembers?”

 

“Why not?” Jim asked.

 

“Jim.” Spock looked at the chronometer. “It is 6:13 in the morning on New Vulcan. Did you forget they are not on ship’s time?”

 

“Crap. Okay, so eight in the morning is…” he calculated for a moment “…three in the afternoon. I think the crew can handle it.”

 

“They will adjust. In truth they need only adjust to it for one day.” Spock closed his mouth suddenly and Jim looked at him shrewdly.

 

“Oh really?”

 

“I will say nothing more. Lieutenant Uhura has threatened me with bodily harm should I ‘ruin’ this for you.” Spock looked apologetic.

 

“Yeah, if Uhura was threatening me I’d do what she said too. But why do _you_ get to know?” Jim pouted.

 

“ _T’hy’la_ , I do not know the details. I will tell you this. There is a song being sung before the ceremony begins, as we enter the area.” Spock paused. “We are not writing vows; we will be forced to improvise.” He watched Jim’s reaction. “There will be a quarter of our crew in attendance, as well as our entire clan.” Jim seemed to approve of that. “And Commander Scott is providing what he calls his ‘best vintage’ of whatever is produced in the still in Engineering that _you_ refuse to acknowledge.” The last part Spock said with a frustration he didn’t truly feel.

 

“I haven’t _had_ to shut it down yet,” Jim remarked. “Okay. Fine. What are we wearing to the ceremony?” he asked. “I don’t think we’re going to find tuxedos in any of the shops on New Vulcan.”

 

Spock tilted his head. “I had decided we would marry in our dress uniforms. It is only appropriate for a wedding between two active-duty officers.”

 

Jim whistled. “You look freaking _hot_ in your dress uniform. I approve.” His stomach growled and he looked down. “Uh, we skipped breakfast and it’s lunchtime now. Can we go eat?”

 

“Certainly. After you.” Spock gestured for Jim to leave first.

 

Jim was ordering his meal when the memory of an argument crossed his mind. He canceled the hamburger and ordered a fruit salad.

 

Regardless of what he was planning on getting, Spock did _not_ get Plomeek soup for lunch.

 

Lunch turned out to be a pleasant time for all.


	34. Curiosity Killed The Captain

After their meal Jim decided he was going to take a walk around the ship. He went up and turned the conn over to the lieutenant who was manning the helm and headed for his first destination.

 

The doors shot open and Jim swaggered in. A nurse passed him and he growled, “Well _hello_ there!” She snorted and kept going. Jim looked around and finally caught Nurse Chapel’s eye. He gave a large shrug and she pointed to the CMO’s office. Jim nodded and strolled over.

 

Jim stuck his head in. “Anybody alive in here?”

 

McCoy looked up from a chart and smiled. “Jimmy-boy. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

“Just stopping by. You always tell me you only see me when I’ve got one foot in the grave. I figured I could come spend some time with you. You know, _mano-a-mano_.”

 

“What do you want?” McCoy was not fooled.

 

“I just want to know more about the wedding. What song is Uhura going to sing?” Jim pleaded.

 

“Oh no. The only person who has heard the title is your precious hobgoblin and he’s not breathing a word. Nice try.” McCoy shooed him off. “Go do something Captain-y.”

 

“But Bones, I’m _bored_ ,” Jim whined.

 

McCoy sighed and signed off his padd. “Okay. Talk to me kid. How are you doing?”

 

Jim came in and sat down. “I dunno, Bones. It’s weird. Other than waking up in the same bed as Spock and--”

 

“Lalalalalalalala” McCoy began singing loudly.

 

“Okay, sorry. Except for a few small changes, my life hasn’t changed that much since I got married. I don’t know, is that a good thing?” Jim fidgeted with his hands.

 

McCoy smiled at his friend. “Listen, mister, if it’s done right, it’s like nothing really changes from day to day. Your spouse is already an extension of you, so making it permanent is not a big deal.” He broke off and looked down.

 

Jim sat forward some. “What was it like for you and Carolyn? You know, in the beginning?”

 

There was a faint smile again. “Well, I had to do it in order, you see. I had to ask Mr. McPherson first; that was the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had. He took me out and showed me the estate where Carrie grew up and informed me one day she was going to be a wealthy woman.” McCoy snorted. “Then he took me to the chicken coop and had me pick out dinner. He took that sleek, fat chicken and chopped its head off without a second glance. Then, while he still had the cleaver in his hand, he asked me if I knew what would happen if I ever hurt his little girl.” He chuckled. “I got the point.”

 

“Eeep,” Jim commented. “All I got was a lecture on interspecies marriage. What then?”

 

“Then we had the biggest damn wedding this side of the Mississippi. I’d say the whole city of Atlanta was there. Carrie's gown had cost more credits than my car. The church was decked out from tip to top in her favorite colors, purple and silver. Thanks to our families, we had a ring bearer, a flower girl, seven bridesmaids and five groomsmen. There were 300 in attendance.” Jim whistled. “She came down the aisle to the same song brides have been marching to since Moses was born: _Canon in D._ ”

 

Jim interrupted. “They’re not playing _Canon in D_ at our wedding, are they?”

 

McCoy thought about it. “I think it’s part of the waiting music, but it’s not in the actual ceremony.” Jim sighed. “No, little man, we wouldn’t have done that to you. That would have been the equivalent of putting you in a frou-frou. But they did also turn down one ensign’s request that you come down the aisle to _Duel of the Fates_ from Star Wars.” They both laughed.

 

There was a tweak in the bond and Jim turned his head for a moment before looking back at his best friend. “Uh, I’m being paged. Can we continue this later?”

 

“Vulcan Mind Voodoo.” McCoy sighed. “Sure, kid. Take it easy. If you need me….” He waved his hand.

 

“See ya, Bones.” Jim walked out and paused for a moment to ask Spock where he was. Spock answered and Jim headed for the bridge.

 

He walked out of the turbolift and there was a group of ensigns and lieutenants crowded around Spock. Apparently he was being mobbed, for some reason or another. Jim giggled inside and Spock shot him a look.

 

 _No, ashayam. Help, do not laugh._ Spock was frustrated. Jim walked up behind the group.

 

“What’s going on? Can I be of assistance?” Jim turned on his Captainly charm.

 

“Commander Spock won’t tell us his favorite colors, and he won’t tell us yours either,” pouted one woman.

 

“Well, I don’t think the Commander would deign to choose any one color over the other, and my favorite colors are burnt orange and maroon. I highly doubt you can plan a wedding around _that_.” Jim made a show of thinking. “Perhaps gold and silver? I think that would look nice. Depending on what it is you’re planning on doing exactly,” Jim qualified.

 

The women perked up. “Gold and silver?” one responded. “We can do that!” another exclaimed, and the group moved off. Spock stood very still for at least two minutes after they had left.

 

Jim looked him over sympathetically. “I’m sorry, but you _are_ the one who insisted on being involved and keeping me out of the loop.”

 

Spock gave a small sigh. “I may have miscalculated.”

 

There was a chime and Uhura turned from her post. “Captain?”

 

Jim grabbed his chest dramatically. “Jeez, you’re back!” She smirked at him. “Yes, Uhura?” he answered.

 

“We have an incoming transmission from Starfleet Command. Are we taking it?” Uhura was still pissed at the Command for their earlier behavior.

 

“Yeah, we are,” Jim replied, glancing at his husband. “Put them onscreen.”

 

The screen lit up and Jim’s favorite admiral in the world— _not—_ came on. “Captain Kirk?”

 

“Yes, Admiral Komack?” Jim’s teeth clinched and Spock moved subtly to Jim’s side.

 

“Your ship is now under my jurisdiction. I would like to discuss you leaving this ridiculous political asylum status you have.” The admiral wasted no words.

 

Jim went to attention and Spock tried to send soothing feelings over the bond. “We will not be leaving asylum until we are informed of the answer to our inquiries.” Jim glared at the screen.

 

The older man glared back. “As it stands, Vice-Admiral Cooley has been placed in the brig pending a trial over her actions in your recent mishap.”

 

“ _Mishap?_ ” Jim shot back. “She could have killed my entire landing party!”

 

“She will answer for her actions. For now we need the _Enterprise_ back in action.” Komack began to drum his fingers on the desk.

 

Jim shot a look at Spock. _Are we ready?_

 

_We are behind you, ashayam, but be certain you are ready yourself._

 

Komack cleared his throat. “Should I have asked the Commander instead?” he mocked.

 

Jim decided to twist the knife just a little more because of that dig. “We’ll be ready at oh-eight-hundred tomorrow. Not a moment sooner.”

 

The admiral gave a gusty sigh. “Fine. But no later. Komack out.” The screen showed the confirmation logo of the Admiralty.

 

Jim went to the center chair and sank into it slowly. Spock came up beside him.

 

“Captain, the protection given to us by the High Council does not have an expiration date, and Starfleet Command cannot force us to return to active duty before we are ready.” Spock watched his mate carefully.

 

Jim shook his head. “They’re going to take this out on my crew, and I won’t stand for that. No, Spock, we’re going back to work, ready or not.” He sighed. “Now all we have to do is wait.”

 

“Not precisely, Captain.” Spock had that look on his face like he was up to something. Jim waited for him to continue. “The planning of the second ceremony is complete. The crew needs two hours to set up and then will be prepared.”

 

Jim turned to look at the commander. “You got a whole wedding done in seven hours?”

 

Spock tilted his head. “It was a collaborative effort.” He looked patiently at his mate. “Does the crew have your permission to begin setting up?”

 

Jim waved his hand. “Sure. Knock yourselves out.”

 

Spock nodded to Uhura, who was tidying up her station for the evening. Then he looked back to Jim. “Captain, I stand ready to relieve you.”

 

Jim did a double-take. “Wait, if you’re on the bridge, who am I marrying?”

 

Spock had a shrewd look on his face again. “Lieutenant Demarcus has asked for the honor of standing my watch during the ceremony.”

 

“Demarcus?” Jim thought for a moment. “Oh. The other Sciences-Command dual officer. She’s good. That’s great, I guess. What am I supposed to do until the big moment?”

 

His husband gave a small shrug. “I believe your orders are to not disturb the crew in their efforts.”

 

“Stay out of the way?” Jim rephrased.

 

“Precisely.” Spock nodded. Jim slapped him on the arm and walked off the bridge. Maybe he could catch a nap. He still felt pretty weak after that disaster on Tirealla. Jim walked to his quarters and went in. It was quite hot in there now, but Jim knew it was for a greater cause. He took off his uniform, folded it up, and lay down on top of the bed. He was asleep before he realized it.


	35. Nervous Nightmares

In his dream, Jim was holding hands with Spock on the bridge. Everything was great. Then Admirals Komack and Nogura came on the bridge. One stood behind each man and began to pull them apart. Jim scrabbled for Spock’s hand. His fingers were slipping though.

 

“ _SPOCK!”_ he cried, and then he was being shaken.

 

“Jim.” Spock smoothed Jim’s hair back. “Jim, wake up. You are experiencing a nightmare.”

 

Jim rolled over and gasped. His throat was killing him and he was covered in a cold sweat. “How long have I been out?”

 

Spock helped him sit up. “You have been asleep approximately two hours. I came to tell you we have half an hour to prepare for our second wedding.”

 

Jim shivered. “Oh. Okay. Uh, I need a shower. Want to join me?” He seemed to perk up at this idea.

 

Spock shook his head. “I doubt either of us would get clean and more than likely someone would be injured in the process.” He gave a small smile to his mate.

 

“Rats. No shower sex. Okay. I’ll be right back.” Jim got up and went into the bathroom to take his shower. When he returned, Spock had laid out both their dress uniforms and was pinning the ribbons on Jim’s jacket.

 

“Your turn,” Jim called. Spock nodded and picked up the jacket, making sure the ribbons were on straight. Then he laid it back down carefully and went into the bathroom for his shower. While he was in the shower, Jim returned the favor and hung Spock’s ribbons on his jacket. He was just straightening one when Spock came back out in just his underwear.

  
Jim growled playfully. “Yum. Can we get married like _this_?”

 

Spock stopped and gave his partner a long-suffering look. “Get ready, Jim.”

 

“I am!” Jim protested.

 

“Put your _uniform_ on, James.” Spock began dressing. Then he waited for his mate. When they were done, Spock nodded to the door. “Are you prepared?”

 

Jim nodded. “I’m nervous all over again though.” They walked to the transporter room and beamed down.

  
They arrived at Sarek’s house, in the front. Two ensigns met them and told them to stay put; apparently the wedding was being held behind Sarek’s house. There was the sound of music being played softly over loudspeakers and murmuring voices, most likely the crew. Finally the ensigns brought them to the very back of the house.

 

“You’ll both walk up the aisle when your cue happens,” one of the ensigns told them.

 

The music ended and there was silence for a moment, then another song began playing. After a short wait the ensigns motioned to Jim and Spock to walk down the aisle.

 


	36. Ladies And Gentlemen, You Are Cordially Invited To The Wedding Of The Galaxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The processional song is "Answer" by Sarah McLachlan. I highly recommend you listen to it. It is my love song for Jim and Spock.

There was a projection screen at the front, and pictures began flashing on it as Uhura began to sing.

 

“ _I will be the answer at the end of the line.”_ There was a picture of Jim and Spock, standing shoulder to shoulder on the bridge. Whatever they were facing, they were doing it together. Jim smiled.

 

“ _I will be there for you while you take the time.”_ The next picture was of Jim sitting in the Captain’s chair with Spock standing by his side. That was their usual position on the bridge. That was how most of the crew pictured them.

 

“ _In the burning of uncertainty, I will be your solid ground.”_ There was a shot of Spock leaning in to whisper to Jim. Jim wondered idly what Spock had been saying. Still, the picture made him smile.

 

“ _I will hold the balance if you can’t look down.”_ There was a candid shot of Spock reaching down to Jim to help him up when they had been sparring in the gym. Spock wondered who had taken that picture.

 

“ _If it takes my whole life, I won’t break I won’t bend.”_ Now it showed Jim leaning in a doorway chatting with Spock. It was such a casual moment that Jim had to fight not to laugh. That was so _them._

 

“ _It’ll all be worth it, worth it in the end.”_ Here was a picture of Jim leaning over the science station. It had taken Spock months to get used to him doing that. Now he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

“ _Cause I can only tell you what I know, that I need you in my life.”_ Wow. Someone had captured a shot of Jim and Spock playing chess in the rec room, early in the mission. Jim reminisced for a moment.

 

“ _When the stars have all gone out you’ll still be burning so bright.”_ Nice. Now there was another candid picture of Jim and Spock standing on the observation deck, looking out at the stars. Beautiful.

 

“ _Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind.”_ Jim swallowed. It was a picture of him sitting at Spock’s bed side after Spock had been hurt. Jim remembered how he had felt then.

 

“ _Take me to a place so holy that I can wash this from my mind.”_ Now it was Spock’s turn to remember. He was sitting at Jim’s bed side. The anguish was plain to see on Spock’s face in the picture.

 

“ _The memory of choosing not to fight.”_ Jim could see Uhura now. She looked stunning. She winked at him.

 

“ _If it takes my whole life, I won’t break I won’t bend.”_ Spock tried not to smile. The screen was showing one of those times Jim had asked Spock for a high five, and Spock had stared him down. So funny now.

 

“ _It’ll all be worth it, worth it in the end.”_ Spock recalled this picture. In it, he was teaching Jim how to properly give the _ta’al_ to a Vulcan dignitary. It had taken most of the afternoon for him to get it right.

 

“ _Cause I can only tell you what I know, that I need you in my life.”_ What a shot. Spock was apparently arguing with Jim in the transporter room. That was from the beginning of the mission. Jim smiled.

 

“ _When the stars have all burned out you’ll still be burning so bright.”_ Whatever had happened in this picture, Spock’s eyebrow was raised and Jim had his face in his palm. Spock wondered what it was.

 

“ _Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind.”_ Jim and Spock were at the end of the aisle. The final picture was one of the two of them looking at each other. Jim was smiling in the picture. Jim blinked back tears and nodded to Uhura, who took her seat in the audience.

 

The ship’s chaplain walked in front of Jim and Spock. “Beings, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two lives that have touched us all. James Tiberius Kirk and Spock of Vulcan. They have asked you all to join them in this celebration.”

 

“Marriage is not to be undertaken lightly. Blending two lives together takes work. It takes commitment on a scale many are not prepared for. However, Jim and Spock have never opted for the easy route in life. They have chosen to meet every challenge head-on and prefer to live life to its fullest.”

 

The chaplain looked out at the complement of Starfleet officers and Vulcan citizens in the audience. “Jim and Spock have worked together, side by side, for a year and a half now. Their relationship has grown from uneasy co-workers to teammates to friends and now they are spouses. You have all watched them develop their love for one another and it is fitting that you are here today to watch them fortify their commitment to one another.”

 

There was a pause and the chaplain looked out on the crowd. “Who speaks for these men?”

 

McCoy stood in the front row. “I speak for Jim.”

 

Sarek stood beside him. “I speak for Spock.”

 

Then the chaplain looked back at the couple. “Jim, Spock, now you will recite your own vows. I understand this was intended to be spontaneous. Don’t be nervous. Just say what’s on your mind. Spock?”

 

Spock swallowed and looked at Jim. “Jim.” He paused and nodded. “I remember you insisting I call you by your first name when we began working with one another. I did not wish to overstep my bounds. Now I feel honored to call you by your chosen name. I am honored to stand by your side, whether in the line of duty or in our personal lives. I am extremely honored that you have chosen to spend your life with me.”

 

Jim smiled, and Spock continued. “I want to protect you from all harm. I want to encourage you to follow your dreams. You once referred to me as your best friend. I believe that position is already filled. However, I will gladly take my place as your husband, from now until we are no more.” Spock closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I am yours.”

 

There was silence, except one or two people blowing their noses. Jim smiled. “Jim?” the chaplain prompted.

 

Jim looked into those deep, dark eyes. “Spock, I wasn’t sure how to react to you at first. You infuriated me, you annoyed me, and you were a pain in my neck. But what I didn’t realize was you were challenging me to be better. You held me to a higher standard. I hold myself to a new standard now. I want to be your cheerleader. I want to be your soft place to land when everything has gone wrong. I want to help you live your dreams and always be there for you no matter what. I heard you say this to me once and I find it fitting. ‘You are the other side of me.’ I love you, Spock. For always.” Jim fell silent, blinking back stinging tears.

 

The chaplain smiled at them. “Spock, will you take this man to be your spouse from this day forward; will you honor him, and cherish him, and support him in all that he does?”

 

Spock nodded. “I will.”

 

“Jim,” the chaplain said, “will you take this man to be your spouse from this day forward; will you honor him, cherish him, and support him in all he does?”

 

Jim had to swallow before he could speak. “Yes. I will.”

 

“It is my privilege as ship’s chaplain to reaffirm your commitment and I am proud to proclaim you spouses.” The chaplain began to clap and the crew stood up on their feet cheering. Jim looked out and took a deep breath. Spock lowered his head for a moment in embarrassment. The bridge crew rushed up as a group and surrounded them.

 

“Congratulations, sirs!” Chekov was ecstatic. Sulu gave a loud cheer and Jim laughed. McCoy stayed at the back, fighting to regain his composure. Scotty gave the couple an enthusiastic thumbs-up and went back to the reception area. Uhura sashayed her way up to the pair.

 

“I hope you know how much you’re loved. Both of you. Now, let’s get this reception underway. It’s almost twenty-hundred ship’s time and some of us have bedtimes, you crazy lovebirds.” Uhura gave a gentle push to the captain and winked at Spock.

 

Jim and Spock wandered through the reception, thanking everyone for attending. Both of them seemed to mysteriously avoid the punch, opting for water instead -- even Jim. Spock introduced his bondmate to the clan members who had attended both ceremonies but not had the privilege of meeting him in person. Scotty took a picture of the couple and promised to post it on the ship’s server; Sarek quietly asked for a copy of the picture as well.

 

Jim stepped away from his husband for a moment and tracked down McCoy, who was standing looking out over the desert.

 

“Hey man,” Jim whispered. McCoy looked at him sideways, still embarrassed at his earlier tears. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah.” McCoy’s voice was strangled.

 

Jim slung an arm around the doctor’s shoulders. “I hope you know how much you mean to me. And Spock meant what he said. He’s not about to take your place in my life.” He squeezed gently and then stood with his hands behind his back.

 

“Jim, I wish you all the happiness in the world. I really do. And I’ll say this right here and now: if that bastard hurts you, I’ll do things to him he didn’t even know were medically possible,” McCoy growled.

 

Jim gave a soft laugh. “I’ll repeat you verbatim. Hey. Bones. Thank you so much.” Jim cleared his throat. “I hope you know I’m going to be darkening your door with my usual enthusiasm--”

 

“Meaning you’ll still be doing dumb-ass stunts on away missions and expecting me to patch you up?” McCoy grinned.

 

“Nah. Well, yeah, but I also mean you, me, and a bottle of Southern Comfort are going to have a standing appointment.” Jim looked down. “I don’t want anything to change between us, Bones.”

 

McCoy shook his head. “It’s gonna change, kid. But we won’t lose each other. You mean too much to me.” Then he coughed. “Okay, go back to your space elf. I’m tired of you.” His words had no heat.

 

Jim clapped him on the arm. “I’ll see ya around, man.”

 

Spock stood on the edge of the crowd, watching the people uncertainly. He sensed someone approaching him and turned. Uhura was standing beside him.

 

“Hey. How are you holding up?” she asked gently. Spock tilted his head. She nodded. “Yeah. It’s a little overwhelming. You know, two years ago I wouldn’t have expected to be singing at your wedding. I would have expected to have a different role.”

 

Spock lowered his eyes. “I am sad that I could not be what you needed, Nyota.” He gripped his hands behind his back.

 

She looked at him quickly. “Oh, no no no Spock. I’m saying _two years ago_ I wanted to marry you. Now I can’t imagine you with anyone else but Kirk.” She reached out and rubbed his arm softly. “You know, I think I knew about you two before anyone else did,” she admitted.

 

“I have no doubt,” Spock replied. “You once referred to him as my ‘boyfriend’. We did not become involved for another six months.” His eyes glittered in the bright afternoon sun.

 

“Clairvoyant,” she supplied. “A woman knows these things.” Uhura looked around. “Where is the other groom anyway?”

 

Spock glanced out across the crowd. “He had a personal matter he wished to discuss with the doctor.”

 

Uhura sighed. “Those two have been thick as thieves since the Academy. You know we owe the esteemed doctor our lives,” she continued.

 

“Indeed. He has serviced us faithfully.” Spock nodded.

 

Uhura shook her head though. “No, Spock, I’m talking about the fact that McCoy snuck Kirk on the _Enterprise_ during the _Narada_ mission. If he hadn’t done that none of us would be here.”

 

A chill swept over Spock and he fought the urge to shiver. “I am aware of that. I am extremely grateful to the doctor for that. I always shall be.”

 

Uhura shrugged. “Well, a lot of things had to go right to bring us to this point. I might not have understood it then but I’m so glad it happened this way now. Listen, I’m going back to the ship. You two have fun, and try not to stay up all night. Afternoon. Whatever. This planet gives me transporter lag,” she complained. “Bye, sugar.”

 

“Goodbye, Nyota,” Spock answered gravely.

 

Spock stood there quietly before another person came up to speak to him. He turned to find his counterpart beside him.

 

“Spock,” Solion began softly.

 

“Ambassador,” Spock answered.

 

The two stood together for a moment before Solion began speaking again. “ _Tomasu,_ ” he called his fellow clansman, “the terrifying ordeal you just weathered will unfortunately be more the norm than not in your relationship with Jim. Do what you must to protect him, but do not place blame upon yourself when the inevitable happens and he is injured.”

 

“I will try,” Spock responded.

 

Solion nodded. “Jim will berate himself for the times you are injured as well. During those precious moments when you are not in the midst of a red alert and you do not have Klingons firing upon you, build your relationship. It takes work, but it is worth it.” He fell silent for a moment before giving one last statement. “I believe your mother would have been proud.” Solion moved off, blending in the crowd. Spock blinked after him.

 

He turned to walk and find his husband when someone stepped in his path. He looked up to see his clan Matriarch, T’ella.

 

“Spock,” she intoned.

 

“T’ella,” he answered in kind.

 

“This is what humans do for matrimonial purposes?” T’ella questioned.

 

Spock tilted his head. “I am not aware. I have only attended two weddings, both of which were for active-duty Starfleet couples of different species aboard our ship. This is my first Terran wedding.”

 

T’ella gave a small smile. “I am intrigued. I would appreciate the opportunity to study these activities closer. Perhaps a research trip to Earth….” She trailed off, waiting to see her younger clansman’s response.

 

“Very well. However, I urge you to be prepared for the accessories involved. Kleenexes, rice to be thrown at the couple, pictures, toasts to be attended--” Spock rattled off.

 

“How do you know all this, child?” T’ella was amused.

 

“There is a phenomenon my mother introduced me to called the ‘soap opera’. If you wish to study humans in their native environment, you may want to watch them as well.” Spock caught sight of Jim and nodded to the Matriarch. “Excuse me.”

 

Jim was being very enthusiastically hugged by the lieutenant commander from Engineering. “Oh you are so lucky! You make such a wonderful couple! Awww!” she exclaimed, patting Jim’s cheek.

 

“Thank you, Mary Ellen. I’m glad you approve,” Jim choked out. After one last squeeze she let him go and he stood frozen until a familiar shadow walked up beside him.

 

“I am so ready to leave,” Jim whispered.

 

“As am I, _ashayam._ If you will follow me I will call for beam-out,” Spock answered just as softly. They walked over to the corner of the house and Spock flipped open his communicator. “Spock to _Enterprise._ Two to beam aboard.” With a faint shimmering of light the two disappeared from the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll stop posting for now; take a break. Just wanted to get you through the wedding. I'll post more tomorrow.


	37. Sha-la-la-la Life Goes On

The transporter officer was grinning from ear to ear when they rematerialized. “Congratulations, sirs!” he gushed, saluting.

 

“At ease, kiddo. Thanks. Listen, if anyone asks, we went to bed, okay?” Jim winked at his subordinate.

 

“Absolutely sirs. You won’t be disturbed for anything less than the end of life as we know it. I’m so happy for you, sirs!” The chief saluted again.

 

“Yeah, thanks again,” Jim answered, meeting his husband at the doorway. They walked down the hall to the lift. “Whew. I need a break. You think we’re going to get anything worthwhile done for the next couple of days?”

 

“It is highly unlikely,” Spock admitted. They got off the lift and to their quarters—

 

\--which were decorated in the worst way humanly possible. Bunting and streamers lined the hall to the door of their cabins, and both doors were decorated with stickers. Spock sighed and Jim shrugged at him.

 

“Sorry, hon, they’ll calm down in a day or two.” Under his breath, Jim added, “I hope.”

 

They went into Jim’s quarters and got ready for bed. When they were done with everything they climbed back into the tiny bed.

 

“Remind me to talk to Scotty tomorrow about a new bed,” Jim mumbled. Spock grunted in response. They drifted off to sleep, tangled in each other’s limbs and very happy.

 

It was their second—and last--night in asylum.

 

* * *

 

Jim opened his eyes and felt a soft breath against his cheek. Focusing his eyes in the dark, he saw a slanted eyebrow in front of him. He reached up to kiss it. The head shifted and the face burrowed into Jim’s neck. Jim smiled.

 

“Hey sleepyhead. Wake up,” Jim called softly.

 

Spock took a deep breath and opened his eyes. “ _Ashayam,_ what are you doing up? It is only oh-five-thirty-two.”

 

“Couldn’t sleep,” was the distracted response. “I’m kinda nervous about today.”

 

Spock propped himself up on an elbow. “What makes you nervous?”

 

Jim rolled over awkwardly until he had his back to his husband. “The Admiralty has never been a fan of mine. Now I’ve really pissed them off. We’re going to get milk runs for the rest of the five-year mission if this keeps up,” he finished.

 

Spock pressed a kiss into the back of Jim’s neck. “You did not ‘piss them off’ as you so colorfully put it. Again I remind you, the only time orders were not obeyed was under my watch, and no one will have to answer for that. Do not trouble yourself.”

 

Jim climbed out of bed and Spock rolled over on his back. “I’m just gonna get ready and go to the bridge. Do a little thinking,” Jim muttered. Spock didn’t answer so Jim walked into the bathroom to get ready.

  
When Jim came back out, the bed was made and the room was empty. Spock was probably over in his quarters getting ready. Jim walked back into the bathroom and knocked on the connecting door.

 

“Hey Spock?”

 

“Enter.” Spock was sitting at his desk, looking at pictures on his computer.

 

“Whatcha doing?” Jim asked, walking up to Spock’s side.

 

“Ensign Aalbaea has posted the informal pictures from our wedding.” Spock scooted over so Jim could see.

 

Jim took a breath of contentment. “Wow. I look nervous,” he commented.

 

“You look wonderful, _t’hy’la._ However, you appear to be extremely emotional in this picture.” Spock pointed to one shot in particular.

 

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “I was saying my vows to you. I couldn’t believe it; there were so many things I wanted to tell you and the only thing that came to mind at that moment was how much I love you.”

 

“It appears you were not the only emotional one,” Spock added, pointing to another picture.

 

Jim laughed. “Yeah, Bones acts all rough and tough but he’s really a big teddy bear. What you said about somebody else being my best friend really got to him,” Jim told his husband.

 

“Your connection with the doctor is long-standing and deep. I would not want to deprive you of it.” Spock shut down the computer. “Would you like to go to the bridge now?”

 

Jim nodded. “Yeah, let’s relieve Gamma a little early. I switched your schedule. You’re on my schedule until things calm down and I don’t need you in my pocket 24/7.”

 

As they walked out, Spock sighed. “I would not fit there regardless.” Jim smacked his arm.

 

When they walked onto the bridge, the ensign standing watch stood up abruptly. “Captain on the bridge!” he squeaked.

 

“At ease, Ensign. We’re just here to take her off your hands early. Nothing better to do,” Jim remarked.

 

“But sir, your honeymoon….” The officer trailed off.

 

“If you put the one we had on New Vulcan and the one we had here together, they add up to enough. Anything to report?” Jim sat in the chair.

 

“No sir. All personnel accounted for; all departments have been notified of impending ship’s movement at oh-eight-hundred. The only injury report on Gamma shift was a broken leg in the gymnasium.” The ensign stood by nervously.

 

“First time taking the conn?” Jim asked gently.

 

“Aye sir.” The man shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

 

Jim peered up at his subordinate. “You did good, mister. You should do this more often. Put a request through your division commander. I can see you running a ship like this someday.” Jim smiled.

 

The other man beamed. “Yes sir. Absolutely, sir. Thank you.”

 

Jim waved a hand. “You’re dismissed. Have a good rest.”

 

Spock walked over to the science station where his coworker was wrapping up his last report. “I’m ready, sir, I just need to send this report and...” The lieutenant-commander swept his hand across the board in an orderly fashion. “…it’s all yours, sir.”

 

The Vulcan nodded. “Thank you. I relieve you.” Spock sat down in the recently vacated chair to log onto the computer and pull up the report _he_ had been working on. He was starting a paper about making a preparatory course for psi null species to learn to defend themselves if necessary. There were advanced hand-to-hand combat training courses at Starfleet Academy; it followed logically there should be mental defense classes. He sent the gist to his partner through the bond.

 

What Jim sent back made no sense. ‘Defense Against the Dark Arts’ and someone named Harry Potter? Was that someone Spock should be speaking to about this?

 

Jim began chuckling over in the center seat and Spock realized Jim had been joking. Spock looked at the ceiling and returned to his paper, which was very real and quite important. Jim frowned for a second and out of nowhere said, “Sorry, Spock.” The rest of the bridge crew looked up but returned to their work. There were fifteen minutes until shift change.

 

Uhura walked out on the bridge first. Her hair was down, although she had a scrunchy around her wrist. “Hey,” she said to the woman at the communications station.

 

“Hello, Lieutenant. No messages from Starfleet Command; two anomaly reports have been forwarded to the science station. Communications log prepared for leaving New Vulcan space.” The woman stood up and turned off her earpiece and put it in her pocket; Uhura turned her device on and synched it with the board. She turned to face the captain while pulling her long tresses into a neat ponytail.

 

Jim was momentarily dumbstruck. He had never seen Uhura with her hair down. She glanced at him again. “What?” she asked, annoyed.

 

“Oh, nothing. You look particularly stunning today, Lieutenant.” Jim gave her a leering smile.

 

“You, dear boy, are married now. I’d rather not take your attention away from your husband,” she added, pointing subtly to the science station. Spock was glaring at the captain.

 

“Oh. Yeah.” Jim laughed weakly. “Sorry about that,” he said, meaning it for no one in particular. Both parties nodded and turned back away.

 

Sulu and Chekov showed up together, chatting about some botany project Sulu was working on. The Gamma shift navigator whispered something quietly about the upcoming movement, then stood up and moved aside for Chekov to sit down. Chekov pulled out his cloth and started polishing the console again. Sulu gave his station keeper a thumbs-up and they talked briefly about the impending move before they traded places.


	38. And The Fighting Begins (Or Never Ends)

At oh-eight-hundred Jim looked around to make sure everyone was in his or her place. “Okay, Pavel, let’s go through the announcements.”

 

Chekov gave his spiel quickly and professionally. As was common, everyone listened because Captain Kirk was infamous for leaving interesting tidbits in the middle of the news. Today he had proclaimed it to be Intergalactic Tapioca Pudding Day. The crew grinned. When the announcements were over, the day had officially begun.

 

Jim looked around one last time before heading up to the comm. station. “Anything?” he whispered. Uhura shook her head. “Maybe we missed it?” he ventured. Again she shook her head. “Then what do we do?” he asked in general.

 

“Captain, perhaps--” Spock started to say something when the board chimed and everyone’s attention zoomed in on the officer there. She held her finger to the earpiece and then nodded.

 

“Captain, you have an incoming transmission from Starfleet Command,” Uhura spoke clearly.

 

“That’s what we were waiting for. Patch us through,” Jim ordered.

 

Admiral Komack’s scowling face came on the screen. “Captain Kirk, have you decided to leave asylum yet?” He wasn’t very pleasant about it.

 

Jim grimaced slightly. “Yes, sir. We’re awaiting our next orders.”

 

“Well don’t get too excited. Report back to Earth, Starbase One, for the upcoming trial. Do you and Commander Spock want lawyers present before your testimony?” He glared at them.

 

Jim opened his mouth but Spock beat him to it. “Yes, sir.” Spock came over to the center area and stood at Jim’s side.

 

Komack sighed. “Is that answer for both of you? You _do_ still make your own decisions, don’t you Captain?”

 

Spock wanted to step in again but realized this was Jim’s fight. Jim gritted his teeth and smiled. “I see nothing wrong with making a joint decision when it affects both of us. I remain in control of this ship, however. Don’t you worry, _sir_.”

 

“Alright. We’ll be expecting you in five hours. Less, if your Chief Engineer is up to his old tricks. Report to the JAG office when you arrive.” Komack signed off and the screen went clear again.

 

Jim shot a very dark look at his husband and Spock wisely retreated to the science station. Jim turned back to Chekov and gave his best false smile. “Hey, whiz kid. Can you get us back to Starbase One?”

 

“Aye sir. Course entered.” Chekov looked back at Spock in sympathy.

 

“Cool. Sulu, sounds like he’s asking us to do Warp Six until we get closer. Take off, mister.” Jim waved his hand to the pilot and Sulu eased the ship through the levels of warp speed.

 

Two hours into the trip, Spock was still slightly concerned about the earlier incident. Jim knew he would never try to take the ship away from him, right? They always joked about there being two captains to the ship but Spock didn’t really want to be in command. This was an isolated incident. Jim was about to put his pride ahead of his rights and declare he didn’t need a lawyer. Jim _did_ need a lawyer, and a good one, because this very easily could become a case against Jim and his style of command.

 

Jim watched his husband carefully. What was Spock thinking, answering like that? Didn’t he trust Jim to make the right decision? He wasn’t stupid. He knew he needed a lawyer. Spock had set them up to look like the commander was running things now that they were married. Jim’s pride flared up and he narrowed his eyes. Nobody spoke for James Tiberius Kirk. Nobody.

 

“Okay, uh, Commander, Captain, would you like to go in the other room and have a discussion?” Uhura commented, looking back and forth between the two.

 

“No, we’re fine,” Jim answered sharply.

 

“Then can you stop sending rays of death to Spock through your eyes? You’re freaking out your bridge crew.” Uhura turned away again. Jim sighed and turned his back to the science station.

 

When Jim looked up, he noticed Sulu and Chekov were doing their best to not be noticed. His heart sank a little. “Hey guys, I’m sorry, okay?” he pleaded.

 

Chekov turned around slowly. “I am guessing you von’t stop fighting just because you are married?”

 

Jim sighed. “Spock and I are like a finely tuned performance engine. We run better when we’re hot.” Sulu snorted in disbelief and Jim looked at him. “What?”

 

“Sir, you’re about to do the same dog and pony show you did after the Romulan delegates were here. We could hear you both yelling three decks away. The crew was on its own private red alert for a week trying to figure out if Spock was going to try to kill you again.” Sulu shrugged casually. “I had money down that he would eject you off the ship again.”  
  


Jim was flabbergasted. “We’re really that bad?” He glanced up at Spock. Spock looked just as shocked.

 

“Captain, honestly you two don’t always get along that well,” Uhura began. “That’s why most of us weren't surprised that you were getting married. Anyone who spends _that much time_ trying to either impress someone or outdo them has issues.” She shot a look to the science station. “That goes for you both.”

 

Jim was chagrined. “But he’s my other half. I can’t operate without him. I didn’t realize we fought so much. All I remember are the good times,” he finished weakly.

 

Spock’s eyes were soft. “I, too, have difficulty remembering the wrongs we commit against one another. I trust him. He is my captain and I would have no other.”

 

Jim smiled up at him. “I’m sorry I got mad.”

 

“I apologize for overstepping my bounds,” Spock replied.

 

“There. Now we can get back to work,” Uhura sighed dramatically.

 


	39. Lawyers Are A Pain Anywhere

They got to the edge of the Sol system and Jim called to drop to sublight. “Spock, have you spoken to the other members that were in the landing party at Tirealla?” he asked his First Officer.

 

“Yes, Captain. The other four members have been called to testify. Three of them have responded to the summons; one has not.” Spock left it up to the captain to figure out who was holding up the party.

 

“Bones,” Jim uttered playfully. “Hang on.” He paged Sickbay.

 

“McCoy here,” came the response.

  
“Bones. Have you checked your mail recently?” Jim grinned at his partner.

 

“No. You know I refuse to check it unless I’m expecting something. Why, did you send me a thank you card?” McCoy fussed.

 

“Check your mail, doctor. You’ve got a surprise.” Jim shut off the intercom. Three minutes later there was a chime on the board and Uhura patched the call through to the captain’s chair.

 

“Jim, what the hell is this?” McCoy growled. “I haven’t got time to be playing patty-cake with the Judge Advocate General’s office. What do they want? _The short version, Captain,”_ he stressed.

 

“They want to hear your account of what happened on Tirealla.” Jim waited for that to process and the next barrage of curses to come back.

 

“What _happened_ at Tirealla?” The doctor barked a harsh laugh. “Some alien tried to scramble your brains and your darling second-in-command was too polite to put a phaser burst through its skull. Sound about right? Oh, that’s right. You don’t _remember._ ” The speaker went silent.

 

Jim looked abashed. “That doesn’t matter. What you saw and what you did afterward is the issue. I need you to testify for me. No crew should ever be endangered like that again.” Jim appealed to the doctor’s sensibilities.

 

There was a sigh on the other end. “Do I have to wear my dress uniform?” McCoy complained.

 

Jim grinned. “As far as I’m concerned you can wear the scrubs you’ve got on now. Just--” Jim broke off. “Try not to piss off too many people in the JAG office. They _are_ on our side, remember.”

 

“Aye aye, _Captain._ ” The connection was cut.

 

“That went well,” Jim remarked to Spock, who raised an eyebrow in reply.

 

“Sir, we are on approach to Starbase One,” Sulu called out.

 

Jim stood and turned to Uhura. “Request permission to dock, Lieutenant.” She did as he turned back to Sulu. “One quarter impulse for approach,” he called out.

 

“One quarter impulse, aye sir.” Sulu eased the great machine back.

 

Uhura looked up. “Starbase acknowledges and we will be docking on port six. Tractor beam on standby.”

 

Jim nodded. “Take us in, Sulu.”

 

The ship made a quiet, easy dock to the base and all systems were put on automatic. A hush fell over the bridge and Jim cleared his throat.

 

“Guess I’d better call Scotty,” Jim remarked to himself. He paged the engineer and sat back down. When the Scotsman came on the bridge Jim jumped up with an enthusiasm he didn’t really feel. “You’ve got the conn, Scotty. We’ll be on the base for a while. Keep her here for us.”

 

“Aye, Cap’n. You go do us proud, sir.” Scotty sat in the seat and pulled up a mechanical journal on his padd.

 

Jim and Spock beamed onto the base and walked to the JAG office. “You ready for this?” Jim asked his husband.

 

“I am, sir.” Spock sounded his usual confident self, but secretly he was still worried that this incident would be turned against the captain. He kept his feelings shielded from the bond.

 

A very petite woman stood from behind a tall desk to greet them. She was about four inches taller than the equipment in front of her. “May I help you?”

 

“Captain Kirk and Commander Spock to see …” Jim started. Who were they supposed to see?

 

“Oh, sirs, right this way,” she answered as if he had completed his statement. She ushered them into a small conference room and shut the door behind them. They looked at each other uneasily before sitting down.

 

A woman came in and sat down primly at the head of the table. “You are bringing a charge of criminal negligence against Vice-Admiral Jeanne-Marie Cooley. Captain Kirk, you are the primary plaintiff. Commander Spock, you are co-plaintiff. You have a second co-plaintiff who has not arrived yet.” She stopped and pressed the intercom button. “Clyde, when do you expect the third party in the Kirk-Cooley case?”

 

“He’s right here, ma’am, we just need to have him sign his paperwork.” The older gentleman answered quickly and she sat back.

 

After five nerve-wracking minutes Jim heard a tapping noise coming down the hall. His heart began to race and he looked at Spock and said, “No….”

 

The door opened and in walked Admiral Christopher Pike. Jim jumped from his seat and ran to the older man, hand outstretched.

 

“Chris! Oh thank God, I was so scared they wouldn’t let me talk to you!” Jim was quite relieved. Spock stood in respect for the higher official but remained silent.

 

Pike switched hands for his cane and shook Jim’s hand. “It’s okay, son, I know this has been an ordeal for you. For you both,” he corrected. “And on your honeymoon. I am so sorry, kids.” He sat in a chair beside Jim. Spock sat on Jim’s other side.

 

“We need to begin,” said the woman. She pulled out a mini-recorder and put it on the table, pressing a button quickly. “Case number 2-8198.48, Kirk et al versus Cooley. Charge is criminal negligence. Present are Captain James Tiberius Kirk, Commander--” she stopped abruptly and paused the device. “I can’t pronounce your full name, Commander. Do you mind being referred to as Commander Spock?” She blushed furiously.

 

“Not many non-Vulcans _can_ pronounce it, counselor. It will not offend me to be referred to as Commander Spock.” Spock was ever-so-slightly amused at her frustration.

 

She resumed the taping. “Commander Spock and Admiral Christopher Anthony Pike. Parties represented in sum by Commander Destiny Michelle Sonata. We begin the briefing.” Commander Sonata turned to the three men. “Captain, we’ll start with you. I understand your knowledge of the incident is limited by your injury. Please tell us what you remember, precisely; do not repeat anything else you have been told.”

 

Jim sighed and thought back. “Well, I remember I was--” He paused. “This is a little personal.”

 

“You need to be as specific as possible, Captain. Our case may rest on the very details you provide.” Sonata nodded to him.

 

Jim cleared his throat. “Okay. I was on my honeymoon. It was something like eight or nine in the morning on New Vulcan--”

 

“Why were you on New Vulcan, Captain?” the attorney broke in.

 

Jim sighed. “My second-in-command--”

  
“Use titles and names please, Captain.” Sonata was thorough.

 

There was another sigh. “Okay, Commander Spock had invited me to come home with him on the winter stand-down. I didn’t have any plans, so I agreed.” He looked over at his husband.

 

“Were the two of you romantically involved at the time?” Sonata had retrieved a padd and was taking notes furiously.

 

Jim gawked at her. “Um, is this relevant to the case?”

 

She nodded. “The defendant will more than likely counter with a charge of emotional compromise against Commander Spock. We need to know where things stood at what time.”

 

Jim grated his teeth and Spock put a gentle hand on Jim’s leg under the table. “Okay. No. We were not romantically involved when I went to New Vulcan. We were married three days later.” He blushed a little. “Okay, so can I go back to when Starfleet called?” Sonata nodded. “Okay, so about eight or nine in the morning on New Vulcan, which was….” He thought for a second. “Something like five p.m. ship’s time on the 27th. Anyway, I get a call from my communications officer that I was needed back on the _Enterprise_ for a set of sealed orders. They had sent a shuttle already.”

 

Jim took a breath and continued. “We went back--”

 

“ _We_ who, Captain?”

 

There was no answer for a moment, and then the sound of a foot beginning to jiggle under the table. “ _Commander Spock and I_ went back to the ship--”

 

“Why did you both return at that time?”

 

“Are you just going to keep interrupting me?” Jim shot back.

 

“Jim…” Spock’s voice was a soft warning. Jim dropped a closed fist on the table.

 

“Okay, I asked Commander Spock to return to the ship with me because I prefer to have my First Officer present if I’m being given orders. May I continue?” He snarked. Sonata waved her stylus at him. “Well, we got to the ship and the sealed orders were just instructions to call Chris--”

 

“Admiral Pike,” Sonata gently corrected.

 

“ _Admiral Pike_ ,” Jim ground out. “The orders were instructions from _Admiral Pike_ to call him in person.” Jim paused to wait for the inevitable intrusion. When there was silence he continued. “It was already eleven at night so I decided we would call Ch—Admiral Pike the next day. So we did. We called around seven in the morning. I know because it was an hour earlier than start-of-business but I knew he’d be in his office already.”

 

This time Sonata got Jim’s attention before speaking. “Did you receive any other orders or were there any other actions taken yet?”

 

“No. Yes!” Jim corrected. “Starbase 15 needed us to move off-station so another ship could come in for repairs. That was before I was on the bridge. I told my helmsman to take care of it and that I’d be right up.” He thought back. “That happened half an hour before the call to Chris. _Admiral Pike_ ,” he restated. He was getting used to having to refer to everyone by their full title and name.


	40. Don't Give It Away

Commander Sonata held up a finger and then pointed to the end of the group. “Admiral Pike, I would like your accounting of the next part. So Captain Kirk called you….”

 

The admiral sat up a little straighter. “Yes, Captain Kirk contacted me as instructed--”

 

“Was he alone when he contacted you?” Sonata was making notes again.

 

Pike looked at her a little cross. “No. I asked him if his…” Pike looked at the pair, embarrassed. “I asked if his First Officer was with him.”

 

“Why did you do that?” Sonata responded. Pike frowned. Jim was glad he wasn’t the only one getting frustrated with the attorney.

 

Pike thought about how to best phrase it. “It has been a known fact in the Admiralty that on the _Enterprise_ , where the captain goes you’ll find the First Officer right beside him. Jim and Spock--”

 

“Cap--” Sonata began to correct the admiral.

 

“Yeah, okay, Captain Kirk and Commander Spock. Those two have worked together very closely since the beginning of their five-year mission. I wouldn’t have given a set of orders that Commander Spock couldn’t hear anyway. There’s no point in it; Captain Kirk tells Commander Spock everything.”

 

At this point the attorney got a very shrewd look on her face. “Wait, are you telling me that Captain Kirk purposely discloses confidential orders to Commander Spock, either against or without orders to do so?”

 

The three men fell silent. There wasn’t even a discussion across the bond between Jim and Spock; everyone had decided to clam up at the same time. Commander Sonata blew out a frustrated breath and shut off the recording device.

 

“Gentlemen.” She looked the three over carefully. “We in the JAG office are not interested in prosecuting any of you for any crime at this time. Nor will any information you release be used against a party at a later date. We are solely interested in bringing a single charge of criminal negligence against Vice-Admiral Cooley. Now, I need to be prepared if the defense attorney comes out swinging with allegations that something wrong was committed by one of you three.”

 

She paused dramatically. “Commander, I won’t say your little stunt with the _Enterprise_ disobeying direct orders has endeared you to the Admiralty. However, they were _convinced_ by the Vulcan High Council that neither the Commander nor the crew should stand accused when the result was the saving of Captain Kirk’s life.”

 

Spock looked guiltily over at Pike, who shook his head. “I’m not mad at you, Spock. Once I found out precisely what the Ievanians had done to Jim, I understood why you insisted on taking him directly to New Vulcan. But by then it was out of my hands. I’m just glad it worked out.” Pike smiled. “No hard feelings?”

 

Spock looked at him seriously. “Vulcans do not have feelings.”

 

“Oh, right,” Pike responded just as seriously. The two regarded each other carefully. Commander Sonata turned the device on and began again.

 

“Does Captain Kirk disclose confidential orders to Commander Spock against or without orders?” Sonata restated.

 

Admiral Pike shrugged. “I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’ve never given him any orders he wasn’t allowed to repeat to Commander Spock.”

 

Sonata nodded. “Okay, continue Admiral.”

 

Pike breathed in softly. “Well, let’s see. I gave Captain Kirk and Commander Spock the briefing materials given to me by Vice-Admiral Cooley--”

 

“Wait. Back up. When did the Vice-Admiral brief you?” Sonata sat up.

 

Pike was caught off-guard. “Um, we met around three in the afternoon the day before. She said the First Contact brief was off-limits at the time, but she could give me the essentials the crew would need.”

 

Sonata _hummed_. “So Vice-Admiral Cooley had seen the First Contact brief personally?”

 

Pike stopped. “Well, I guess she had. I never thought about it. I guess I thought someone had briefed _her_.”

 

Spock interrupted. “Admiral, were you made aware of the access time stamps the Vulcan Embassy found on the briefing materials?”

 

Sonata began to tap furiously on her padd. “Wait, I’ve got that report right here. The Vulcans demanded the release of the document, citing diplomatic necessity. It’s a good thing, too. It seems the Vulcan Embassy found out Vice-Admiral Cooley had accessed the First Contact report twice, a reported two hours before you sent out your orders to the _Enterprise,_ Admiral Pike _._ ”

 

“She knew the whole time what we were sending those kids into and she did it anyway.” Pike was disgusted. “I knew something was wrong when she gave me just the bare bones of the mission. I didn’t feel comfortable sending the boys into something I didn’t know about. But I did it anyway. God, they should prosecute _me_ while they’re at it.” Pike fell silent, brooding.

 

“Did anyone question the information they were given?” Sonata pressed on.

 

Jim looked down, guiltily. “Spock—Commander Spock—wanted to, but I accepted the orders. Even when he came to me and told me he had a sense something was wrong, I downplayed it.”

 

Spock shook his head. “I was ordered by Captain Kirk to read over the briefing materials we were sent and if I was not comfortable with the mission we would not complete it. After a thorough review I had no concrete facts to back up my suspicions. I allowed us to beam down. The fault lies with me.”

 

“No one’s looking to place blame on anyone but the person responsible for starting the mission.” Sonata looked at the three closely. “If the Vice-Admiral purposely incorrectly briefed the Admiral, and from that falsehood the Admiral sent you on a dangerous mission, then regardless of whose shoulders the final piece fell on the crime began with the Vice-Admiral. It is _her_ fault, Commander. Hers alone.” She smiled hopefully at Spock, who nodded his understanding.

 

Sonata began the next section herself; it would be the most emotional for the men involved. “When you arrived on Tirealla, what happened?”

 

Jim swallowed. “We were met by four Ievanians. One asked for ‘communication’. I thought they wanted a translator so I turned to Lieutenant Garas. That’s the last thing I remember.” He fell silent.

 

Sonata pursed her lips. “Commander Spock?”

 

Spock tilted his head. “I saw Captain Kirk fall to the ground. I went forward to assist him; the Ievanians moved forward as well and ordered us not to interfere. The captain began convulsing and again I moved forward. This time I was knocked backward by an Ievanian.”

 

The attorney sighed. “At any time did you draw or discharge your weapons?”

 

Spock shook his head. “We drew our phasers but did not fire. The crew was waiting on my signal; I was waiting for there to be a clear danger. Although the captain was incapacitated, I could not be certain they were actually harming him.” He stopped and swallowed. “I informed the Ievanians that the captain could not handle their communication and urged them to stop. They did not for another two minutes.”

 

“What happened then?” Sonata’s voice was quiet.

 

Spock closed his eyes. “Dr. McCoy examined the captain and requested immediate beam-out. I informed the Ievanians that we were not prepared to communicate with them and that another envoy would be sent at a later time. We then returned to the ship.”

 

Sonata looked at the men closely. They all seemed shaken by either the memories or the recitation. “Let’s take a break. Get some water, stretch our legs. We’ll come back in five minutes.” She shut off the recorder and walked out.

 

Jim took a deep breath and laid his head down on the table. Spock squeezed his leg gently. Pike put his hand on Jim’s back.

 

“God, son, you have no idea how sorry I am.” Pike was very repentant.

 

“Chris, I know it’s not your fault. That’s why I wanted to see you so badly. I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn’t mad at you.” Jim gave him a weak smile.

 

“And Spock, I’m really sorry I didn’t listen to you about taking Jim to New Vulcan. It’s a damn good thing you learned a trick or two from your husband. If you had followed my orders Jim might not be here today.” Pike nodded to Spock. “I’m not saying to ever do it again, but I’m glad you knew what to do this time.”

 

Spock returned the nod to Pike. “I am gratified you do not find me at fault for my actions.”

 

“I need a drink,” Jim whimpered.

 

Spock leaned down and whispered in Jim’s ear. “There is a bar on this Starbase. If you will promise not to overindulge I will take you there after the trial.”

 

Jim turned his head towards Spock and rewarded him with a big grin. “I’m holding you to that.”

 

Commander Sonata walked back in. “It appears after your testimony we will not be needing you again until the trial. It is set for oh-nine-hundred tomorrow. I would like you three to be here an hour early just to be certain you are ready.”

 

Jim leaned back in his chair. “Could my crew _please,_ for the love of God, get a decent bit of shore leave? They’ve been yanked back on duty from their winter break, they didn’t get enough leave when we were at New Vulcan, and now they’re stuck here. Could we _please_ let them off the ship?”

 

“I will pass your request on to the starbase commander. I’m sure he won’t mind. That’s all, gentlemen. I’ll see you tomorrow. Oh, one last thing.” Sonata gave them a hard stare. “You are not to discuss this trial with anyone. I’d prefer it if you two wouldn’t even discuss it amongst yourselves,” she told Jim and Spock.

 

“Duly noted,” Spock answered. Jim just twirled his finger in the air in resignation.

 

“Understood,” Admiral Pike replied. The three men walked out and Jim stopped Pike for a moment.

 

“Listen, you and I need to have a serious talk when this whole thing is done,” Jim told the older man.

 

“Sure, son. We’ll have a little sit-down and get the air cleared between us. Not a problem. I suppose I’ll see the two of you tomorrow,” Pike finished. Jim and Spock saluted him and he returned the gesture. Then he was off, back down the hall, his cane tapping out a steady staccato beat.

 


	41. Movie Night Anyone?

Jim and Spock walked down to the transporter room in silence. Spock sent a picture to Jim in the hopes of raising his spirits, but there was no response. Jim was rather disenchanted at the moment, and it hurt Spock to think of his _t’hy’la_ suffering.

 

They rematerialized on the _Enterprise_ and Jim looked at his husband. “I’m going to change out of these clothes and head to the gym.”

 

“Do you wish me to accompany you?” Spock replied.

 

Jim shook his head gently. “Actually, right now I kinda need to be alone.” With that he walked off. Spock made a decision and headed to the bridge.

 

On the bridge, Spock walked up to Lieutenant Uhura. “Lieutenant, I need to speak with you privately.” She looked up in surprise but didn’t question him. They walked over to the Briefing Room. “I understand someone left a stuffed animal on Captain Kirk’s bed side when he was incapacitated.”

 

Uhura nodded. “Yeah, why?”

 

Spock gave a small shrug. “I understand if the person wishes to remain anonymous; however the captain is in need of ‘cheering up’ and he had earlier expressed a wish to thank the person responsible.”

 

Uhura sighed. “The trial is going to throw him off-balance, isn’t it? Poor baby. Okay, you’re actually not looking for a bridge crew member.” Spock raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. “The bear was from Nurse Chapel. She thought it would bring him a little comfort while he was recovering.”

 

Spock nodded. “Nurse Chapel. Fascinating. Very well, I thank you Lieutenant. You may return to your post.” Uhura left for the bridge and Spock left for Sickbay.

 

When he arrived there, there was an ensign sitting on a biobed, holding his hand while doubled over in pain. Dr. McCoy was trying to get the hand away from the injured crewmember’s chest.

 

“Come on, Reynolds. I can’t fix it if you won’t let me see it.” McCoy stepped away for a moment and noticed the commander standing in the entrance to the bay. “Hey, Spock, you okay?”

 

“I am well. I need to speak to Nurse Chapel.” Spock spoke softly so as not to startle anyone.

 

“Mmm,” McCoy muttered. “She’s doing inventory. Check my office,” he replied absently. “Come on, Reynolds. If you let me see it I can make it stop hurting....” The doctor returned to his patient.

 

Spock walked over to the CMO’s office. There were boxes stacked on the desk and noises but no apparent person. Finally he called out. “Nurse?”

 

A blond head poked up from behind the desk. “Oh, hi Mr. Spock. Can I help you?”

 

Spock walked farther in the room. “I understand you are the anonymous person who left a stuffed animal on Captain Kirk’s bed while he was here.”

 

Chapel got nervous. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Commander. I just wanted him to feel better.” She looked down.

 

Spock shook his head. “I am not upset with you, Ms. Chapel. In fact, I believe that it would ease the captain’s mind somewhat if he could thank you personally for your gift.” Chapel seemed to brighten at this. “Would you mind accompanying me to the ship’s gym?” Spock requested.

 

“Sure. Hang on.” She scribbled something down on a padd and walked out into the bay. “Dr. McCoy, I need to step out for a moment.”

 

McCoy looked up from where he was setting a mender up for the ensign’s broken hand. “Sure, Chris. I’ll finish inventory if you aren’t back by the time I’m done here.”

 

Nurse Chapel and Commander Spock walked through the ship, riding the turbolift to the deck the gyms were housed on and walking to the main gym. Spock looked in and confirmed what the bond had told him earlier. He gestured for Chapel to follow him. They walked in quietly.

 

Jim was on the treadmill with an iPod plugged in his ears. He was running a rather fast pace and had his eyes closed. His lips were moving to the lyrics of the song. Spock sent a message through the bond and Jim opened his eyes and shut off the machine. When he was still, he pulled his earbuds out.

 

“Hey guys, what’s up?” He was barely even winded. The captain had always been in excellent shape.

 

Spock folded his arms behind his back. “Captain, it was my understanding you wished to know who left the stuffed animal for you in Sickbay.”

 

Jim nodded. Then he looked over at the nurse. “ _You_ , Nurse Chapel? You left me the bear? But, you’re always so strict with me when you have to take care of me!” Jim was surprised.

 

Chapel blushed. “Just because I bust your butt when you’re my patient doesn’t mean I don’t care for you. In fact, I’ve had to see you so often in the line of duty that I’ve become quite attached to you. You’re like the annoying little brother I never had.”

 

Jim grinned at her. “Thanks, Chapel. It meant a lot to me and I still have that bear in my quarters. I plan on sleeping with it when Spock goes back to having occasional Gamma shifts.”

 

The nurse nodded. “Sounds good to me. Listen, if you don’t mind, I’m in the middle of inventory. I’ll catch up with you later, if you don’t find your way back to me before then. Take care of yourself, Captain.” She waved to him and walked away.

 

Jim leaned up against the exercise equipment. “Wow. Thanks, Spock. How did you find out who it was?”

 

Spock tilted his head for a moment. “I have my sources.”

 

Jim grabbed a towel and wiped his face. “Okay. Go ahead and be mysterious. Would this be the same source that told you I wasn’t going anywhere for winter break?”

 

Spock looked to the side for a moment. “Perhaps.”

 

The captain shook his head. “I’m glad you and Uhura are friends. Doesn’t always happen with ex's.” He moved to head towards the showers.

 

“I never said it was the Lieutenant,” objected Jim’s husband.

 

From around the corner Spock heard the captain reply, “Whatev.”

 

Jim and Spock were on their way to dinner when the intercom paged the captain. Jim went over to a wall unit and called the bridge.

 

“Incoming transmission from Starbase One, non-urgent, open transmission. Do you wish to hear it?” It was Uhura’s relief; they had already traded places.

 

“Sure,” Jim answered.

 

There was a crackling noise and then a voice came on. “ _Enterprise,_ you are cleared for personnel to enter base at your convenience. Transporters ready. No reply necessary.” The message ended.

 

Jim sighed and paged the bridge again. The captain of the watch answered. “Bridge.”

 

“Hey, Michaels, pull up the shore leave roster from New Vulcan and post it on the board again. And announce that we’re starting shore leave. You got that?” Jim was nonchalant.

 

“Aye, sir, right away.”

 

Jim turned back to his husband. “That ought to cheer some people up. Get them the hell off this ship for a while and let them calm down. It’s not good for the crew to be wound up this tightly for this long.” Jim reached the replicators and ordered his meal.

 

Spock watched closely, trying to figure out how best to phrase it. “It is not good for _any_ crew member. Most especially the captain.”

 

Jim had a mouthful of milk and swallowed it with some difficulty. “Mm,” he grunted before taking a breath. “Don’t you start in on me. I’ve got Bones hounding me enough as it is.”

 

Spock retrieved his tray and the two wandered over to the table where the majority of the bridge crew was sitting. Just then, the announcement came over the speakers about shore leave. There was an instant response. Several crewmembers finished their meals quickly and took their trays back, talking about what they had planned.

 

Jim ate his sandwich in silence. Spock watched him, wondering how he could help his distracted mate. Then Uhura sat down beside him.

 

“Hey,” Uhura began, and kicked the captain’s shins under the table.

 

“What?” Jim mumbled.

 

“Hey, mister, I happen to have a copy of the one and only movie _It_ and it’s ready for preview by the captain and commander whenever they’re ready.” Uhura smiled at the two.

 

Jim seemed to perk up a bit. “Really?”

 

Uhura handed over a data chip. “Don’t come crying to me if you have nightmares afterward.”

 

Jim grinned. “I won’t. Unless our next mission is to a planet full of clowns. Or really big spiders.”

 

“Or if we have to go into a maze of sewers,” Uhura supplied helpfully, and they both shivered.

 

Spock looked back and forth between the two. “I do not understand your references.”

 

Uhura sat up. “You haven’t seen it? Have you read the book?” Spock shook his head. “Oh, then we will shut up! You’re in for a treat, Commander!” Uhura giggled.

 

The crew finished their meals and walked off their separate ways. Jim and Spock returned to their quarters. They started to go in Jim’s quarters when Jim stopped them. “Hey, let’s watch in your room. You’ll be more comfortable.”

 

They walked in the room and Spock called for the lights. Jim fished the chip out of his pocket and handed it over to Spock, who put it in the computer. They pulled chairs in front of the desk and sat down to watch.

 

Jim did pretty well, all things considered. He only whimpered a little, and Spock caught a hint of nausea through the bond. But he watched it all, and didn’t turn away. Spock was rather interested in the premise of the movie. Apparently a killer clown was hunting down children, and it disappeared for an extended time before reappearing and resuming its antics. The young children who faced the monster down the first time reunited as adults to fight it again. The final scene with the monster made Spock frown. It was rather contrived; however, if he remembered the time frame in which the movie was produced, it was probably the best they could do. The ending was happy enough. Overall, it wasn’t that bad of a movie. Jim had forced him to sit through worse.

 

Jim got up and stretched. Spock reached out and captured a hand. “How do you feel, Jim?” Spock asked.

 

Jim looked at him and gave an almost convincing smile. “I’m fine.”

 

“Forgive me if I have doubts. You are still troubled?” Spock ventured.

 

“I don’t know, why don’t you find out?” Jim spat, and both men went silent.

 

Finally, Spock looked back up. “ _Ashayam,_ I would never search your mind without your permission. You know this. If you do not wish to speak to me then you are free to leave. I am not holding you here against your will.” He let go of the hand.

 

Jim blinked. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry hon. I’m just a little freaked out.” Spock nodded for him to continue. “I know you’re afraid they’re going to turn this trial into some sort of attack on me. I’m worried about it too. I’m worried they’ll go back on their word and send you up the river for saving my life.” Jim sighed. “I was never a mindless convert for Starfleet, but I at least expected them to do what was right. I can’t trust them anymore, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to finish my career if I’m working for people I don’t trust.”

 

Spock got up and wrapped his arms around his frustrated mate. “This was not the whole of Starfleet doing this to you. This was one person who made an erroneous decision and will now have to account for her actions.” He kissed the side of Jim’s head. “If you decide you can no longer work for Starfleet, that you must leave, then I will be beside you every step of the way. If you decide to give Starfleet a second chance, then I will support you there as well.”

 

Jim’s breathing had calmed over the past two minutes, and his heart rate was approaching normal again. He pulled away from Spock.

 

“Thanks. Listen, I’m going to turn in. We’ve got a big day tomorrow. Do you want to sleep in here tonight?” Jim looked up.

 

“That is acceptable,” Spock answered.

  
Jim nodded. “Fine. I’ll see you in the morning,” he finished, and walked off through the bathroom. Spock came quickly behind him.

 

“Jim?”

 

“Yeah Spock?” Jim was pulling off his shirt.

 

“I misunderstood. I thought you meant both of us.” Spock looked disappointed.

 

Jim gave a warm smile. “Oh, I’m sorry _t’hy’la_. I thought you’d want to sleep in a whole bed instead of sharing with me.”

 

Spock shook his head. “I would prefer not to be away from you if I have the choice.”

 

Jim tossed his shirt in the general direction of the laundry bag and motioned for Spock to come in. “Then I’m getting ready for bed in here. Do you want to join me?”

 

Spock got into his pajamas and Jim slipped out of his clothes and they both climbed into bed. Jim checked the alarm to make sure they had enough time to prepare before they were due in court. Then they snuggled down and into each other’s arms.

 

“Hey Spock?” came a small voice.

 

Spock _hummed._

 

“Do spiders really get that big?”

 

Spock closed his eyes and smiled briefly. “Not on Earth or New Vulcan.”

 

“Oh. Okay. Good night.”

 

“Good night, _ashayam._ ”

 

It was the night before the final blow.

 


	42. And So It Begins

When the alarm sounded, Jim was having the most magnificent dream. It involved the swimming pool and a Captain’s override on the door and one very wet, very tempting Vulcan. Jim rolled over, half asleep, and smacked at the alarm.

 

He managed to whack his mate on the top of his head as well. “Jim…” came the low growl.

 

“Oops. Sorry.” Jim slid out of bed and went toward the bathroom. “I’ll just go take my shower now.”

 

Spock lay in bed for a moment longer, letting his senses come around. He sighed and got up, going through the bathroom to enter his quarters for a fresh uniform. Jim was singing under his breath in the shower; Spock recognized the song as one by a band Jim had tried to introduce him to the previous year. There were many fine qualities the captain possessed. His taste in music was not among them.

 

Spock got his uniform and laid it on his bed, opting to check his messages on his computer while he could. There were only five. Most were reports from subordinates in his department which he would need to review. The fifth one, however, gave him pause. It had originated from the JAG office.

 

Spock sat down and opened the message. He read the first line, stopped, and read it again. His eyes narrowed. Then he read the rest of the message quickly. His mood continued to darken. When he was done he erased the message from the server, wishing he could erase it from his mind as easily.

 

The defense was planning to call Spock as a witness _against_ the captain. Were this a hundred years ago on Earth, it would be a moot point. There were laws preventing spouses from being forced to testify against each other. That law had been stricken from the record in 2185, when the Supreme Court had come to realize if that law continued, its often-times best witnesses would slip from its grasp.

 

Spock racked his mind, trying to remember if there were any laws governing bonded mates that could help the situation. When he could think of none, he checked the chronometer at the bottom of the screen. It was only 9:30 p.m. on New Vulcan. Spock weighed his two options and went for the lesser of two evils. He placed his call.

 

“Yes?” Solion answered the comm. station quickly, as if he had been nearby.

 

“Ambassador, I call on you for assistance,” Spock began.

 

“Very well. Is Jim well?” Solion sat down in front of the screen.

 

Spock pursed his lips. “In a way, he may not be for much longer. _Tomasu_ , I am being called to testify against him in the trial against the Vice-Admiral. Is there any way I can escape this predicament?”

 

Solion leaned back, his eyes shining in the lamplight. “I am afraid not. I will tell you this much. Do not attempt to circumvent the legal system on Jim’s behalf. You will find they do not appreciate your efforts, regardless of your reason behind them.”

 

Spock looked down. “You speak from experience?”

 

There was a soft sigh. “I was once called as a witness in a trial against my captain. I attempted to prove his innocence. The prosecutor found my weakest point and struck. Luckily, I caused no further damage. But I did not assist him either.” Solion shook his head.

 

Spock growled. “Were I human, one would think I could lie.”

 

“No, _tomasu_ , down that path lies nothing but regret. My advice to you is to be honest with Jim, and with yourself.” Solion cleared his throat. “Be prepared for the defense attorney to attempt to dismantle your relationship on the stand.” He closed his eyes for a brief moment. “Jim will forgive you, as long as you do not compromise either of you in order to reach your desired goal.”

 

In the bathroom, the water turned off. Spock leaned in to speak softer. “Thank you. I will do my best.”

 

“That is all that can be asked of you, child. I will watch the newsfeeds for the outcome. Call again if you need me.” Solion raised the _ta’al_. “Peace and long life, Spock.”

 

“Thank you. Live long and prosper.” Spock signed off and shut off his terminal just as a half-clothed Jim sauntered in.

 

“Hey sexy. Your turn for the bathroom.” Jim leaned in and kissed his mate. There was a small twitch through the bond and Spock realized Jim had picked up on his turmoil. “Okay, you want to talk about it now or after your shower?” Jim sighed.

 

“After. I believe I need time to compose my thoughts.” Spock looked up at Jim. “I will be back.” He walked in to take his shower.

 

Jim watched him go in and undress, and sat in the abandoned chair for a moment. What was going on? Was Spock that nervous about the trial? After yesterday everything seemed pretty straightforward. But then who was Spock on the comm. to earlier? Jim’s stomach began doing lazy flip-flops.

 

When Spock finished in the bathroom he came back in and got his uniform. He didn’t say anything until he was dressed and ready for the day. Then he sat on the edge of his bunk and motioned for Jim to come closer. Jim inched forward warily.

 

“Jim, the defense attorney plans to call me as a witness against you in the trial.” Spock was direct, which meant he either didn’t care or he was highly pissed. Jim didn’t have to guess which one it was now.

 

Jim swallowed and gave a half-shrug. “Okay. We can handle that, right?” He gave a hopeful smile.

 

Spock nodded. “I will do my best to phrase my answers carefully so the attorney has no leverage against you.”

 

“Just tell the truth, Spock,” Jim told him. “You’re the smart one in this relationship. You’ll do fine.”

 

Spock took Jim’s hands in his. “ _T’hy’la_ , we are both smart. We will survive this inquiry intact.” He paused for a moment, feeling across the bond. “It is breakfast time. We will do better if we are nourished before our ordeal.”

 

Jim turned to go get into his uniform. He had begun singing a very old Earth song about a mountain peak in what used to be the state of Tennessee. It was one of Jim’s favorite little songs to sing when he was nervous. Spock breathed in slowly. Jim was not the only nervous one.

 

Toward the end of breakfast Dr. McCoy walked in. He had on his dress uniform, complete with ribbons and medals. He strolled over to their table.

 

“Well _hello,_ gentlemen. What a fine morning for a load of cockamamie bull parading itself as a trial.” McCoy sat in front of Jim and Spock.

 

Spock glanced at Jim and finished swallowing before answering. “Doctor, while we understand your reluctance to be involved in this proceeding, we respectfully request you cease with your inane insults. You will more than likely cause further harm with your prattle, regardless of the comfort it may bring you.”

 

McCoy glanced between the two and whistled. “Oookay. Something’s got you two spooked. I know we can’t discuss it, but I’ll assure you I’m not going to torpedo your case. My testimony is solid according to the attorney.”

 

Jim took a drink of his orange juice, glancing over the rim. He put the glass down gently. “I know you’re going to do just fine, Bones. I’m not worried.”

 

McCoy made a face and stole a piece of toast off Jim’s tray. “Yeah, pull the other one kid; it’s got bells on it.” Spock frowned in momentary confusion and McCoy shook his head. “Never mind.” He took a large bite of toast and put the half-eaten piece back on Jim’s tray. It was a game they had played since the Academy. “See ya on the other side,” he called as he left.

 

Jim ate the rest of the toast, ignoring the faint disgust coming across the bond, and got up to return his tray. His mate stayed in his seat, thinking to himself. Eventually a pink palm waved in front of his face. Spock blinked and looked up.

 

“It’s time,” Jim whispered. Spock sighed and returned his tray.


	43. Objection!

They went back to the JAG office and asked for Commander Sonata. She came breezing in from another office and nodded to them. They all went back in the conference room.

 

“So, how’d you sleep?” Sonata began.

 

Jim sighed. “I just want to get this over with. I’m really not in the mood for chit-chat.”

 

“Well, it will be over with soon enough. I just need you to remain here until the judge calls for us. Try to remain calm,” Sonata requested. She walked back out and shut the door behind her. Jim reached out and grabbed Spock’s pinky and hooked their fingers together. His leg started bouncing. Spock tried to send all the reassurance he could through the bond.

 

At a quarter to nine a yeoman came to take Jim and Spock to the courtroom. They were seated in the front row to the right. After a few minutes, McCoy and the other officers from the _Enterprise_ were escorted in and seated behind Jim and Spock. Admiral Pike sat in the back. On the other side, three Vice-Admirals from Cooley’s office sat down, as well as several other officers who worked in that building. All the officers snuck glances at their opposing parties when they thought no one would see them.

 

The chronometer clicked over to nine and the court officer stood. “All rise.” The courtroom shuffled to its feet. “This general court-martial is in progress. Admiral Jacob Burns presiding.”

  
The admiral looked over the room. “Be seated,” he intoned, taking his seat. He shuffled some papers around before making another statement. “I have decided to allow the press to have access to this case. If--at any time--it becomes too great a distraction, I will remove them from the court. Consider yourselves on notice,” Burns told the reporters.

 

Burns cleared his throat. “Vice-Admiral Cooley stands charged with criminal negligence stemming from the mission given to the _Enterprise_ on December 27 of this year. Prosecution, are you prepared to make your opening statement?”

 

Commander Sonata stood. “We are, Your Honor.” The judge motioned to her and she walked around her table and gave her speech. Jim didn’t really listen; the key words he _did_ catch told him she was just giving a general idea of their case against the Vice-Admiral. She sat down.

 

“Defense?” Admiral Burns requested.

 

“Thank you your honor.” The lawyer stood and buttoned his jacket. “We intend to prove that there was plenty of information given to the _Enterprise_ crew for them to make their decision. Through either negligence of his own or outright incompetency, Captain Kirk failed to prepare his crew to meet the party on the planet in question. His actions on the planet were at fault, not the briefing the defendant gave.” The defense attorney sat back down and undid his jacket.

 

There was a quiet murmur building from the right side of the room, starting with the _Enterprise_ officers. Many nasty glares were sent to the defense’s side. Jim just closed his eyes.

 

 _You were right. They’re going after me._ Jim spoke through the bond to his husband.

 

 _They will not succeed, t’hy’la. Their attempts will fall short, given our evidence._ Spock slid his foot against Jim’s in support.

 

The first witness called was Admiral Pike. He made his way to the witness’ chair.

 

The prosecution walked him through his briefing with Vice-Admiral Cooley. Commander Sonata emphasized how Pike had placed a great deal of trust in Cooley and had never questioned her information before. Sonata sat back down. The defense attorney stood.

 

“How long have you been an admiral, Admiral Pike?” The man buttoned his jacket.

 

Pike narrowed his eyes. “A year and a half.”

 

“Really? So what were you before then?”

 

Pike sighed. “I was a starship captain.”

 

“So you’re familiar with both giving _and_ receiving orders.” The attorney was definitely headed somewhere with this. Jim’s stomach started clinching.

 

“Yes.” Pike shifted his weight in the chair.

 

“Did you ever question an order given to you by the Admiralty?” The attorney was trying to be friendly. It was only succeeding in pissing everyone off on the other side.

 

“Yes. It’s on record somewhere, I’m sure.” Pike had a nasty grin on his face now.

 

“Thank you, no further questions.” The defense sat back down again. Pike looked shocked for a moment. The judge dismissed him.

 

Next was Lieutenant Garas. He was sworn in and took his seat. He gave the first testimony regarding the attack on Captain Kirk. Garas was obviously distressed as he recalled the wait for the Ievanians to release his captain. The defense declined to cross-examine.

 

Then the prosecution called the other two crewmembers in order, having each of them give their version of the unprovoked attack and the action taken (or _not_ taken) by Commander Spock. Apparently Commander Sonata was trying to paint a picture of Spock that proved he did not act rashly during the crisis. The defense still did not cross-examine the crew.

 

When McCoy came to the stand, Commander Sonata focused on the physical injuries Jim sustained. She had him walk them through the treatment Jim received and its ineffectiveness. She played up his helplessness in the face of an injury he couldn’t treat.

 

The defense stood at the end and everyone expected him to refuse cross. Instead, he began with a strange question.

  
“Where was Commander Spock during all of this?” The attorney looked at McCoy patiently.

 

McCoy frowned. “He was on the bridge.”

 

“The whole time?” the attorney pressed.

 

“No, not the whole time. He was with his--” McCoy broke off. There was a small silence.

 

“ _Husband_ is the word you’re looking for. You can say it. It’s public knowledge that the commander and the captain are married.” The attorney gave a smarmy smile.

 

McCoy’s face morphed and he growled his response. “His _husband._ He was with Jim during some of the trip back to New Vulcan. Are you happy, you miserable little--”

 

“No further questions,” the attorney proclaimed, retreating to the relative safety of his table.

 

“Redirect,” called Commander Sonata. “Doctor, is it at all unusual for either the commander or the captain to be at the other’s bed side when one is injured?”

 

McCoy shook his head. “Nope. They do it all the time. Been doing it for over a year now.”

 

“No further questions.” Commander Sonata sat back down. Dr. McCoy escaped off the stand, but not before giving a patented look of death to the defense attorney.

 

“Prosecution calls Captain James T. Kirk to the stand.” Sonata looked back at Jim; he was busy getting up and bracing himself for what he fully expected to be a disaster.

 

“Captain, will you tell us your version of the events on Tirealla?” Sonata began.

 

Jim grimaced. “We met with four Ievanians. One asked for communication, so I turned to get the communications expert. That’s the last thing I remember.”

 

“That’s the _last thing_ you remember,” repeated the commander. “Were you at all concerned about the orders given to you by Admiral Pike?”

 

“Well, yeah. I mean, something didn’t add up. I asked Commander Spock if we should do it, he said it was my decision, so I accepted it. But I told Commander Spock that if he read the report and didn’t feel right about it, then we weren’t going down.” Jim nodded.

 

“Why did you accept a mission you had misgivings about?” Commander Sonata posed.

 

Jim shrugged. “It was Admiral Pike. I know he would never send us somewhere that wasn’t safe without warning us. If he said the Ievanians were peaceful, then they were peaceful. I trust him.”

 

“Did you blame Admiral Pike for your injury?” Sonata asked the captain.

 

“No. I was more flabbergasted than anything. I knew there had to be something else going on, because Chris would never have done that to us.” Jim crossed his arms.

 

“No further questions,” Commander Sonata replied.

 

The defense attorney stood. “So, Captain Kirk, you accepted the mission.”

 

Jim nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“ _You_ accepted the mission. So whose fault is it again?” The attorney smirked at Jim.

 

A hush fell over the courtroom. Spock sat upright in his seat. McCoy began cracking his knuckles in frustration.

 

“The fault lies with the woman who gave the brief in the first place,” Jim whispered. “She’s the one that started this shitstorm--”

 

“The witness will watch his language,” the judge intoned.

 

“She started this. It’s her fault.” Jim rephrased under duress.

 

“But you accepted the orders. Even if it weren’t your fault, Captain, Admiral Pike is the one who issued the orders. Shouldn’t you be accusing him instead of his assistant?” The man gestured back to Pike.

 

“Admiral Pike was set up. We were _all_ set up. By that woman. And this _is_ the witness watching his language,” Jim warned. “If Vice-Admiral Cooley hadn’t withheld information from the beginning then we would have been better prepared for the mission, if we had accepted it to begin with.” Jim shook his head. “This was planned, clear as day.”

 

“Objection,” the defense attorney remarked.

  
“Sustained. The witness will keep his testimony to the facts.” The judge frowned at Jim. Jim clammed up.

 

“No further questions,” replied the other man.

 

Jim climbed down from the witness stand and stalked back to his seat. Spock tried to approach him through the bond and got ‘yelled’ at for his efforts. Spock sat back slowly.


	44. Answering Remarks

“Prosecution calls Commander Spock to the stand.” Commander Sonata turned and looked apologetically at Spock. Spock stood up and straightened his uniform. He walked purposefully to the stand.

 

Sonata walked him through his version of receiving the orders and what happened on Tirealla. Then she began to question him about what happened in Sickbay.

 

“You became aware of the full extent of Captain Kirk’s injuries. How did you accomplish this?” Sonata began.

 

“I melded with the Captain.” Spock was calm.

 

“What did you find?” she asked the commander.

 

“His psyche was in disarray. His mind was completely disordered. His brain was in turmoil.” Spock was quiet.

 

“Why did you not aid your captain, Commander Spock?” the attorney patiently asked.

 

Spock looked down. “I am not skilled enough. I am not a healer.”

 

“Why did you take the _Enterprise_ to New Vulcan against orders?”

 

Spock tilted his head. “The captain needed a mind healer. The closest mind healer was on New Vulcan. This was corroborated by Dr. M’Benga.”

 

“Objection. Hearsay.” The defense attorney stood.

 

“Sustained. The witness will testify only to his own knowledge.” The judge sighed.

 

“I have no further questions for this witness.” Commander Sonata sat down.

 

The defense attorney stood and put his hands in his pockets, lifting himself up on his toes. “Commander, who authorized the Vulcan Embassy to request the briefing materials regarding this mission?”

 

Spock blinked. “No one _authorized_ it. The Vulcan High Council became concerned on our behalf and requested an inquiry.”

 

“Your father is the head ambassador, is he not?” the attorney pressed.

 

Spock’s eyes narrowed. “That is correct.”

 

“Must be handy, having family in high places like that.”

 

“Objection!” called Commander Sonata.

 

The defense attorney waved his hand. “Withdrawn.” He came closer to Spock. “What would you have done had the Vulcan Embassy not become involved?”

 

Spock tilted his head. “Sir, believe that calls for speculation. It does not matter what course of action I would have chosen. I am also not the person on trial. We are here to discuss Vice-Admiral Cooley’s actions and their ramifications.”

 

The attorney chuckled. “Very well, Commander. I have no further questions.” He walked away. The judge dismissed Spock.

 

“Prosecution rests at this time,” Commander Sonata stated.

 

“We will take a two-hour recess for lunch and reconvene at thirteen hundred. Defense’s case will begin at that time. Court is adjourned.” The judge walked back to his office. The courtroom erupted into a buzz.

 

Spock walked up to his mate. “Jim,” he whispered.

 

Jim shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Spock. That attorney is a real son-of-a-bitch. I guess we’re in for a wild ride.”

 

McCoy came up to the two. “What the hell is going on? Who, exactly, is on trial here?” His voice carried and Jim motioned for him to lower it.

  
“I don’t know, Bones. I’m sorry you had to do this.” Jim was apologetic.

 

“Nah,” McCoy dismissed. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t do any better for ya, kid.”

 

“I’m going to find a cafeteria and eat so I’ll have something to throw up when this is over,” Jim sighed. “Wanna join me?” he asked the other two.

 

“You think I’m letting you out of my sight?” McCoy quipped. The three set off for the cafeteria.

 

When the break was over, the courtroom filled once more. The animosity between the two sides was palpable, and a security man quietly requested more officers to be sent to the court.

 

The judge came out and everyone stood. When he had them sit he motioned to the table on his right. “Defense, are you prepared to make your case?” Admiral Burns began.

 

“We are, Your Honor.” The attorney called for the yeoman to the Vice-Admiral. He then had the yeoman paint a picture of an officer who upheld her sworn duty and had never made such a grave mistake. The attorney then called several other witnesses.

 

Spock glanced over at Jim, who twirled a finger at him in response. Apparently Jim wasn’t impressed with the people Vice-Admiral Cooley had speaking for her. Then, it started to fall apart.

 

“The defense recalls Commander Spock to the stand.” There was a lot of whispering and Admiral Burns banged his gavel. Spock took a deep breath and walked up to the stand.

 

“I remind the Commander he is still under oath,” the judge declared. Spock nodded.

 

The attorney walked up casually. “Commander, how long have you known the captain?”

 

Spock calculated. “One year, seven months, two weeks, four days, two hours--”

 

“We get the point, Commander, thank you.” The attorney seemed annoyed. Jim privately cheered his husband on through the bond. “Can you describe your first meeting with the captain?”

 

There was a hush as Spock calculated where this line of questioning could be going. “I first encountered the captain as a cadet in the Academy.”

 

“It was at his trial, wasn’t it? He was on trial for cheating on the Kobayashi Maru, the test you were the proctor of, correct?”

 

Spock seemed unimpressed. “That is correct.”

 

“What was your next encounter with Captain Kirk?” The defense attorney began to walk around the court.

 

“Then-Cadet Kirk came aboard the _Enterprise._ He came onto the bridge to warn us about the _Narada_ ’s presence at Vulcan.” Spock’s jaw tightened.

 

“Mmm. Was Cadet Kirk _supposed_ to be on the _Enterprise_?”

 

“No. He was brought aboard by another crewmember.” Spock inhaled slowly.

 

“Doctor McCoy, if I’m not mistaken. Very well, what was the outcome of the cadet’s presence?” The attorney stated.

 

He didn’t realize he had just shot himself in the foot.

 

Spock sat up straighter and cleared his throat softly. “The evacuation of Vulcan was started, the elders of the High Council were rescued, Nero was pursued, Earth was saved, then-Captain Pike was rescued, and Nero was destroyed, all with minimal casualties to the _Enterprise_ crew.” Spock wished he could smile evilly at the lawyer before him.

 

The prosecution’s side of the gallery burst into applause and whistles. Several people yelled out Jim’s name. Jim ducked his head in embarrassment. Spock caught his eye and subtly tipped his head to him.

 

Admiral Burns slammed his gavel down several times. “Order! I want order in this court!” Finally, the court settled down. The admiral shot a look at the defense attorney.

 

“Okay. Then I’ll be more direct, Commander. Tell me this. Have you ever attempted to kill Captain Kirk?” The defense attorney ground out. The room fell silent suddenly.

 

Spock blinked slowly. “Yes. I have attempted to end Captain Kirk’s life once.”

 

The attorney nodded. “What stopped you?”

 

“Hey, this is bullshit!” Jim was on his feet in the gallery. The judge smacked the gavel.

 

“There will be no further outbursts from the gallery, or I will clear this courtroom,” Admiral Burns warned.

 

The attorney turned back to Spock. “Again, Commander, what stopped you from killing Captain Kirk?”

 

Spock took a deep breath. “My father.”

 

“If _you_ had been captain instead of Kirk, as it originally was, would you have taken the mission to Tirealla?” the attorney demanded.

 

Spock was all but openly glaring at the attorney now. Murmurs of protest were building in the gallery again.

 

“I’ll ask again. Perhaps Vulcan hearing isn’t everything it’s supposed to be. Would you have accepted the mission to Tirealla?” The attorney pointed at Spock.

 

“Given that it came from Admiral Pike--” Spock started.

 

“Yes or no, Commander. Would you have taken it?”

 

Spock breathed in again. _I’m sorry, t’hy’la,_ he sent across the bond. “Yes. I would have taken it.”

 

The attorney stepped backward. “I’ll remind the Commander he is under oath.”

 

“I will remind the counselor that I am a Vulcan. I do not lie. I would have accepted the orders given lawfully to me by my superior officer. I would not have questioned them. They were orders.” Spock stood. “I believe that completes your line of questioning, sir.”

 

“I’m not done with you, Commander,” the attorney started forward.

 

Spock fixed him with a single look. “ _I_ am done with _you,_ counselor. Any further questions will be answered thus: I invoke my right not to respond as the answer may incriminate me.”

 

The attorney began to move forward again. “But you’re not on trial here, Commander.”

 

Spock closed his eyes briefly. “I refuse to respond as my answer may incriminate me.”

 

“Commander Spock--” The attorney was insistent.

 

“I refuse to respond as my answer may incriminate me.” Spock repeated it slowly.

 

The attorney waved his hand. “Fine, I’m done here.”

 

Admiral Burns looked over to the silent officer. “You are excused, Commander.”

 

Spock walked slowly back to his seat. This time Jim tried to comfort him but Spock shut him out. Both men sat stiffly beside each other.

 

“The defense rests, Your Honor,” the attorney finally stated.

 

“Very well. I will deliberate on this matter. Court is in recess.” The gavel came down twice and Admiral Burns walked away.

 

Admiral Pike walked up to the couple. “Guys, don’t say a word. Don’t breathe a word. Right now it’s 50-50. Hopefully the judge will come down in your favor.” He patted Jim’s shoulder. “Don’t give up.”

 

Jim bared his teeth at the older man. “I’m not giving up _shit_. She hasn’t won a damn thing.”

 

“Jim,” Spock whispered, and Jim fell silent. Pike shook his head and turned to leave.


	45. I Will Be Your Solid Ground

Spock watched his wary husband sitting still and wished for once he could get Jim to calm down when adverse conditions presented themselves. Bottled anger was not conducive to healthy blood pressure levels in humans. However, now was most definitely _not_ the time to bring it up.

 

After a half hour Jim got up and wandered out to get a drink of water. Spock stayed in his seat, which alerted the good doctor that something wasn’t right in the Spock-Kirk household. He came over and sat down beside Spock.

 

“Hey, Spock,” McCoy began amiably. Spock’s eyes cut to the doctor and looked away again. “So, Jim’s probably not handling this the best way possible. But it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”

 

Spock sighed. “Doctor, I am not questioning Jim’s affections. I am questioning his mental health through this ordeal.”

 

“Oh.” McCoy brought his ankle up to rest on his knee. “In that case, I’ll tell you the same thing I told him about you and the aftereffects of the Vulcan disaster. If he wants help, he’ll come to you. Otherwise all you can do is be there for him.”

 

Spock nodded thoughtfully. “Perhaps you have a point, Dr. McCoy. Thank you for your assistance.”

 

McCoy started to get up and then sat back down. “Wait, what have you got planned?” Spock got up and moved past the other man. “Spock?” McCoy called again.

 

Spock walked out and found Jim leaning back against the wall with one foot propped up on the wall. At his husband’s approach Jim stood up straight again.

 

“Spock….”

 

Spock reached out and took Jim’s hand. _In public._ Jim jerked back and glanced around. “Um, Spock, kinda public place here. Vulcans and intimacy in public don’t mix.”

 

Spock entwined their fingers together. “My mate needs support. That is all I am concerned with at this point.” He leaned closer and lowered his voice. “ _In the burning of uncertainty, I will be your solid ground,”_ he quoted. Jim looked at him and his whole body seemed to relax. He leaned into his mate for a brief moment.

 

“That’s fighting dirty,” Jim mumbled, blushing.

 

Spock glanced around and when no one was looking he pressed a kiss into Jim’s temple. “Come, _t’hy’la_. Let us walk the surrounding area until the admiral returns.”

 

They released each other’s hands but walked shoulder to shoulder, as they always did. They discussed things not related to the trial. Jim began planning a trip to Earth for Spock to (hopefully) meet his new mother-in-law. They talked about getting a bigger bed in Jim’s quarters and sleeping there while letting Spock keep his old quarters for meditation and office hours. Then they fell silent for a bit.

 

As they walked back toward the courtroom, Jim stopped Spock and pulled him aside. “Hey, Spock, are you feeling alright?”

 

Spock blinked at Jim. “Yes, Jim, I am in optimal health physically and mentally. Why?”

 

Jim shrugged. “Your diet’s changed all of a sudden.”

  
Spock gave a small smile. “As has yours, _ashayam._ ” The two men regarded each other carefully. “I only ate Plomeek soup because my mother used to make me eat it as a child. I do not actually prefer it over regular vegetarian cuisine.” Spock tilted his head at his mate.

 

“Well, Bones says I need to watch my diet anyway since I don’t get to exercise as much anymore, so going vegetarian will actually be killing two birds with one stone.” Jim smiled at his partner. “You cool with that?”

 

Spock nodded. “I accept your answer, provided you accept mine.”

 

Jim grinned. “I do. Hey, up high!” He held up his hand. Spock stared him down. “That never gets old,” Jim chuckled.

 

Further down the hall, a bright green light began to flash. “Jim, the court is reconvening,” Spock pointed out. They walked back down and into the court, taking their places from earlier.

 

Admiral Burns came out and the court stood politely as called to. “Be seated,” the admiral requested. When they were all still again he shuffled some papers and looked out into the gallery. “This was a difficult case. Testimony was given on both sides that gave me pause.” Whispers started up and he cleared his throat loudly.

 

“However, a flag officer is held to a higher standard than the rest of the Fleet. Especially when given such a wide-sweeping duty as briefing an Admiral on upcoming missions. The charge brought before this court today is criminal negligence, and I believe the burden of proof has been met. Vice-Admiral Cooley, please stand.”

 

The woman stood up slowly, her lawyer standing beside her.

 

“I find you guilty of criminal negligence as charged. I order that you be docked three months pay and that you be moved from Admiral Pike’s office to another field to be determined at a later date. So finds this court,” he finished, and down came the gavel.

 

There was cheering from the _Enterprise_ crew, minus its captain and First Officer. They were silently regarding each other.

 

“It’s over,” Jim breathed. Small shivers ran through his frame. “It’s really over.”

 

“It _is_ over,” Spock assured him.

 

Just then, the Vice-Admiral stalked over, with her attorney begging her to stop. She came before the two officers.

 

“You freaking queers. The real crime here is letting you two anywhere near a ship. I hope you rot in hell.” Cooley spat her words out.

 

The gallery fell silent, and the crew of the USS _Enterprise_ closed in on the angry Vice-Admiral.

 

Jim held his hands up. “Hey guys, back down. Let her leave. She’s been punished for her crime and hasn’t done anything else wrong. _Yet._ Let her go.”

 

The furious woman stormed off, and Jim shook his head in disgust. Finally he turned back to his First Officer.

 

“Hey, I hear there’s a bar somewhere around here….”

 

Spock gestured toward the door. “After you, Captain.” The two men walked out of the court and down the hall. Their crew watched them leave.

 

“Hey Garas, you feel like going to the bar too?” the security officer asked his friend.

 

Garas thought about the possibility of seeing his captain and commander in a more laid-back fashion, and then shook his head. “Nah. I think I’ll just head back to the ship.” The two men shared a look and then headed toward the transporter room.

 

In the bar, Jim sat back with his drink and sighed. “God, I don’t know if I can keep doing this shit,” he complained.

 

His companion regarded him steadily. “My answer remains the same, Captain. My place is by your side, regardless of where that takes us.”

 

Jim smiled. “You know what?”

 

Spock tilted his head.

 

“We’re doing something a hell of a lot more fun for our first anniversary.” Jim laughed and Spock shook his head.

 

* * *

Epilogue

* * *

 

 

Jim wrestled with his decision to remain with Starfleet. In the end, he stayed. So did his husband.

 

The abrasive comment uttered by Vice-Admiral Jeanne-Marie Cooley at the end of her trial was captured by no less than five reporters for different major news conglomerates. It was played and replayed _ad infinitum_ on the newscasts and on the intergalactic entertainment carriers. The public’s outcry was intense. She resigned her commission in disgrace. She was not heard from again.

 

Jim Kirk and Chris Pike sat down in Pike’s office and had that heart-to-heart Jim had desired. Afterward, Jim made it known to the Admiralty that his ship would not be taking orders from any other officer besides Pike. It was the start of a great working relationship.

 

* * *

 

 

Spock awoke suddenly. His internal clock told him it was just past three in the morning. His feet had gone numb and his fingers were aching from the cold. He narrowed his eyes and tucked the suffering fingers into his companion’s armpits.

 

“Eep!” Jim cried out, jerking from a perfectly good dream. That yelp was followed by a moan of frustration as his husband’s subarctic feet tangled with his. “Dear God Almighty, you’re either going to give me hypothermia or I’m gonna kill you in my sleep.” His words had no real heat behind them.

 

The half-frozen Vulcan snuggled back down under the covers with his mate. “It was _your_ idea to come to Iowa in the winter,” he reminded the other man.

 

“Yeah, well you attempted to cook me for our wedding last year so I figured our first anniversary should be spent in my hometown’s version of winter. Ho, ho, _ho_ , Merry Christmas,” Jim growled.

 

There was only faint breathing in response, and Jim realized his husband had fallen back asleep. He pulled the covers up to Spock’s ears and wrapped his body around his partner’s. Eventually he fell asleep too. They had happened to awake almost exactly on the one year anniversary of their bonding, but didn’t realize it. They just knew they were content to be together, for the rest of their days. They slept on in peace.

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's going to be a slow build but there's trouble ahead for our intrepid explorers, and it's of the romantic variety. Whatever will they do??
> 
> This story has already been completed, just needs to be posted, so don't worry about being abandoned. If you see any glaring errors, please let me know. My beta, mockingbirdhill, did the best she could but that was in the days before I could blow up text on the monitor. Aging sux. Thanks for reading!


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